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1 week post op and husband is complete ******* 1 week post op and husband is complete *******

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Unread 10-24-2007, 08:55 PM
1 week post op and husband is complete *******

Has he seen your incision? If so, has that made ANY impression on him?

I have suggested elsewhere in HS that if you can get a really GOOD photo of a hyst on your computer and print it out (high resolution, fullest colour - it's worth the ink!) and hand it to him...well...LOL

If your surgeon/doctor is male, have him phone your husband and have a man-to-man talk. Men seem to need FACTS not feelings, and the doc will give him all the facts he can handle!

HUGS and good luck.
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Unread 10-24-2007, 09:14 PM
1 week post op and husband is complete *******

I say toss 'em out!
Unread 10-24-2007, 09:29 PM
1 week post op and husband is complete *******

Maybe the two of you need a third party to get involved. For my marriage, it was a marriage counselor. Could your dh be clueless, or be harboring resentment? If someone truly loves another, they WANT to go out of their way for that someone. He isn't displaying these typical emotions, it seems. You're his damsel in distress, and for some reason, he doesn't want to be your knight in shining armour! Have you asked him what's on his mind, or what he's feeling? I'm thinking of you, of course, but want to get to his core so that he can fix it and get on w/pampering you! Keep us up, we're all concerned for you.
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Unread 10-24-2007, 11:26 PM
1 week post op and husband is complete *******

I guess I'm wondering why you're surprised that he's treating you poorly right now. He treated you horribly after your hysterectomy, and now you are berating him throughout your post. Did you think he would have some sort of awakening between your hysterectomy and the last surgery? If so, I really think you misjudged him pretty badly.

I have been divorced once, and I am now 14 years into my second marriage. I know all too well that it takes two people to cause difficulties. Yeah, my first husband didn't take care of me at all. But you know what? I didn't ask him to, either. When he asked me if anything was wrong, I said no -- and he believed me. But I didn't want him to...I wanted him to take care of me anyway but no way was I going to tell him what was wrong! (Boy, did that work well. NOT)

What I'm trying to say is that I think you need some help. Not for your husband -- but for you. You deserve some happiness out of this life, and it's obvious to me that this relationship is not working out. My advice would be to try some counseling (prefereably for both of you, but for just you if he refuses) and if that doesn't work, simply get out of it as soon as possible.

For now, quit the blaming and fuming...not because you shouldn't be doing it, because you probably should. I can see you're hurting, and that makes me sad. But you need to quit the blaming and the resentments because it's too stressful on your body, and you need to focus on your recovery. Don't expend energy on anger and frustration toward him when you need to get better yourself. Don't give him that energy! Be selfish this time.

He's not going to change. You know the old saying: Women go into marriage hoping their men will change, and they never will. Men go into marriage hoping their women will never change, and they do.

I you are able to come to some sort of peace about this situation. Whatever you decide to do with your husband...you need to work through some of these issues for yourself so that you can get some peace and some happiness! for you.
Unread 10-25-2007, 09:46 AM
1 week post op and husband is complete *******

I so agree with mjd's advice for you.

In the short term, ask/tell him to go with you to your next doctor's appt. Your doc can be an informative 3rd party for now.

If he doesn't go, tell your doctor what isn't happening...there might be some counseling resources he can put you in touch with.

Unread 10-25-2007, 12:45 PM
1 week post op and husband is complete *******

GREAT advice mjd2491!!
Unread 10-25-2007, 01:12 PM
1 week post op and husband is complete *******

yair, my dh can be kind caring and sensitive, when he chooses ! ! which can be a trap, because you think to yourself........"hmmm......well, he could be worse, and i should just appreciate the good things"..........then he gets away with it. chiefly the problem with males in our society, is that they only have to be reeeally nice 50% of the time, and everyone gushes what a nice guy they are, whereas, as a female, you have to be sickeningly nice 100% of the time, or else your labelled a ***** ! ! NOT FAIR ! ! consequently our expectations are generally low, of males, but, in times of greater need, we then end up feeling ripped off. and, it seems that most males are like children, like one of the sisters said, but, i guess that's because they get babied all their childhoods, instead of being expected to contribute to the running of the house like most females are expected, then they marry, and expect the babying to continue. and, for many of us, we just go into automatic, and mother them. UUUGHHH.........very unattractive, when you think about it. being married to a child for the rest of your life......EEEUUWW. anyway, the older i get, the less i let my dh get away with it, and the more i expect to have some of that babying reciprocated ! ! best thing to do, is sit and talk these issues through, but not when you're feeling too emotional about it, so that the conversation can stay rational, and not turn into an argument. males get so used to compartmentalising their lives, that they are not aware of lots of things. just have to have it pointed out to them. hmmmmm.........hard work, but, what choice.......but, do keep hoping.....gee.
Unread 10-28-2007, 04:55 AM
1 week post op and husband is complete *******

You are SOOOOOO not alone.

By the way, I sent you a private message because I really didn't feel like expressing myself here (yes, I still have the feeling I am 'being watched' at every turn).

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