Hormones or idiot DH?

Ok Sisters, I am having major issues with my DH. Not only does he seem to think since my external incision is looking great that I should be "back to normal", (and thus capable of cooking, cleaning, feeding the wood stove, etc. with no help) He also says that I am making too big of a deal about menopause, because "You are too young for that !@#, quit carrying on about it!" If this were anyone else, I'd say have him read some of the stuff on here. But he's JEALOUS of this website for one thing, and I've never seen him read anything other than CB radio manuals in all the years we've been together for another! So far Ive been standing my ground, but if this keeps up I might run home to my parents for the remainder of my recovery...Any suggestions?

(((Ladylaughalott)))
You poor thing. I'm sorry he's being so stubborn and you're suffering because of it. No matter what, stand your ground.
I have had to deal with the jealousy over Hystersisters myself, so I completely understand that it is very real to them. I had to face that one head on and make him talk to me about it. I've really worked to find a balance with my time on the site and my life, but I had to talk to him about it over and over and explain how it met a need I had. Women need other women, especially when they go through times like this that are already difficult emotionally and physically.
Your dh really does need to educate himself about what you have gone through and what you're experiencing right now. Don't be hysterical, but be firm. Make the information available to him and if he insists on jeaprodizing your recovery by not taking care of you and trying to understand, then maybe some time with your parents is a good idea. I wouldn't do that without leaving him some good reading material in case he wants to try to understand what the big deal is about. Let him know you'll be back as soon as you are healed not to hurt yourself taking care of the house, since he refuses to honor you by listening and understanding what you need from him now.
Only you know your dh and what will work with him. I know my dh would do anything at the prospect of having me go stay with my parents, so this would work great for me. You need to follow your instincts, but don't give in. This is your body and you'll live with the long-term consequences if you don't allow yourself to heal properly.
I hope you can make him listen. Keep us posted.
's, Rita

I too am experiencing problems with the hubby. i do cleaning for a dr office 3 times a week, he has been great and doing it for me however now that i show some improvement that is all over for him. there is not way i can do the things i used to at this point. I am lucky to even shower everyday and not have to take a 3 hour nap afterwards. things are improving for me however, i still have to explain to him that I AM NOT recovered all the way. it takes time. I am only on the start of my 4 week post op. I know my hubby has good intentions, but yes used to being spoiled and not having to deal with everything. He has been off work for several weeks due to the holiday's and his employment shut down for "vacation" he returned back to work yesterday and believe me after him working 10hours a day again and then having to come home and help with kids, house, and what not all hell has broken loose. Just hang in there and yes stand your ground, i too have trouble getting dh to understand the severity of surgery i had, he too hates this sight, says "are you going to cry to your "sister"? I say well if i need to yes but mostly just like to know there are people out there that understand me and what i am going through. Usually gets him to shut up real quick. I feel your pain. I will pray for you. message me if you need to talk.

I'm sorry you are having to stand your ground at this important time when you need a firm footing at home. . Like the others have said, this is such an important time for you to have what you need for recovery. Please keep your health and recovery the very top priority right now. And come on back whenever you need to vent or have a

At the beginning my husband was extremely supportive of the website. I think it was because it distracted him from the reality of his wife having a hyst at 31. Then he started to resent it. I kept telling him how much comfort I was finding and how much it was helping me deal with everything. Finally, one night, it got ugly. As a result of that, he finally admitted that his jealousy of the website stemmed from the fact that he was having a horrible time accepting things and dealing with things. He hated that his wife was suffering and had to have major surgery. Most of all, he was mourning his loss of having children as well. He said he felt selfish for having these thoughts because he was supposed to be supporting me. He was jealous of the website because I had a place to go where people understood and he didn't.
I think sometimes they have a hard time explaining things so they try to ignore it. Maybe somewhere in your husband's head he might be thinking that if you can put wood in the stove, you are fine and safe and everything is okay. Maybe it is just a male defense mechanism kicking in! Or, maybe he is just tired and wants some time to be selfish about the situation! I hope things calm down for you and you take the time you need to heal properly. Sending lots of hugs!

Hi Ladies,
Wow ladylaughalott your DH sounds a lot like mine with the CB stuff, LOL. I am 26 and had a TVH on Dec. 26th, 2006 and I look normal, feel great and get around very well so DH thinks I'm good to go on everything, but I'm not. Sure I can drive and walk around but I can't keep up with the house work and all the kids, I need his help!!! He always says that he will help but the most he's done around here was while he was in the hospital. I have moutains of clothes that need folded, and piles of dishes to be done not to minchun all the toys that are strewed about the house...looks like the kids toy chest exploded over here. I'm fixing to just hire a maid to come over and take up the slack since my DH seems to "not get it!"

I am so sorry you ladies haveing to go through this without your DH's. I hope that they soon relize what we have gone through and that it takes a long time to heal all the way an to heal properly!

Happy New Year Ladies!

Gina

One of the best things I did was take my DH to my 2 week check up (he had to drive me there anyway). He thought I should be taking long walks and doing other things I know I shouldn't. My Dr. set him straight. Now I hear, "Should you really be doing that?" and, "let me do that for you."

maybe we should all take our husband or bf to the follow up appt. lol... anyway, i am a single mom with 2 girls ages 10 and 6 and they have been more helpful than anyone else (other than my mom). my bf doesn't live with me but we have been together for 3 1/2 years and he is now very distant. he is afraid to touch me for fear of hurting me and hasn't helped very much at all. i'm not sure why either. i know he loves me, but now when i need him most he's not here. it's like he freaked out that i'm not me anymore or something. and he doesn't want to talk about it. he knows a bit about the website and is fine with that. i wish i knew why men get this way. are they trying to protect themselves or kind of shut down so they don't over work us or expect too much from us? if that's the case, they don't see that shutting down makes us have to do more. men.....

Well, it looks as if making him accompany me to my next dr appt is what it is going to take to educate him. I had thought that I might be able to enlist the help of Dh's mother and sister...But was shocked to hear them BOTH tell me that having a TAH and BSO couldn't possibly put me into menopause at my age!! (Apparently I am "only imagining the hot flashes, mood swings, and night sweats, which is understandable considering I feel like my husband isn't paying enough attention to me") My SIL (who is a state-tested nurses aid, rofl!) was nearly rabid that I call my dr because there is no way I should still be having hot flashes after being on HRT!(She acted as if I was insane when I informed her that many women don't get the right hormone replacment at first.) I guess other women may have a different reaction to such a conversation with their in-laws, but I hung up the phone and made my tummy hurt I laughed so hard. I think the thing I laughed the hardest about was that I spent time being upset that these people live within 3-4 miles of our home and haven't helped DH with the kids or housework or anything at all; we had to rely on MY friends to help him get things done! I should have been ecstatic that I didn't have to deal with their ignorance... Sorry for sounding so dang negative, and thanks so much for being there, ladies!