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Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007 Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

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Unread 07-05-2007, 09:47 AM
Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

Hello All

I can really relate to you GingerSnap -even my boss said this morning that the swelly belly is going down and I look near normal - but by the time I reach midday my pants are too tight round the waist and by the evening I'm bigger than I ever was !

It's so frustrating - especially with summer's here - we can't cover up in big sweaters etc. Mind you - as you say at least we've got rid of the problems now - it's just that with all this re-newed energy we dash about and give ourselves swelly belly - cant win !

We go as a family to the zoo on Saturday - I have the job of making the picnic for us all - so I guess tomorrow (Friday) I'll have to do the food shopping and cooking for it - so I'll just be dragging the swelly belly round all day - maybe if I stand by the elephant enclosure I won't look too bad in conmparison !

Have fun all - hope you enjyed your special day over there "
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Unread 07-06-2007, 09:04 AM
Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

Hello everyone,
Hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July
We didn't do anything, Little one would have been frightened I'm sure.

I am so there w/ you Lenaise & Gingersnap on the issues. My Dr. told me it can last up to 1 year, sometimes longer!
I've lost 8 or so lbs. & can't even tell some days due to swelling.

I Still have pain from my ligaments being overstretched, Dr. said it will be some time b4 thay heal.
Still not cleared to go back to work due to the strenuous nature of massage therapy.
I need to build up my core strength 1st, maybe by the end of the year I'll be able to massage again.
I really don't want to injure myself by going back too early. I miss it though, especially the medical massage, treating people who are truly in pain, I love helping them.

Gingersnap: How did the painting go?? I hope you didn't overdo it, or did you get rained out yet again??

Hey Rabbit: How about a visit to FL, we have enough sunshine & humidity to go around & then some! Glad u r ok & didn't have any major damage.

Clinpic: I hope & pray all is going well w/ you, keep us posted.
BTW: You might already know this but...if you read the personal profiles you can e-mail someone. Just click on their name & then click on PM or e-mail.

Hope everyone enjoys the weekend whatever you may be doing.
Lenaise, have a wonderful time @ the Zoo, don't worry, I'm sure you don't have to stand next to the elephants!!

Blessings & 's,
Unread 07-06-2007, 10:04 PM
Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

hi everyone, today is my 15 week HYSTERVERSARY!!! Yea!!!! I'm still wondering when my period's going to start????? ha ha-NOT!!! I have come a lonnnnng ways since March 23. I had some seriously dark days (hormone snatching and depression and cancer combined) for about 3 weeks after my surgery, but you all got me through it!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH, I don't know what I would've done without you guys!!!
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Unread 07-11-2007, 07:33 PM
Wink - Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007 Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

Hey girls,

Kinda quiet here lately, a sign that all is well I suppose.
I vacuumed for the 1st time since the "H" (downstairs only) did OK, DH wasn't too happy but...

His dad just lost his wife (DH's step-mom) to lung cancer that spread to her hip & liver. They caught it way too late, stage 4, she only lasted a few months after diagnosis. The weird thing is she was a NON-smoker!!

He asked to stay w/ us for some months (indefinite) until he figures things out, DH & I agreed, though the man drives me NUTS! He is very racist & believes women are to be sub-servient to men. His wife worked full-time & cared for the house 7 catered to his every whim! I really have to bite my tongue when around him because of the things he says that are often very offensive!
He can't even fend for himself as far as daily activities.
I told DH he could learn while he stays w/ us because I won't cater to him & expect him to pitch in w/ some household tasks. I thought it would be ok for him to clean his own bathroom, set the table etc... small stuff.
I feel bad for him because he is grieving right now, but I don't need a person to drain me of my energy.
DH & I are going to talk to him tonight about the house rules, I hope it goes well.

My family is coming to visit next week so I need to inform him that I don't want him here while my family is visiting. I feel bad in a way, but my time w/ them is limited & precious due to the fact that they are in Calif.
I hope he takes it alright & doesn't get offended, I'll let you all know how it goes tomorrow.

Please pray for me that I do not go INSANE while he's here.

Blessings & Hugs,
Unread 07-11-2007, 08:15 PM
Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

dear kimber...some advice from someone who has gone thru what you are going thru: we invited my husband's mother, father and their 2 big dogs (that we love) to come and live with us about 3 yrs. ago (from quebec where they had 2 acres of land and a nice bungalow). my mother-in-law (87 yrs. old) had been sick with different ailments and they were told by her dr. that they were not capable of running their household anymore. my m.i.l. catered to my f.i.l. in every way, even when so ill, although they did have a cleaning lady once a week to help out. my poor, hardworking m.i.l. (she was a nursing sister in ww2) died after being here 18 mos. and in a nursing home for just 3 days.

my f.i.l. is unable to walk the dogs, so we walked them every morning until my surgery...now they go out the backyard. we pick up the poops. he does not clean his own bathroom or even change his pillowslip or sheets if they get stained. i would check every day...i would change his towels, clean his bathroom, laundry, change his p.j.'s, his napkin at the dinner table, clean up his area where he makes coffee, defrost his freezer, vacuum and mop floors when necessary. you get the picture! once they moved in, we asked our cleaning lady that we only had once every 2 wks. for a few hrs. to come for the whole day once a week...half the day to take care of the downstairs and make their lunch (now just his lunch). i have recently got back to doing some of the daily cleaning downstairs. on top of all that, he drinks a little too many martinis before dinner and becomes obnoxious at the dinner table, occasionally causing nasty arguments, which i cannot tolerate! oh yes, i make his lunch every day and take it down to him. as much as i don't like his behaviour, i am always kind and courteous to him as i do respect him. he does have a lot of redeeming characteristics, but he has always had a woman or a servant (his career took them to the tropics for much of their married life) look after his personal needs.

it is a lot of work. i think you are a lot younger than me...i don't know if you will want to do this indefinitely if your father-in-law is nasty and hard to get along with. maybe you and your husband are up to it. if you are not, then please make it clear to your father-in-law that this is a temporary situation and that he should be looking for a nice senior's apt. where he can get his meals and personal help. i am always the peacemaker...my husband would love for him to leave as he gets so upset with his dad's attitude. since he's been here so long and he does look after his dogs as far as letting them out, feeding them, going to the vet...i would not have the heart to ask him to leave. that's just me! so i beg my husband to give him "one more chance". at the moment they are getting along better. my f.i.l. is learning to not discuss politics (esp. u.s.) at the dinner table. he watches all the u.s. news shows...he does need someone to talk to but he has no ambition to go out and make friends...we're all he has.

anyways, good luck...do what you think is best for your family. p.s. my daughter and son-in-law have lived with us since oct. 06 until their condo is ready july 25 and my son comes home every w/e so we are a full-house...5 of us sharing one bathroom and one t.v. ...at least we can laugh about it!
Unread 07-12-2007, 09:49 AM
Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

ah Kimber J you poor thing - you could always go all weak and wobbly and tell him that since the 'op' you havebn't been allowed to do lots of things so it will be nice to have him around to help you in the home - and that you'd really appreciate it !

I had the Mother-in-Law stay with me for two weeks and after waiting on her hand and foot in bed (she wasn't ill) she was thowing ham sandwiches at me and getting up and flushing the toilet every 10 minutes all night long to keep us awake. I don't know how I didn't throw her out the window.

'Sadly' she passed away last year and in her will she had made her solicitor write that any money left to her son (my d.h.) was for his sole use alone and no-one else !

That's gratitude eh ? so the d.h. immediatley booked a lovely holiday - for the both of us ! with you father in law you'll have to make sure he doesn't make you a replacement doormat as his wife was - it's surprising how well they can cope with every days things when they have to !

By the way ladies - anybody experienced this ? since the op and the scar from removal of an ovary 10 years ago - I seem to have gained a small pouch under the scars. When I wear a swimsuit I almost look as tho I've got some man tackle in there - kinda like it's dropped a bit in the fluffy area - sometimes some of my pants I wear to the office even reveal it .... anybody else or I am just plain freaky ?
Unread 07-12-2007, 05:20 PM
Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

Hello ladies,

Everything going pretty good with me tummy still gets tender at the end of the day. We did all of the painting and I survived, I told my husband that if I ever say "lets paint the house in July" to just shoot me. That was the most miserable four days I have ever had.
We are watching a friends two boston terriers (Bitsy and Bugsy)and with our two dachshunds (Bonnie and Bogie)it can be a little entertaining. We take them to their home to eat in the afternoon and to give ours a little peace. After dinner we go get them and take them for a walk and let them all run in a field nearby. well tonight after dinner we heard something at the door and Bitsy had gotten out of their yard and came to our house. (new fence was put in today and there was a gap under a part.) Smart dog I guess she just wanted company. It can be a real challange to get to sleep as they all sleep in the bed with us. Only six more nights to go but whos counting!

KimberJ -- how did the talk go with your father-in-law? I think it's a good idea to have the talk and set some ground rules at the begining so all parties know what is expected of them.
My parents live with my sister and I don't know how she does it. But she says they helped her and her family when her husband was sick so she will take care of them. I'm putting her name up for sainthood.
Unread 07-13-2007, 10:30 AM
Wink - Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007 Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

Hello Ladies,
The talk w/ the f-i-l went ok, so I thought, in the beginning.
I approached it very diplomatically, but of course it exploded later.
I told him that DH & I talked about all the particulars, he didn't realize there would be any.
He actually was surprised that we wanted to discuss "House rules"!
I let him know that he would be responsible for cleaning up after himself.
He is not helpless by any means, just a LAZY man.
He quit working @ 40 so his Philippino subservient wife could work full time & cater to him hand & foot 24/7!!
Now he has no idea how to even care for himself!

The house rules would include the following:
cleaning his own bed & bath room, his own laundry, & washing his bed linens 1x per week.
I indicated to him that meals are "hit & miss" around here since Little one came along.
The only meal I really go all out on is dinner, he would be responsible for his own breakfast & lunch. This would give him the opportunity to learn to cook.
We also let him know that he could either purchase his own food or give 1/3 toward the groceries since he's living here rent free.
I told him that while my family is here visiting that I would like for him to stay elsewhere temporarily so I could enjoy their company & have uninterupted quality time w/ them.
He has a friend, a cousin & 3 other children as options, so it's not like we're putting him out on the streets!
He was not happy about that, he had the nerve to ask me how he would be in the way & interfere w/ my family's visit.

The man, even before his wife passed has the most negative "kharma" I've ever come across.
He tries to monopolize conversations & is very intrusive.
He is also very blatant w/ his racist & chauvenistic opinions.
My family is not racist nor do we appreciate having to listen to that garbage!
My mom was here visiting on year that he & his wife stayed w/ us & he drove her nuts w/ his racism & chauvenistic attitude.
She was very offended to say the least!

Anyway, he acted as though I was the worst person for asking him to go elsewhere while my family visits so I could focus on them!
The convo sort of ended on a bad note, he was offended that I requested him to not be here for 2 or so weeks.
Remember, he wanted to stay "indefinitely", & indicated Sept. or Oct. he might be leaving!!
Since he's been here his plans have changed several times too.
Initially it was just a 3-4 day visit then he'd look for a place of his own.
Then it was 1 week, a trip to Costa Rica, then here again for 1 week until he found a place etc...
The man has lived like this his whole life, like a vagabond, then when he has no place to go he calls my DH & we take him in.
We tried telling him he needs to settle somewhere so we don't have to keep bailing him out, he does not get it at all!

Anyway, I told him that 2 weeks out of the entire time he was asking to stay was not a long time & he had several options.
DH backed me all the way & supported my decision, he actually thought I was going to say "No" @ 1st since he knows how I feel about having him stay w/ us from past experiences.

Well, nobody really had anything more to say, I figured he would make plans in the A.M. to find somewhere to stay.
I went to feed the baby, DH & f-i-l went on their computers in the loft.
Well, good ol' f-i-l couldn't keep his mouth shut, he ranted to DH about how rude it was for me to ask him to leave, & that I just wanted him gone so I could have the "nice" guest room for my mom (one room has slightly nicer furniture than the other, big WHOOP!)
This of course was not the case, in fact my family does not even care which of the 2 rooms thay sleep in for crying out loud!
He went on to say how he didn't think he should pay that much for groceries & clean his own bathroom, he hit some other points also, actually trying to get DH to change things.
He also told DH that he felt he couldn't depend on family for anything!!
The worst part was that I could here him clear as a bell since the master suite is right next to the loft!!
I was boiling honkerblonked at this man after I heard what he said, what an ingrateful person. Heck, I could have said "NO" to him!

Of course by the time I finished feeding Little one & putting her to bed he was asleep, & I was wide awake & livid at the man.
So what do you do, write a long @#&*ing letter! Which I did!

He of course left early in the morn. so I put it on his bed.
When he came home DH was @ a work function but said if he started anything to call.
F-I-L can be very confrontational, I've seen him in action!

He read the letter in which I remained polite but to the point explaining why I wanted my family to be here w/ out him here also.
I remained respectable toward him both in the letter & to his face only because he is my elder & I was raised that way.
In the letter, I indicated to him that I heard him talking behind my back in my house, & how it made me feel.
I also told him that his son & I have always been the ones to open our home to him, no ??'s asked & w/ out reservations.
We have always been ther for him to depend upon when everyone else turned their backs.
It was presumtuous for him to think that there would be no rules, before his wife would do stuff for him while they stayed w/ us.

I told him that since my time was precious & limited w/ my family I wanted to focus only on them.
Also our 10 yr. old DD is coming back w/ my mom & I want us to have family time to re-connect without him here before she starts her school routine.

I told him that the rules we set down were not going to change, he had to start being responsible for himself.

I indicated that since we were opening our home to him that we could set whatever appropriate house rules we want, we're doing him the favour, not vice versa!

Well, he informed me that his cousin told him he could stay w/ her for free indefinitely so he would be gone by monday.
I'm sure the poor thing will tire of him & his leeching ways soon enough since she also is elderly & on a fixed income.

He also said he would not be coming back because he didn't think he would be treated "this way".
He did not even apologize for the rude things he said behind my back!
Inside I was smiling as big as the Grand Canyon, I could not be happier!
I feel I did the right thing in the way I handled the situation, so does DH.
He is actually glad his dad won't be here w/ his toxic personality & attitude.

Now of course he refuses to talk to me, I don't really care though.
This A.M. I greeted him w/ a big smile & "good morning", I'm sure it bugs him.
I am proud of myself though for handling everything tactfully & respectfully, as you know us hot-blooded Italians can really put someone in their place!!

Everything else is going well, except for the fact that I vacuumed on wednesday.
I was ok that day, but thurs. morn I woke up sooo sore and of course swelly belly made an appearance!
That's alright though, I'm still sore today but I feel more alive & like a real person for having done it.
Next time I won't do as much, just one room @ a time.
I guess the Dr. was right when he said to wait 6 months for vacuuming!!

Nogreat & Leaise: So nice to hear from you 2, & glad someone else has endured & SURVIVED the dreaded "inlaw invasion"!!

Nogreat: was your F-I-L incapable or just lazy?
either way it's tough, but at least if he's physically not able you feel better, like you're helping someone out.
Of course if it's laziness that's different ballgame in & of itself!!

Lenaise, did you throw the sandwiches back?? LOL
I've got something similar, a nodule of scar tissue (I suppose) that is the size of a golf ball on the left side.
I still have my ovaries though, think it's in the muscle itself since I'm still having issues with uscle & ligaments on left side. Scar tissue can "travel" abit though, you may want to have your Dr. check it out just to be safe.

Gingersnap: You poor thing!! If you ever mention painting on this sight again we will be after you not to do it!!
I hope you feel better though, take it easy!!

I've got to go, I think this post was long enough for one day!
I also have an appt. w/ a orthopaedic surg to look @ a ganglion cyst on my foot that has been acting up & causing alot of pain.
I figure if it needs to be excised now is as good a time as any, right?!
So much for 40 & Fabulous!! hee-hee

I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed weekend!


PS Thanks for listening!
Unread 07-13-2007, 12:04 PM
Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

dear kimberly...i am so proud of you for speaking to your f.i.l. and laying out the houserules...you are one feisty woman...i greatly admire you for that. you are so generous to invite him into your household when you are still a young woman with a young family...you are doing everything right by "nipping it in the bud". for now, he is humiliated by being asked to do things which he thinks are beneath him but maybe it's for the best...maybe he will learn to look after himself and his space. for your family's sake, i hope he decides to find accommodation elsewhere...lol...some things about him will never change. it might be harder emotionally on your husband having to put up with all that crap...i know that's the case with my husband. i'm not so bothered because i don't feel that "love" towards my f.i.l. that i feel towards my own father, who is 81 yrs. old, lives in the same house for 51 yrs., takes care of himself and his elderly neighbours and is the sweetest man in the world! my husband gets really anxious at the dinner table wondering what subject his dad is going to bring up and if there is going to be an argument. last week he told my 27 yr. old daughter that the article she just had published in a new scientific magazine (cell stem cell) could only be understood by her comtemporaries and it was a waste of her time...he had read it over 3 times and didn't understand a word of it. she has worked on it for 2 yrs., part of a p.h.d. she came back at him saying that this area is so new, that a new language had to be created and those were the only words she could use to describe it. of course, he said in "his day" he had to re-write professional papers for the general public to understand. is it not surprising that my daughter and son-in-law often walk out of the room when he comes up to dinner or they get home late and eat after he goes downstairs?

to answer your question about whether he is able to look after himself or not...or is just lazy...well, it is a combination. he has a lot of pain in his legs and hips, takes pain medication and 2 or 3 martinis before dinner...huffs and puffs coming up the stairs, once for breakfast and once for dinner at 7. he drives, he's 80 yrs. old and goes out approx. 2 mornings a week to pick up booze, go to the family dr., go to the mall for his hearing aid maintenance, takes his dogs to the vets, goes to the petfood store to pick up treats, etc. for his 2 big, lovely dogs and he lets his dogs out the backyard...he also makes his own coffee downstairs after breakfast and dinner. however, he doesn't seem to notice that he spills the sugar on the counter. i clean that up every night. there's no reason he can't take the dishcloth and wipe up. i also wash up the dog dishes once in awhile. his wife used to do that everyday and she always fed the dogs and made and served his coffee almost to the end of her life! yes, there are a lot of little things he could do...even changing his towel and facecloth, p.j.'s, pillowslip, etc. one day he told me that his ear had leaked all over his pillowslip and would i change it for him! omg...i'm going thru chemo and he asked me to do that! well, i'm not as brave as you, and i did. he intimidates people, although he doesn't mean to...he is a tall, intelligent man who built a lot of important structures, dams, irrigation systems, etc. in third world countries, so he is also a very respected and worldly person. he has worked hard in his life, even at risk to his own life, living for some time in africa, during tribal wars. so i do have to cut him some slack in his old age.

approx. 3 wks. ago he tried to start another argument at the dinner table...it had to do with u.s. politics...my husband wouldn't carry on the conversation. f.i.l. said to him in a confrontational voice "well, i guess you just don't care" and my husband said "correct, i don't care". so after a lovely dinner i had made and the family at the table, incl. my 25 yr. old son who was home for the w/e, he got up from the table in a huff. my son, who is the quietest, seemingly non-confrontational person you could meet, was already standing up...looked him in the eye and said to him "don't be so rude" and he said "i'm being rude?" and my son said "yes, we are all a family here and we have to get along". f.i.l. said nothing more and went downstairs. we were all flabbergasted and proud that my son had stood up to his grandfather and put him in his place! of course, my d.h. was livid at his dad once more. however, f.i.l. has been pretty friendly lately after his grandson pointed out to him that he was rude! he still had to give his opinion of my daughter's article though. d.h. had to leave and shut himself in our bedroom as he said he wanted to kill him! we've all gotten over it now, mended fences. f.i.l. went out and spent around $80. on fancy cheeses and port and my d.h. found him some guava paste which he knew as guava cheese as a youngster and f.i.l. was thrilled with that and that it tasted just as he remembered it as a child. his father would bring it home as a treat after travelling down to the city 75 yrs. ago!

sorry for the long post but i guess it was good for me to vent too! we will probably just continue on as best we can as long as the arguments stay few and far between! one last word to you, kimberly, one reason i don't encourage my f.i.l. to come upstairs and make meals is because i have noticed over the last few years that he doesn't practice proper handwashing. i don't want him going into my fridge and touching the food, etc. in fact, i have become a little obssessive/compulsive and my d.h. also about washing our hands after touching his dishes or his clothing, etc. you have a young baby and another child, so there's another area for you to check up on. i really, really admire you for standing up to your f.i.l. i wish i could do the same.
Unread 07-14-2007, 10:52 AM
Wink - Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007 Hysterectomy dates Mar 19-Mar 26,2007

Hey Nogreat,
WOW!! What a situation, it's good your son pointed out to FIL that he's rude.
I can't believe that he totally disregarded your DD's article after all that hard work.
Maybe because he couldn't understand it he felt not as educated as he was "back in the day".

I cannot believe he asked you to clean his ear gunk, YUCKO!!
I would have said "No Way", & let him do it himself, after all it's his bed pillow not yours.
He'd have to clean it or sleep on it!
Does he even realize you are going through so much right now w/ the Chemo & post hyster??
How disrespectful is that?! WOW!!
I hardly think his pain would have stopped him from washing a pillow slip & changing it, he probably just thought it was beneath him.

Maybe if everyone in the family spoke up, not all @ once of course, then your FIL might realize that he is rude & abrasive @ times.
I would sure use the chemo & post hyster excuse in my favor.
He should realize that you are going through alot right now, I'm sure you have good & bad days both.

I'm with you on the hygeine issues, he doesn't even shower but once a week!
I am sooo glad that he has no desire to hold Little one!
My FIL spills all over the kitchen too!
Every night after I've cleaned he's down there for a midnight snack.
I can always identify what it was by what I find on the counter tops the following AM.
I tell him t hat he needs to wipe the counters down when he's done, he has yet to do it.
I even had to leave a post it on the door to remind him to lock up when he leaves!
When he had his own place it was locked up like Fort Knox, at our house he just leaves w/ out locking up.

My DH of course has been so close to "letting him have it" especially when he talked badly about me behind my back. I told him basically he's always been like that & will never change.
I am trying to avoid as much convo w/ him as possible until he leaves on monday, so is DH.
We only have to put up w/ him 2 more days.
He will not be coming back at all, so he says.

I told DH already that if his plans change yet again, my answer will be a definite "NO".
I will inform him that he will be seeking accomodations elsewhere no matter what.
Thankfully DH is in agreement w/ me.
We both feel for him because of the loss of his wife but he has to stand on his own 2 feet some time & not be such a "mooch".

Well, I've got to go shower & get out of the house b4 FIL gets back, don't really want to see him today.

I'll let you know how it all works out on monday.
I'll keep you in my prayers that it gets easier @ your house.



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