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How's your marriage? How's your marriage?

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  #1  
Unread 01-02-2007, 04:56 PM
How's your marriage?

This weekend I will be married 40 years! Wow. I know in this day and age that is quite an achievement. However, there is a problem...I think the "spice" is all gone and we are just going through the motions. In other words we are enduring life together. Neither of us wants to start over, but this isn't the way I expected to grow "old together" either. Just curious how others who have been married a long time deal with their marriage situation.
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  #2  
Unread 01-02-2007, 08:29 PM
How's your marriage?

Being together for 40 years is quite an achievement. I'm sure you have lots of memories in your years together

I'm sorry that the spice has gone out of your marriage While I do not have any advice for you, I did want to send lots of s your way. I'm sure others will come along with some input for you.

In the meantime, here are links to some resources that may be helpful:

http://www.drphil.com/
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

  #3  
Unread 01-02-2007, 08:52 PM
How's your marriage?

Hi there! Our 30th anniversary will be this spring! So, yes, I can sympathize with you. I love my DH very, very much, but it seems with both of us busy working that there is no time for "us" any more. Especially because with all the gyno problems for the last several years, our sex life hasn't been much. I am so grateful to my DH for hanging in there, even when sex was painful or I didn't feel up to it. I think this must be very common.

I don't know the solution! Sending s your way.
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  #4  
Unread 01-02-2007, 09:25 PM
How's your marriage?

I haven't been married as long as you yet but am approaching 30 years. I feel that all marriages have ups and downs. During the down times we do question it all. We are so inundated by movies, tv, magazines, etc. that we have to have spice in our lives and that things must always be new and exciting. In our day to day lives, that is just not possible. Many times our lives are routine and sometimes downright boring.

Do you still love your DH? Do you want to make it work with him? I think communication is key. You may also want to plan special things. Nake sure neither one of you have an undiagnosed health problem or that medication interfers.

We are going through a hard time ourselves right now, but I know things will get better, just have to wait for this time to pass.

s
Jane
  #5  
Unread 01-02-2007, 09:31 PM
How's your marriage?

We just had our 24th anniversary. The marriage is comfortable like an old pair of jeans. I keep thinking that I need to work on my self though. My job is not very stimulating or challenging. I am thinking that if I spice up my own life, my marriage will be spicier too.
  #6  
Unread 01-02-2007, 11:09 PM
How's your marriage?

CONGRATULATIONS (((AGAPE)))
Your marriage is indeed an achievement to be proud of. We just celebrated our 34th anniversary and I can relate to what you're going through too. I've come to expect ups and downs. We have seasons where we are so close and just seem to be getting it "right". Then I'll wake up and wonder where that wonderful man I'm married to went. He always shows back up, thank goodness.
This past year we were shaken up some when he couldn't go to work for several months because of an injury. We weren't used to all that time together. We ended up going to a counselor. I was so amazed to see how poorly we tend to communicate. The tools this man gave us have helped us get through the rough patches. We both are better at talking through those times when we feel things aren't right. Our counselor told us it isn't unusual for long-term marriages to fall into bad habit patterns and to need some help with areas where we have those bad habits so we can change and grow and continue on being happy with what we have.
I would highly recommend talking to someone if you know of a good counselor in your area. This was a christian counseling agency here. I wouldn't trust just anyone to advise me. We have also done a few marriage seminars that have helped us through the years to renew the freshness in our relationship. Marriagebuilders are very good. We have been to two that Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot have done. If you have a chance to hear them they are excellent. They also have a lot of books and tapes and other resources available to couples.
I wish you well. Just asking what you can do it a good start. Talk to him and work on it. I hope you will find the answers you're seeking.
's, Rita
  #7  
Unread 01-06-2007, 10:16 PM
How's your marriage?

Thanks for all the responses. I know one problem we seem to be having is with sex. I know that isn't all marriage is about, but my husband came into our marriage associating sex with love and has a hard time accepting love without sex. However, he seems to be having a "normal" health problem. To put it frankly--errection or at least maintaining one. I know he will not go to a doctor and request medication. I'm wondering if my GYN would give it to me for him?
  #8  
Unread 01-07-2007, 08:11 AM
How's your marriage?

Hi Agape,

I am a nurse at a Veteran's Hospital Primary Care clinic and we prescribe a great deal of erectile dysfunction meds. No, your Gyn will not prescribe this for your husband as patients who receive these meds need to have full cardiovascular workups as these meds can have an effect on blood pressure as well as interact with a number of medications so for safety reasons have to be prescribed by a doctor who provides direct care.

Sorry you are going through a sad time in your marriage. After 15 years of a pretty great marriage my husband passed away from a sudden heart attack at age 49 when I was 44 which was 5 years ago. Having to start over again was no easy task, but fortunately I had a very full personal life outside my marriage likely fueled by the fact we did not have children which included my career, hobbies, friends, and involvement in organizations and clubs too numerous to count. My husband as well had his own personal interests, friends, etc., and I think that our involvement in things outside our marriage and the sharing with each other about these interests is what kept our marriage and ourselves new and interesting and the intimate part of our marriage benefited from this as well. I have been in a very pleasant "live in" relationship for the last 3 years, and made sure from the get go that I continued to maintain my personal interests and that has kept this relationship interesting as well. I am no marriage counselor, but have seen so many friends go through similar issues in their own marriages and often times the source of the difficulties stems from self bordem of one or both spouses which spills over into the marriage and make that stale too.
  #9  
Unread 01-07-2007, 10:00 AM
How's your marriage?

(((((Agape))))) I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I agree with (((Nightengale)))that it would be unlikely your gyn would be willing to prescribe meds for your husband without seeing him

However, your gyn may have some documentation for your husband to consult

I hope that things work out for you in the very near future
  #10  
Unread 01-12-2007, 11:10 PM
How's your marriage?

We have had a tough couple of years. My husband had an affair 3yrs ago. We decided to stay together but sex has never been the same. My being ill all last year certainly did not help but I feel his libido is low. We have been married 30 yrs and I love him still but I sure would like a more active sex life, I miss it.
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