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Single women? Women who are not mothers? Single women? Women who are not mothers?

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  #11  
Unread 08-06-2007, 09:22 AM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

Funny, I wanted children badly but by the time I was 36 had already had a myomectomy just to save my uterus so I could settle down and get married to my financee. Ultiamtely it did not work out, I did not get married, and I did not have kids. In my case, I did not meet the right man in time to have children. For a while I went through a struggle to let go of that dream and I came to terms with it. Then, At about 40 or so I decided I no longer wanted to start having babies. I don't feel bad about that either. As you, I have other children in my life.

Honestly, I don't feel for one second like I owe anyone an explaination for why I have never been married and why I don't have kids. Sometimes life does not work the way you would like and I have comes to terms with that for myself, but quite honestly, I don't feel its anyone elses business. I am in a relationship now for 1 1/2 years but if I had to meet someone new I'd tell them this is what I am and they have to accept me as I am now. I am still everything I was before I had my uterus taken out. The difference is I have a huge verticle scar and more space in my closet where the tampons used to be. I think men at my age are not looking to have kids either so that takes the away chance of it being a problem.
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  #12  
Unread 08-06-2007, 01:08 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

Yeah, this is so...

thanks for your input, I appreaciate it... I would be more ellaborate in my reply,but I feel like hell today, and can barely sit... but I did read it...
  #13  
Unread 08-06-2007, 01:24 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

. . . sorry you are not feeling well. barely sit because of pain? very sorry to hear that. it did used to hurt me a lot prior to my hyst, from the encysted ovaries that I barely knew about . . . . hope you feel better soon.
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  #14  
Unread 08-06-2007, 01:27 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

A6000, here is another thought.

I am one of several successful career girls that have been friends for years. We traveled the world and waited to get married and have kids. No we are midlife and single. On the other hand some of my friends are heart broken that they gave up their careers even though they love their family life. They mourn the loss of the bringing in their own money and having their identity in the business world. Those of us who didn't find the right guy in time mourn not having kids. They envy us and we envy them. It is a wierd thing that either side is not just right somehow.

I think you have to release the "form" you think it supposed to take and focus on the fact that there are many types of loving relationships that enter your life that are not necessarily the norm.

Sorry to hear you feel like crap today. This too shall pass.
  #15  
Unread 08-06-2007, 02:06 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by blueheron2003
. . . sorry you are not feeling well. barely sit because of pain? very sorry to hear that. it did used to hurt me a lot prior to my hyst, from the encysted ovaries that I barely knew about . . . . hope you feel better soon.
My ovaries seem to be ok, 'perfect' as my doctor puts it, but my uterus, that is a whole other thing. I have scar tissue from a previous myomectomy, but the over twenty fibroids I have now. (she stopped counting at twenty) and my period, together. Ugh...

I am also a tall person, so like many larger women, my period has never been kind to me, but today, I feel like I have eaten an elephant with hide, tusks, and hair. Ack.

Honestly, I am so over my uterus, it consumes a third to a half of my life now, and I feel like I am standing still, my dreams and aspirations, are not moving forward, at all... I just hope my recovery is without complications, and is not prolonged...
  #16  
Unread 08-06-2007, 02:12 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

That totally sucks!! There is no other way to put it.

I am really glad I am over the whole thing. I never bleed with the fibroids like you but the pain was unbearable. Now that I am healing and doing more, I am less sore from the surgery every day and I am beginning to feel what it is like to live without pain.

Oh my, it was soooo worth it.
  #17  
Unread 08-06-2007, 02:14 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann43
I am one of several successful career girls that have been friends for years. We traveled the world and waited to get married and have kids. No we are midlife and single. On the other hand some of my friends are heart broken that they gave up their careers even though they love their family life. They mourn the loss of the bringing in their own money and having their identity in the business world. Those of us who didn't find the right guy in time mourn not having kids. They envy us and we envy them. It is a weird thing that either side is not just right somehow.
Well, I was at some point a successful career woman, but now I am an artist, who teaches to pay the bills. I also am a computer geek, so I do system admin, seems there is a lot of call for that. I find that I am not mourning the fact that I will not have kids, but others around me are. It used to be more vocal, before when I actually possessed the ability to have kids, but now that the physical end of any possible ability is here, short of having my eggs harvested and put into someone else, the mourning seems to have fallen silent, almost as if there is finally a realization that I was right, when I said at something like thirteen, that I did not want kids, and I knew better than anyone who tried to tell me otherwise.

Still, as all of my siblings have kids a plenty, sometimes I feel like the 'odd man out', and sometimes I feel like it is not only me that feels that way. I only have brothers, so maybe it was assumed that as the only female child, I would somehow for certain be the parent, versus my brothers... or something...

I think I could be a little more confusing and vague if I try...

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann43
I think you have to release the "form" you think it supposed to take and focus on the fact that there are many types of loving relationships that enter your life that are not necessarily the norm.
Yep, very right you are...

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann43
Sorry to hear you feel like crap today. This too shall pass.
Yeah, and with some very strong pain medications, I feel better, until they wear off anyway...
  #18  
Unread 08-06-2007, 02:22 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann43
That totally sucks!! There is no other way to put it.

I am really glad I am over the whole thing. I never bleed with the fibroids like you but the pain was unbearable. Now that I am healing and doing more, I am less sore from the surgery every day and I am beginning to feel what it is like to live without pain.

Oh my, it was soooo worth it.
Before I had the large one removed a few years ago, I would go into shock from pain and bleeding. (once I was rushed to emergency) Now it is more of a steady pain, and steady bleeding, that is slowly but surely sucking me dry.

Without iron pills, and clotting medicines, and strong painkillers, I would not be able to function. It'sthe 6th today, almost the 7th here, so, that leaves seventeen days, sixteen until I go to hospital. Just gotta stay healthy, keep busy, and take care of myself until then. Somehow.
  #19  
Unread 08-06-2007, 02:23 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

I am very lucky. No one has every judged me or made me feel as if I was out in any way for not having kids. I am pretty sure they all knew how badly I wanted kids so they never said anything because they knew it was something that bothered me.

I can honestly say my kids would have been screwed up being part of my family so maybe it is a good thing.
  #20  
Unread 08-06-2007, 02:32 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann43
I am very lucky. No one has every judged me or made me feel as if I was out in any way for not having kids. I am pretty sure they all knew how badly I wanted kids so they never said anything because they knew it was something that bothered me.
I think right now, people are tiptoeing around me. They know I am bothered about the surgery, bothered about being sick, and somewhat ambivelent about losing my reproductive ability. (such as it is) I wish they would not eggshell around me, it bugs me. But anyway, this place is helping me clear my thoughts... as I can vocalise without worrying about reactions of people who have known me for my whole life.

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann43
I can honestly say my kids would have been screwed up being part of my family so maybe it is a good thing.
I do not presume to know about your family, but you seem like someone who would be nice to be around.

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