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New and feeling lost New and feeling lost

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Unread 02-19-2007, 02:34 PM
New and feeling lost

Hi Ladies,

I'm new here so let me introduce myself ...

My name is Karen, I'm 33 and had a subtotal hysterectomy four weeks ago. I only knew that hysterectomy was a realistic option for me an hour before the operation - I was actually booked for a myomectomy which I was assured by my previous surgeon was going to be straight forward and would sort out my fertility problems - we had been ttc for two years without any luck.

Anyway, apparently my fibroids were too big and too many and there was not enough healthy uterus left to leave. I accept that medically the hysterectomy was the right decision, in fact, the only decision but I feel like they ripped out more than just my uterus during the operation.

I'm finding it really hard to come to terms with the fact that I will now never have a child. It all feels really unfair and unreal. I never really thought about never being able to have a child, even when we were unable to concieve and I had sort of planned the next few years of my life believing that this operation would enable me to have a child.

I feel really confused, guilty that my husband will now not be a dad, stupid that I didn't realise how serious my condition was, angry at the surgeon that didn't tell me, useless, pointless and helpless. I can't concentrate on anything and I'm crying all the time. Everyone around me seems to be pregnant or pushing a pram!

Does it ever get easier? Do you ever get over it? It feels very dark at the moment and I'm not sure what to do to make it better.

Sorry to rant
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Unread 02-19-2007, 03:42 PM
New and feeling lost

I'm so sorry that you had this "surprise" surgery. It is very hurtful emotionally. What you're feeling is perfectly normal, although I know that doesn't make it any better.

Yes, it does get easier. Time may not heal all wounds, but it does make them less raw. In the meantime, cry when you need to, and come here and talk with us when you need to. There are lots of sisters in a similar situation here, and we're all here to help.
Unread 02-19-2007, 10:08 PM
New and feeling lost

Hi Karen,
I am sorry for what has happened to you. I am sure, in your shoes, that I would feel the same. I know I am saddened by my inability to have more children, although my age (45) made it unlikely anyway. I cannot imagine having that option taken away from me earlier in life.

Right now, the pain is too new. Maybe later in life you may consider that there is another "calling" for you and may look into other options for children. For now, just try to heal physically and take care of yourself, knowing your sisters are here when you need a shoulder!
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Unread 02-19-2007, 10:39 PM
New and feeling lost

Although my situation is different I think a lot of us felt robbed when we had to get our uterus's taken out. I can't even imagine your sorrow of not being able to have children. It will take time but you will feel better. Are you are your husband going to any sort of counseling? My only suggestion is to make sure you talk about it, a lot. If you keep it all bottled up inside it will be harder to heal (emotionally). Your sisters are here for you.
Unread 02-20-2007, 12:30 PM
New and feeling lost

i'm sorry that you're hurting. i fee hurt myself. many women here do feel like they were robbed of the chance to have children.

it's like when you buy a car...if it's red you start to notice all the red cars around. having this at the front of your mind is the same...every baby on television...every baby in a magazine or anywhere i go...i just feel like they are everywhere. it's horrible and makes me want to stay inside all the time.

don't guilt yourself over something you had no control over. it isn't your fault that your man won't be a father...this happened to you too. i understand feeling bad about it...but forgive yourself on that one. the pair of you could always consider adoption if it's something that you'd be interested in. then you could both still be parents. right now i just have kitty babies. :/

this is new for me too but i'd like to think that with time these wounds will heal. i'm having quite a hard time with this myself. i hope that coming here makes healing easier for you.

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