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Single women? Women who are not mothers? Single women? Women who are not mothers?

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  #51  
Unread 08-14-2007, 11:30 AM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

Hi Abby, we have some stuff in common here. I prefer my dog's company a lot of the time. I understand what you are saying, it is easier to deflect people's comments than deal with all of it. I feel like I am under a microscope sometimes. When I was still really trying to conceive, one of the girls I work with and I considered a friend became pregnant. What happened then, was that everyone in the office knew about it but me. The day she chose to tell me, she took me aside in front of everyone else. This just made the whole thing worse because everyone was watching my reaction. I have learned to grow crocodile skin so no one can hurt me. And I believe our grieving process is here and now. Don't underestimate yourself, you ARE dealing with it! And I believe that parenthood is highly overrated, there are lots of unhappy people out there that appear (to me) to have everything.
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  #52  
Unread 08-14-2007, 01:37 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

Thank you so much, Knitting Queen.
  #53  
Unread 08-14-2007, 11:19 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
As I was reading your posting, I was preparing myself for another "not like me" readings, but to my amazement and comfort, we have this in common, I'm not married, not in a relationship, no children and not straight. I was disappointed as I was reading some of the post-op information in the FAQ section. When it started with "My wife....", I wanted to scream!!! I hate having to pick through all the information and finding what things relate to my situation. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.
If you're a woman dealing with issues surrounding a hysterectomy, then you're far, far from alone. There are over 100,000 members here at HysterSisters, and as far as I can see, we're all in the same boat.

Maybe I'm being dense, but in my book sexual preference, marital status and parental status don't mean a thing in the grand scheme of things. When you have this surgery, the effect on your body is the same, no matter if you're in a relationship or not, and whether you have children or not. Relationships (romantic and family) are extraneous pieces, but they should not distract us from the fact that we're all women going through essentially the same journey.

It's seldom that you'll find another person with exactly the same set of circumstances you've had to face. I've yet to meet a person "just like me" here, but that doesn't mean that I don't listen to what others have to say. Black/white, gay/straight, married/unmarried, no college/college graduate, kids/no kids -- there's always going to be something which we can choose to use as an excuse to separate ourselves from other people. But for my part, I prefer to appreciate our various perspectives and realize that we actually have so very much in common in the final analysis.
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  #54  
Unread 08-15-2007, 03:28 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

mjd2491 - If you're a woman dealing with issues surrounding a hysterectomy, then you're far, far from alone. There are over 100,000 members here at HysterSisters, and as far as I can see, we're all in the same boat.

That is true, we are women, and we are in the same boat, in what will happen to us, and possibly how we feel afterwards, and beforehand. But the people in our lives are different, ie: The closest people to me, are my parents. Not my husband or boyfriend, so finding ways of dealing with that, is a little hard sometimes. I think that was the point being made. Husband and wife, while words that mean something, do not mean the same thing to me, as they do to a woman who is married, wants to be married, will someday be married, or who has been married....

Maybe I'm being dense, but in my book sexual preference, marital status and parental status don't mean a thing in the grand scheme of things. When you have this surgery, the effect on your body is the same, no matter if you're in a relationship or not, and whether you have children or not. Relationships (romantic and family) are extraneous pieces, but they should not distract us from the fact that we're all women going through essentially the same journey.

I don't think you are being dense, and the points you make are valid and excellent. But the fact remains, I cannot relate to husbands, or wives, or anythign like that. My life is very different... I find I want to talk about what I would do when I someday have another girlfriend. I would want to know if I need to worry about things, tell her something, and so on. My sexuality is based mainly around non-phallic methods, so the effect on my sex life, what will it be?

If I had a girlfriend, which I do not, but if I did. How could I insure that she can access me in the hospital. Most places are amicable, but if there is somethign seriously wrong, or ICU is involved, or god forbid, questions about organ donations. How do I make my wishes clear?

I have an excellent relationship with my parents, who are my legal next of kin. But this was not always so, it is the product of much hard work, and many years.

Many lesbians, have no relationship with their parents, only their lover knows them, and what they want. Maybe parents show up in the hospital and they create a scene, throw lover out, make medical decisions. And so on. Mine would not do this, but many parents would. Power of attorneys and living wills, go only so far in reality. Also there is emotional backlash.

Physically, we will go through the same thing, and because we are women, and we are just as womanly and maternal as the next woman, we will have some of the same issues personally, but then it stops.

I do realise, as I said in my innitial post, that I did not want someone who was precicelly like me, per se. I have appreaciated the communication I have had with the women here, very much. But, I also seek understanding of my unique situation, and I think wearsie is also trying to say that...

It is very intimidating for many lesbians to be among heterosexual women, as often, we are regarded as less womanly, less then other women. Also, we go through life having to justify our very existance, and are constantly oblidged to explain ourselves, are subject to being called names, and someone like me, who is a PE Teacher, and who deals with teen-aged girls on a daily basis, would quite quickly be tarred and feathered and burned at the stake, if it was common knowledge that I am a lesbian. There is this monstorous assumption that we are perverts, or out to recruit innocent children, as if we are less than human. As if we are not women, who love children, and who would protect them just as surely as any woman would!?!?!

This can make us sometimes, feel very defensive, and isolated... and it takes time, to grow out of it...

A comment I received a little while ago, was: Well the change will not be as significant for you, as you do not have to worry about unwanted pregnancy, and you don't sleep with men, so what are you so worried about? You are losing nothing...

I was furious... My being gay, does not preclude my being a woman...

And so on...

It's seldom that you'll find another person with exactly the same set of circumstances you've had to face. I've yet to meet a person "just like me" here, but that doesn't mean that I don't listen to what others have to say. Black/white, gay/straight, married/unmarried, no college/college graduate, kids/no kids -- there's always going to be something which we can choose to use as an excuse to separate ourselves from other people. But for my part, I prefer to appreciate our various perspectives and realize that we actually have so very much in common in the final analysis.

Yes, we are all kin, as we are all women, but kinship, is somethign else. I hope I make some sense, and if not, please ask me to clarify. I go off on tangents and often find that I am blabbering, and postulating, and no one has any clue, and then comes the misunderdtanding, and so on. I am very easy going, old enough to know better, young enough not to care, and so on...
  #55  
Unread 08-15-2007, 03:37 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by wearsie
Hello.

As I was reading your posting, I was preparing myself for another "not like me" readings, but to my amazement and comfort, we have this in common, I'm not married, not in a relationship, no children and not straight. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

Wearsie
Newp, you are not alone...

:-)
  #56  
Unread 08-15-2007, 03:38 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by knitting queen
Welcome to you. This is a great place, there is understanding here I'm addicted. Although I am married, I married late in life and I just don't feel a real deep connection with my parter. I relate so much better to women and only other women can really understand what heartbreak is, when our bodies fail to do what they are supposed to. Wow, that was everything in a nutshell. For me it is really hard at work, everybody has or is able to have kids, it is hard not to be offended at some of the conversations. But I have a full life outside of work too. I know I'm rambling, but we are here if you need a sympathetic ear! Tami
Thank you, this I have realised about this place. While it has a bias, it is not at all bigoted. :-) :-) :-)
  #57  
Unread 08-15-2007, 03:41 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by wearsie
Once I'm healthy again and back to living life the way I envision, I am going to pursue that route. I'm finally at a place in life where the career is on track and I'm happy (and it didn't take a partner for completion). If someone comes along, that would be an added blessing, but adopting a child would really complete my world.
Kids are great. I am glad my nieces and nephews like me. They think I am 'cool'... I have also considered adopting, if the time comes...
  #58  
Unread 08-15-2007, 03:43 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by abbymonique
Deep down, I love children. I would have been a great mother. I AM a great mother to my dog. But....it's just easier for me to cope with everyone elses expectations by turning it to something that was "better off". Did this make any sense? Sorry if it didn't. My point is that I sabotaged everyone elses pity statements before they happened by making it seem like I didn't want children anyway. Crazy....I know, but....it's how I deal with it.
I suppose the grieving process will come along someday and I will reflect back on what might have been (if only)...but until that happens, I'm going to be the "lady that doesn't like kids"....lol
I am sure the kids see right through you, though... and know you like them. I have noticed this about kids... Adults think I am this severe, icy type of person. Kids, they think I am great fun...

Go figure...
  #59  
Unread 08-15-2007, 04:00 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

[
as often, we are regarded as less womanly, less then other women. Also, we go through life having to justify our very existance, and are constantly oblidged to explain ourselves, are subject to being called names, and someone like me, who is a PE Teacher, and who deals with teen-aged girls on a daily basis, would quite quickly be tarred and feathered and burned at the stake, if it was common knowledge that I am a lesbian. There is this monstorous assumption that we are perverts, or out to recruit innocent children, as if we are less than human. As if we are not women, who love children, and who would protect them just as surely as any woman would!?!?!

A comment I received a little while ago, was: Well the change will not be as significant for you, as you do not have to worry about unwanted pregnancy, and you don't sleep with men, so what are you so worried about? You are losing nothing...

Hey - regarding the comment made by the insensitive loser Unbelievable!! The grieving process takes place no matter what; It just makes me sad, as did the preceding paragraph. And we call ourselves a progressive society? I'd be proud to have you teach my daughter (if I had one, you know.) Your posts inspire me to think, which is a good thing. This is therapeutic for all of us. Have a better day.
  #60  
Unread 08-15-2007, 04:26 PM
Single women? Women who are not mothers?

knitting queen - Hey - regarding the comment made by the insensitive loser Unbelievable!! The grieving process takes place no matter what; It just makes me sad, as did the preceding paragraph. And we call ourselves a progressive society? I'd be proud to have you teach my daughter (if I had one, you know.) Your posts inspire me to think, which is a good thing. This is therapeutic for all of us. Have a better day.

Ah, hmmm, well don't be sad. For every hurt and misunderstanding, there is someone who is not that way. People who will march with us, and lay down their reputations and even their well being, for us. Plenty...more than plenty...

Thank goodness, we could not go it alone as well as we can go it with help.

:-)

It took me a while to get over the hurt and the anger, but the world is a glorious place, and it is full of wonders, and wonderful people. There is no use in dwelling on the bad things, and there have been plenty. I have been beaten up for my sexuality for example. But instead of taking away some bitter anger from that, I took away a desire to rise up, and defend, even more fervently, and many people would stand by me. Gay, straight, trans, bi, even asexual and/or omnisexual types. By the time I was twenty five, my life calmed down, and I grew up... mostly...

I still chase after butterflies with my four year old students, as well, they are supposed to be running, and hey, if a butterfly is what will get them to run and be happy about it, then we chase the butterfly.

I am just a big kid in some ways...

And I am sure if your hypothetical fourteen year old daughter was my student, I would be proud to teach her! :-)
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