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PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN? PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

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Unread 01-01-2007, 10:34 AM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

I want to know why people in my family are so hellbent on challenging my decision. If I had gall stones, no one would lecture me not to remove my gall bladder. If my appendix were about to burst, no one would stop me from removing it. Why do people view my hysterectomy as an OPTIONAL surgery? I have had to explain myself so many times to the same people. I have just learned that even when they act like they understand, they talk amongst themselves to the contrary. One person actually told another that I am doing this because I want a tummy tuck. (Since I HAVE to have an abdominal incision - big fibroids - and six weeks of recovery why not go ahead and emerge with a flatter tummy might I ask? A lot of women do it.) If I wanted to just have a tummy tuck I would go get a tummy tuck, not look for an excuse like CUTTING OUT MY UTERUS to somehow justify it. That is just absurd.

I realize that some people may think a hysterectomy is drastic, but I have large fibroids that are making life miserable ten days of the month (or more). I am only 46, menopause is years away and I can't take it anymore. Fibroids don't just go away, and I have gone from having one small one last year to two big ones today. They obviously are enjoying living in my body and are inviting their friends to join them. So why are people talking to me as if the hysterectomy is an elective procedure? Do they think I am going to wait until they grow HUGE? Wouldn't that be kind of dumb as they can cause more problems as they grow and possibly interfere with other organs if I just let them be? I know a woman who let hers go for so long it became the size of a grapefruit, and caused all sorts of damage. Why postpone the inevitable?

I wish people could be inside my body for one month and see how "optional" this truly is. Alternative treatments - like ablation - won't work for me because of the size and location of the fibroids. The same person who saw me go through just ONE day and night of a horrible period and was extremely supportive of me having the ablation is the main person talking negative about the hysterectomy. I am so tired of this. I am not stupid, I have done research and I know this is the best thing for me so I can live a normal life. How can I shut people up? It's as if they are being self-righteous because THEY have their uterus still. So I must be over reacting - I should just grin and bear it.
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Unread 01-01-2007, 10:51 AM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

I had a couple of people who thought I was going to the extreme and some that thought I just wanted a vacation from work. There will always be stupid people out there and you just have to tune them out. You know what is right for you and just avoid them when you can and ignore them the rest of the time. They will also be the ones after who say you are milking this and should be doing whatever it is you aren't doing. SO start now and get good at focusing on what you need to do and leave all the negativity out of your life. Healing is hard work and you will have to stand up for yourself!
Unread 01-01-2007, 10:52 AM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

I don't think they are mean, just ignorant. That is why I am NOT telling my inlaws about my surgery. They are all natural, my FIL runs around with high blood pressure and so does my MIL because of the "dangers" of those drugs. They would NOT approve (not that they need to) and I don't want to hear their comments which I know will only upset me.

It's your body and you need to do what YOU know is right. As for all the comments, ignore them as best as you can.
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Unread 01-01-2007, 10:57 AM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

Thanks guys! I know you are right but I get soooo frustrated. I shouldn't have told them either!

By the way, the person I was talking about ALSO has high blood pressure and won't take meds for it. Talk about a time bomb!
Unread 01-01-2007, 11:00 AM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

And this is why many of us "live" on the Hystersisters site !! We have friends here who understand and have been there, done that !

Vent on, Sister !!
Unread 01-01-2007, 11:05 AM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

The only person I get negative comments from is my mother and she has had a hyst herself!!! You would think that she, of all people, would be supportive of her daughter. Even though hers was an emergency and mine isn't, doesn't mean that I don't need it. I've just quit talking to her about it. I also can't get my DH to talk to me about it either. Like everyone else, I have you wonderful ladies to help me through this!
Unread 01-01-2007, 11:39 AM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

Remember, a lot of the time, while people are well meaning, if ignorant, they are projecting their own fears onto you. They're not thinking.

For many of us, a hyst is indeed "elective" -- mine is -- insofar as, we can just wait it out till menopause, if we choose. But we have excellent, medically justifiable reasons to have the surgery. A good way to silence people is to say, "It's a quality of life issue," and change the subject.

I too have avoided telling a family member for the very same reasons, it's just not worth the hassle of the questioning and (in her case) deliberate ignorance.

Your choice is absolutely right for you. Best of luck and good wishes!
Unread 01-01-2007, 11:44 AM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

Yes, it is so awesome to have this supportive and informative site.

MickeyNut, I guess you too are supposed to wait until it's an emergency?

None of us made this decision lightly. But when you do make it, you just know it's the only thing to do.
Unread 01-01-2007, 12:20 PM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

Originally Posted by Apositivespin
Yes, it is so awesome to have this supportive and informative site.

MickeyNut, I guess you too are supposed to wait until it's an emergency?

None of us made this decision lightly. But when you do make it, you just know it's the only thing to do.
That is the way my mom makes me feel. She had her hyst a year after my brother was born because she started hemoraging. She was 25, I think. The thing that I keep thinking to myself is that they don't live in my body and they don't know the pain that I am in every day. I have tried other options and they haven't worked. I had an ablation done in March and still have periods and more pain than before the ablation. I am now on a continuous BC pill. They have stopped my periods, but not the pain. I will be so glad to have this pain gone and hopefully that will make me a much happier person to be around! I am doing this for ME and no one else!!!
Unread 01-01-2007, 12:30 PM
PEOPLE! Well meaning - or just plain MEAN?

Oh my gosh. You have gone through a lot! I agree, and I am sure your Quality of Life, as Coonkat said, will be so much better after this is done. I guess it is an "elective" procedure as such: we ELECT to live our lives EVERY day feeling good. Not just part of the time. I am just glad that we have this option and that the surgery as evolved to be as safe as it is. When reading "The Essential Guide to Hysterectomy" by Lauren Streicher, what is so unsettling that even in our grandmothers day, it jeopardized women's lives to have this surgery! The whole first chapter of the book about the history of hysterectomy is unbelievable. But times have fortunately changed. Maybe that is why people are so negative about it, they need to come into the year 2007 and learn something!

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