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Getting a little disgusted Getting a little disgusted

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Unread 09-16-2007, 07:37 AM
Getting a little disgusted

I am a bit disgusted today.

I feel like everyone is waiting for me to return to normal. I had alot of help with my daughter, can't complain about that but everything else has been begging for me. I mean, I get the impression that they want their lives to be normal.

I don't expect alot out of people, but, you know, I had a pretty big operation and now I am going into week two and I think my entire family thinks, well, she is ok...she can do it. I didn't have anyone to help me around the apartment. I ama single mom and my five year old tends to make a mess and needless to say, I usually vacuum often and have not been able to do it. I have been hinting to my family and they play dumb. So, yesterday, I did it and maybe I shouldn't cause today I am bleeding more than I should. :

I don't understand the people in my life. The guy I am seeing lives about an hour from me. I know he has a job and that he can't make it here as much as I think he could but, you know, what is very upsetting to me is yesterday he was going to come to see me.....he wanted sex and I said I couldn't.....well, did he come to just spend time with me.....NO....he could have come by just to sit for a little bit. I am so very disgusted right now. I guess I can see that I am on my own to take care of things and the message I get is that if I am of no good to another then when I do get better he/she will be around....and that is going to everyone in my family and him.

I know I am independent and I usually don't need anything from is just this time.....this was a huge thing for me. I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I will never have another child and that I wonder if me having this done turns him off. I just hate that for one time in my life I needed someone and none of them were there for me. I know I will get over it and stupid me, if they would need me I would be there in a minute without having any further thoughts of showing them how it feels to be alone. I never do that...I hear someone needs me and I just go. I guess that is me as a nurse. We are caretakers.

Anyway....just had to vent as today I am feeling alone and disgusted.
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Unread 09-16-2007, 07:51 AM
Getting a little disgusted

hmmmmmmmmm..Athena......does that mean that since you can't have sex for at least 6 weeks that this guy won't come around for you???..not to be mean but he doesn't sound like the type of guy that you should count on period!!......maybe you can look at this surgery as a blessing in that it may have you look at things in a different light and reaccess your are not even 2 weeks out yet and you still have alot of healing...don't worry about the vacuuming and if need be come out and ask one of your family members to run the vacuum for you...sometimes subtle hints do not work...maybe you can get your 5 year old to vacuum a little even if it not perfect make him/her feel like your big helper...I know my 6 year old was thrilled to help out....I had him use the hose attachment just to suck up the crumbs that he made on the rug and it was so cool to him and got the job done...your first priority has to be your healing...what type of surgery did you have??
Unread 09-16-2007, 08:39 AM
Getting a little disgusted

Please, please do not overdo it and take care of yourself. Let your 5 year old try to vacuum a little if your family members won't help. You might have also got an awakening with your boyfriend as well. This is MAJOR surgery no matter what type it is.

I know how you feel when everyone just wants you back to normal immediately. Even after 6 weeks you will still have to be cautious with lifting. My doctor told me that the bladder is no longer supported my the uterus and lifting things that are too heavy could make it drop. It really does take a year to heal completely.

I just finished week 3 and had been feeling great. I never had any post op spotting or bleeding at all. Well I threw on a pair of high heels and went back to work Wed - Fri and was bleeding bright red by Saturday which freaked me out since I have never had any post op bleeding. I go to the doctor tomorrow morning and have already been informed that I will not be going to work tomorrow. I will probably have to stay home another week and I got the LSH done which is supposed to be the fastest healing. DOn;t get me wrong, I have been feeling great and pain free but it just proves that even when you do feel better, there is still a lot of healing inside. This bleeding scare was enough to slow me all the way down. I am used to being superwoman but have to take a step back and let my body heal. I still haven't touched a vacuum cleaner and wont.

Please give yourself time to heal and certain family members have really shown their true colors to me during my recovery process. I am the one who would drop everything and run to help everyone also who needed it but after this ordeal, I have to reassess if I am just being taken advantage and used because I have been allowing it for so many years. I was called selfish by several members of the family b/c I didn't want 3 people staying at my house during week two of my recovery over the Labor Day weekend. I was also told by one of my aunt's that she felt perfectly fine after week one and I was just weak. How rude! She used to call me at least once per week but since I turned her family down on staying with me and they had to get a hotel, I haven't heard from her since.
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Unread 09-16-2007, 10:48 AM
Getting a little disgusted

I know, alot of reassessment here to do. I will get passed it. I don't expect much from alot of people. I am sure if I would have asked him to come here to sit with me he would have. I don't know. Kind of at a loss for words.

Thanks for the kind words ladies. It means alot.
Unread 09-16-2007, 11:16 AM
Getting a little disgusted

Hey, hon -

Is there any way for you to have a housecleaner come in a couple times a week til you feel better? Is there a volunteer organization where you live?

Your inner stitches start dissolving at week 3 or so...that means you only have that extra healing support til then.

PLEASE let yourself heal. Dust isn't fatal!

Repeat after me: "Dust it my friend. Dust is my friend."

Just teasing you...but you are #1 right now.

Unread 09-16-2007, 01:18 PM
Getting a little disgusted

You have had major surgery and I know everyone who was eager to help at first probably don't realize you're still in need of help, although it may seem like you're better, you're still healing. Maybe they just don't understand, try asking them for what you need. I know what you mean about you being a caretaker and being there for people when they need you. I too am a nurse and everyone figures since I am a nurse I don't need help. Please take it easy and don't overdo you're still healing and still have quite a ways to go until you're completely healed.

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