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Single women? Women who are not mothers? Single women? Women who are not mothers?

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  #21  
Unread 08-06-2007, 04:25 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

Well they (my family) are an interesting bunch that is for sure, not too emotionally healthy though so I can clearly see where my kids would have gotten a little warped. Thank GOD I escaped ha ha. But I am sure we all have our family challenges.

I feel so bad you are in emotional turmoil over this. I think the people in my life were on line with me because I had openly said how much I wanted children and was worried wasn't going to get the chance. Carrying with fibriods createsa lot of pregnancey issues. Then after the myomectomy I got even more concerned. Now, since I was so ill with the fibriods I have openly told everyone that I'm really diappointed about not having kids but I am really looking forward to being healthy. They aren't weird with it now. Plus, when they say adopt I just tell them I'd prefer to not be driving powder blue van to soccer games at 55 years old.
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  #22  
Unread 08-06-2007, 04:58 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

I'm so sorry you're having so much difficulty with these issues. You're hardly alone, as you have already discovered.

I like the pat answer, "I can't have children." You don't have to say it in a mean way, as if you don't *like* children -- just matter-of-factly that you can't have them. If they persist saying things like, "Isn't that a shame" or "You must be so sad", just shrug and say, "I don't have any choice in the matter..." or "I'm worried the risks of surgery but I need to do this for my health".... or something like that.

Most people really don't want to know what's going on... but my experience is that anything which sets a person outside the 'norm' (whatever that is ) makes others uncomfortable on some level. It's your choice whether you let them bother you... It seems like you're a pretty strong woman and that should bode well for you.

As for your issues about the physical aspects of surgery -- there's no doubt that probably almost every (((sister))) here can relate to those feelings on some level. I hated the idea that to feel better I had to have an organ removed. And now, nearly three years later, although things are better, they are not "fixed up" by any means. I still have pain, still deal with some lingering problems, as much from just having *any* surgery as from having a hysterectomy. This surgery is not without risks, so I understand your trepidation.

I don't know if I've helped you any, but remember, we're always here whenever you need us.
  #23  
Unread 08-06-2007, 05:10 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann43
Well they (my family) are an interesting bunch that is for sure, not too emotionally healthy though so I can clearly see where my kids would have gotten a little warped. Thank GOD I escaped ha ha. But I am sure we all have our family challenges.
Indeed...

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann43
I feel so bad you are in emotional turmoil over this. I think the people in my life were on line with me because I had openly said how much I wanted children and was worried wasn't going to get the chance.
I tend to be very closed off and quite stony, even with people I care about deeply. It is almost like i am somehow some sort of virtual samurai, or whatever. All fight, no flight.

So when I am right now confronted with something I cannot fight, and that I cannot effect, my nature turns even more inwards. People in my life are expecting me to be afraid, or to show some sort of humanity. Instead I am taking good days to rip tree stumps out of my yard. Sort of a type of venting, if you will...

I am afraid, and concerned, but though my nature is not melancholy or introverted, I find myself turning inwards, and withdrawing, versus reaching out.

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann43
Carrying with fibriods creates a lot of pregnancy issues. Then after the myomectomy I got even more concerned. Now, since I was so ill with the fibriods I have openly told everyone that I'm really diappointed about not having kids but I am really looking forward to being healthy. They aren't weird with it now. Plus, when they say adopt I just tell them I'd prefer to not be driving powder blue van to soccer games at 55 years old.
Yeah, my fertility, was in question with my myomectomy. The myoma removed was huge, and it was only a few months before the first of the new ones appeared. My doctor though has said to me more than once, that she would simply not perform a hysterectomy on a woman if she did not feel it was a last resort. With me, it is. My chronic anemia could lead to other, much more serious conditions, and right now, I am trapped in my body. I used to be an athlete... now I can barely do a sit up, not somuch because I have lost tone,but because the uterus does not permit it, and I get breathless... so I think the fact that I am simply a shadow of myself, is also very stressful for my emotions, and my mental state.

Also, steady employment is not possible, as what employer in their right mind is going to hire someone who can only work 2 to 3 weeks out of a month?
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  #24  
Unread 08-06-2007, 05:24 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

mjd2491 - I'm so sorry you're having so much difficulty with these issues. You're hardly alone, as you have already discovered.

Yeah, I was not sure what to expect when I finally joined this forum. A friend who had tubal ligation told me about it, and then I forgot, and then later looked it up by accident, with google. But it is all good...

I like the pat answer, "I can't have children." You don't have to say it in a mean way, as if you don't *like* children -- just matter-of-factly that you can't have them. If they persist saying things like, "Isn't that a shame" or "You must be so sad", just shrug and say, "I don't have any choice in the matter..." or "I'm worried the risks of surgery but I need to do this for my health".... or something like that.

True, it will be simpler to tell them that I simply cannot have children, versus try to explain that I do not want them. Seems odd to phrase it like that. I love children, in my dream job I am teaching kindergarten, or maybe leementary school, but me and my dog hang out when I am at home, and that is plenty.

Most people really don't want to know what's going on... but my experience is that anything which sets a person outside the 'norm' (whatever that is ) makes others uncomfortable on some level. It's your choice whether you let them bother you... It seems like you're a pretty strong woman and that should bode well for you.

It is certainly helping to vent my feelings... :-)

As for your issues about the physical aspects of surgery -- there's no doubt that probably almost every (((sister))) here can relate to those feelings on some level. I hated the idea that to feel better I had to have an organ removed. And now, nearly three years later, although things are better, they are not "fixed up" by any means. I still have pain, still deal with some lingering problems, as much from just having *any* surgery as from having a hysterectomy. This surgery is not without risks, so I understand your trepidation.

Not having this surgery, comes with guaranteed risks. The fibroids are killing me... slowly, but surely. I am dying of blood loss, to put it mildly, and the nourishment they require is also depleting me... so I lack vitality... which scares the hell out of my mother, and really bugs the hell out of me...

I don't know if I've helped you any, but remember, we're always here whenever you need us.

This is all good. Thank you!
  #25  
Unread 08-09-2007, 05:06 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by MollyPolly
That's exactly what I say too, "I can't have children." That usually leaves them feeling stupid for asking me in the first place WHY I don't have any kids at my age. Stupid questions will get short answers from me.

I know I'll be grieving the loss of my reproductive system in the months to come, but right now, my focus was getting anything that produces estrogen out of my system, as I have Stage IV breast cancer with metastisis to my sternum, spine, lymphatic system. God willing, the pathology from my TAH will be favorable, but if not, I will deal with that blow when it comes. At least everything is GONE.

All I ever wanted to be - EVER IN LIFE - was a mother. I have just realized that I AM a mother. So what if it's to a fur baby. ;-) So what if I didn't give birth to her. She's my baby regardless.

Wow, I sound like a freak. LOL. Sorry.
You are so NOT a freak. I have been reading these posts and am teary, because I know exactly what you mean. My doc seems to cater more to the pregnant set, too..... after my surgery, I walked the hall and ran into every cute young thing with a baby. Anyone else having tricks with your head after surgery hearing babies cry? I probably should have requested a surgical floor, but the nurses reassured me that the week before "there were lots of you hyst gals here". Not that I have to have a baby, mind you, but I felt like such a freak, and society really is constipated (!) in it's attitudes on this subject. I found so much insight from all of you here and realize I am not alone (it's just at work that I am!) I have pictures in my work "cube" of my fur baby. MollyPolly, you are brave and beautiful. I will pray for you in your battles. Tami
  #26  
Unread 08-09-2007, 06:30 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

MollyPolly - That's exactly what I say too, "I can't have children." That usually leaves them feeling stupid for asking me in the first place WHY I don't have any kids at my age. Stupid questions will get short answers from me.

Indeed. Sorry for taking so long to reply to this, but it seems I have had a few days where my life has been a bit awkward...

I know I'll be grieving the loss of my reproductive system in the months to come, but right now, my focus was getting anything that produces estrogen out of my system, as I have Stage IV breast cancer with metastisis to my sternum, spine, lymphatic system. God willing, the pathology from my TAH will be favorable, but if not, I will deal with that blow when it comes. At least everything is GONE.

Wow, dunno what to say, as you have probably heard it all already.

Estrogen is a funny thing. My body makes lots of it, my cycle is so powerful that other women who are exposed to me are ussualy totally messed up by it. This means I look 17 at thirty something, but it also means I grow things. Hmmm...

All I ever wanted to be - EVER IN LIFE - was a mother. I have just realized that I AM a mother. So what if it's to a fur baby. ;-) So what if I didn't give birth to her. She's my baby regardless.

Yeah, I have a dog, who has also had a hysterectomy, mind you. I love animals... they are so neat...

Wow, I sound like a freak. LOL. Sorry.

Nah, you don't...
  #27  
Unread 08-09-2007, 10:59 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

Hello All,

I also get the why don't you have children look. I suffered for years with cramps and bleeding. I guess that I always thought that I would have children but it never happened. Anyhoo, My family and friends just look at me now with pity in their eyes like I am missing out on something. I just look back at them and say it is out of my hands. My 2 nieces, ages 6 and 8 said the most wonderful thing to me. They said we are your children and you are our auntieparent!!! Even now they call me mommy sometimes and my heart just swells. Also my best friend said that if I really wanted to have children she would carry them for me! I don;t know what I would do without them in my life. Just saying that not everyone will be that way.

Just me venting

ARC369
  #28  
Unread 08-10-2007, 01:53 AM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

I notice you haven't had your surgery yet. I guess my big question is: do you have to have the hysterectomy or could they do anything else instead? I understand the pain. I thought I would bleed to death before they could get mine out.... Two years later I have no sex drive whatsoever. I would spare you that pain if I could.
  #29  
Unread 08-10-2007, 06:10 AM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by ARC369
Hello All,

I also get the why don't you have children look. I suffered for years with cramps and bleeding. I guess that I always thought that I would have children but it never happened. Anyhoo, My family and friends just look at me now with pity in their eyes like I am missing out on something. I just look back at them and say it is out of my hands. My 2 nieces, ages 6 and 8 said the most wonderful thing to me. They said we are your children and you are our auntieparent!!! Even now they call me mommy sometimes and my heart just swells. Also my best friend said that if I really wanted to have children she would carry them for me! I don;t know what I would do without them in my life. Just saying that not everyone will be that way.

Just me venting

ARC369
Good venting!
  #30  
Unread 08-10-2007, 06:11 AM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by wintersnow
I notice you haven't had your surgery yet. I guess my big question is: do you have to have the hysterectomy or could they do anything else instead? I understand the pain. I thought I would bleed to death before they could get mine out.... Two years later I have no sex drive whatsoever. I would spare you that pain if I could.
It is nessesary to save my life. My doctor delayed it all by about 3 to 4 years, but now, it is my life, and my health, versus my uterus. I trust my doctor... and I want my life back.

Sorry your experience is not treating you well... though.
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