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Am I not woman enough for him now? Am I not woman enough for him now?

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  #1  
Unread 03-13-2007, 10:52 PM
Am I not woman enough for him now?

I am depressed and can't seem to climb out of it. I am 2 yrs post op. It seems as if my DH has no interest in me anymore. This was a problem immediately after the surgery. I caught him looking at porn just 4 days post op. Talk about hurt and horrible timing. Now 2 years later, my DH doesn't even show interest in me. Just a few words during the day and that is it. I am so sad. I do not feel like he looks at me the same. I am really considering leaving my marriage. I am only 32 and I feel like I am being robbed of happiness. I want to feel like a woman again. Right now I feel like he has taken me for granted. When I mention my feelings, he says I can not divorce him, it will put him bankrupt. Nothing like, oh honey let's work on this. Just plain...I will put him bankrupt. I know this surgery was hard for us both, but we do have children. That can't possibly be an issue for him. I wonder if I just do not satisfy his sexual needs anymore. He hasn't even attempted an relations with me since November. I am so hurt. Can anyone relate?

Mamie
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  #2  
Unread 03-14-2007, 07:44 AM
Am I not woman enough for him now?

I don't know your dh personally but after our first child my dh wouldn't look at me. He was repulsed, he ended up growing up and getting over it but there was something in your post that jumped out at me. My dh and I have 2 children and I am 29. We are both grieving my loss of fertility. If he is mourning that and you are not this may be the point where he mentally checked out of the relationship. I think he is acting inappropriate but you might want to sit down with him, give him a hug, and say "you know after all this time I didn't think to ask you about your feelings." Let him know you know it has been hard for him. I have found that this trick always opens my dh up and sometimes I am just floored by the things that come out of his mouth. Communication, empathy, teamwork, and love are crucial to a happy healthy relationship. It sounds like you don't actually want to give up on him. Why don't you try coming down to his level and see where he is coming from. I truly wish you the best. It is so hard when your body has been through so much and the man that you love turns you away but sometimes it is something completly unrelated that is in their head. GL
  #3  
Unread 03-16-2007, 01:22 AM
Am I not woman enough for him now?

It sounds like maybe you both need to go to marriage counseling. I think bookah had a great idea to sit down and talk with him but if that doesn't work tell him how you feel and suggest the counseling. Best wishes to both of you.
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  #4  
Unread 03-17-2007, 02:55 PM
Am I not woman enough for him now?

I think the problem has nothing to do with you not being woman enough. We are not women because we have uteruses, we are women because in the core of our beings, we LOVE like women.

Your husband is probably mourning the loss of your fertility, and that's ok. I would sit him down and ask him if that's the problem, or if there's something else he wants to talk about.

You can't expect him to say "Let's work on it" or "I love you and don't want to lose you" - that's a woman's reponse. And he's a man, so he gave you his response.

Try counselling, try talking, and try hugging. And don't for one second believe that you are any less of a woman.

Hugs
  #5  
Unread 03-17-2007, 04:00 PM
Am I not woman enough for him now?

Maybe instead of asking yourself if your not woman enough.....you should be thinking is he man enough??? You might want to tell him you have needs too and its not all about him
  #6  
Unread 03-17-2007, 04:48 PM
Taking care of yourself

One of the reasons we had surgery was for better health and to take care of ourselves. Now it's time to take care of your mental health. Please see a doctor first and check into the possibility of clinical depression, so many things happen with hormonal changes. They may recommend counseling, go for it, take back your life and see how worth while you are seperate from him. One thing about taking care of yourself first, once you do both physically and mentally the rest will fall into place.
  #7  
Unread 03-17-2007, 05:07 PM
Am I not woman enough for him now?

I left my marriage of 15 years 2 years ago, so I can relate. I think the timing of the surgery and the porn and all that is pure coincidence, unless you were to tell me that pre-surgery everything was just perfectly happy, pure bliss. Then I'd wonder what hangups he has pertaining to your uterus. Otherwise I'd say this had been coming since before the surgery.

You are young, and a marriage with kids is one worth fighting to save. But he's got to meet you half way. Otherwise, as they say, if he won't go, you go by yourself. You need to sort this out. It's not about your not being woman enough. It's about the marriage, and that is 1/2 his responsibility. Playing the "you wouldn't leave me because I'd be too poor" card is plain immature.
  #8  
Unread 03-17-2007, 09:17 PM
Am I not woman enough for him now?

You know sometimes I let him get to me and other times I am just numb to it. Our problems were ongoing well before my surgery. Thank you for helping me realize that. I really do think counseling will help me, but as for him....he will not go. He tried that before and she asked him if he was bipolar, therefore he will hot go back. He got offended because he knows he has issues. His mother is bipolar and he is very insecure about it. I will just give it to God and he will lead me in the right direction. All I can do at this point is take care of me and my kids. That is what I will put my energy into. I really don't think I myself want this marriage to work, I think I want a change.....a good one!
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