LAVH hyst scheduled - don't have kids..=(

I have a wonderful DH and a great life and wonderful little poodle "children". My DH and I have always REALLY leaned towards not having children. But, now that I have scheduled my LAVH for severe endo, I feel sad about all of my equipment being gone. When my sis-in-law announced her pregnancy last month, as mean as it sounds, I almost felt resentful about it. Has anyone felt this way....where you didn't really plan to have kids, but now that the option will be gone, you feel sad about it?? I think that up until my surgery date I will be thinking of ALL kinds of things.....and will be happy when I get to the other side and realize all is well and I feel better!! Thanks for being here ladies!

I have no children either. And like you, leaned towards not having kids. But at 36 I discovered I was not really ready either for the choice to be taken away. If I was older and it just never happened it would have been ok. I have a good life.

But now, it does make me sad. And the occasional small talk conversations that talk about how wonderful children are, makes me want to scream.

And the family function I leave for tomorrow is my sisters baby shower, and my surgery is the day after I return... Its really driving me nuts, and probably adding to my edgyness.

I have two children age 16 and 21 and still cried my eyes out for days after hearing this news. I felt like I was being robbed of my femininity in some way, and even though my DH doesn't want any children (mine are from a previous marriage), I had always thought that we could share the experience of having a child together as we are sooooo right for eachother and have such a great marriage, but it's not going to happen.

Most of my friends are just now having children and lots of showers, etc. I have had to stay away from all of that--it's been too painful for me. I'm sure I'll get over it, but it is still very difficult for me to think that my choice will now be gone forever. My very best to you ladies!

I am scheduled to have a LAVH Nov. 5. My DH had a vasectomy years ago, however, I feel a little depressed knowing that after this surgery, its final. No more children.

I know exactly what you mean!! Every since I scheduled my hyst, it seems like I keep hearing comments about what a blessing and a miracle children are, how there is nothing in this world that compares to being a mommy, etc......don't get me wrong, I totally appreciate and respect this whole idea, and I do really like children (nieces and nephews are great to have fun with), BUT, it just makes me feel like somehow I have failed at this part of my life and that in others eyes, there is always going to be something lacking about me.....sounds silly in a way, but that is just how my mind is working. In addition, I don't know about you ladies, but these last few days leading up to surgery, I feel like I have the worst PMS ever.....I wanna get teary eyed over everything....I am trying to keep happier, positive thoughts and I hope you ladies are too....I know we will all do ok and feel sooooooooo much better when all is said and done! =)

Even at age 50, there was a real finality about no longer having the choice, even though I had always chosen to not have children.

My dad died in 1996, my sister in 2006...and with just me and Mom, it was more real to me than ever that our little branch of the family was going to be no more when Mom and I were gone from the planet.

This was a real ripping grief that I let out to a friend after a church service one day. I rationalized, "After all, in war-torn countries, entire generations of families are wiped out instantly." I felt I had nothing to be sorry about.

My friend corrected me: "Your family is just as important as the families overseas."

It was and is. I had to grieve the loss, it didn't kill me...the loss of possibility, the loss of "maybe one day".

Gone.

But there is a new life ahead...and I move on.

I'm right there with you. I'm 38 and tried for YEARS to have a child and did manage to get pregnant once but I lost that baby going into my fourth month. Went on every fertility pill and drug imaged after that but never got pregnant again. Now I have to have everything but my ovaries taken due to excessive bleeding. Seems I bleed or spot three weeks out of every month and I'm over it.

My niece just had her baby this past Sunday and while I was happy for her and little Zooey, it bothered me a little to go into the baby ward and see all those babies knowing that I will NEVER have a child of my own....that the ability will be gone forever (even though I never got pregnant again, I always harbored that little spark of hope...until now).

Anyway, I think it's completely normal that we feel this way...and I don't think we should be hard on ourselves for feeling the way we do.

P.S. I have my Pit Bull babies at my house!

I never wanted any children, just fine with my DH and doggie. But I have to admit, people treat you differently when they find out you don't have kids. You're excluded from "kid" conversations, shunned at family gatherings and resented by your mother because you didn't "produce". My close friends think a woman's only reason for living is to have babies and more babies because that's all they've ever done in their lives. No, I don't think I'll miss my body parts and a last chance to have kids. What I will miss is knowing I will never really fit in.

Yes, I've been trated that way too (by co-workers and other relatives). My mom knows my situation so she really can't hold that one against me, you know what I mean?

Something that really ticked me off the other night was something my husband said to me...and I know he really didn't mean it but it still kind of hurt me. We were having a discussion because we'd just recently adopted a female labrador mix and she needs to be snorfleed because she stays outside in our fenced in yard with two male dogs. Up to this point, when I go to feed the dogs every evening, I always said "I'm going out to feed the boys." I made a comment to my husband that I wouldn't be able to say that anymore (because there's a female in the back yard now). He then said something to the effect of "Well, once we get her snorfled, she may as well be a boy...she won't have her female parts anymore."

I just looked at him and said "So...is that how you're going to feel about me after I have my hysterectomy in two weeks? That I might as well be a boy too?"

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive but it just hit me the wrong way.

Stacy....don't feel like you are being overly sensitive. I can assure you, that I probably would have shed tears over that comment, even though I am sure your husband didn't mean anything by it.

I am hosting a small family get together, my husband's family, a little while after my hyst. My sis-in-law just found out she is pregnant. Can't wait to feel totally excluded and out of place in my own home! =) Even though I don't really want that to be a part of my life, I don't like feeling like I don't fit in or don't "understand".....