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For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned) For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

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  #1  
Unread 11-27-2007, 03:59 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

Okay, so as of this morning, there has been FOUR announced pregnancies in my life in the last month alone. That's one a week....and just when I start to get used to the idea and feel "normal" again WHAM! Guess who else is having a baby...*sigh*.

I am 26 years old, and had my TAH when I was 22 only a month after getting engaged. I never even had a chance!!! I wanted to have at least one child by now, possibly two. But I guess God had other plans. It's just so frustrating, because I don't know how to react anymore.

I can't pretend like I am super happy for them, because really I am not. It's not fair! I also can't act like it's bothering me, because it's been nearly four years and I should be "over this by now"...and I wouldn't want to make anyone feel like I am pushing them away by actually allowing myself to appear sad about any of it. But I am at an age where I should be starting a family, but instead I am forced to wear this fake smile everytime someone announces their good news, the news I will never get to have. And all I want to do is scream!
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  #2  
Unread 11-27-2007, 06:17 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

I'm so sorry. I can't offer much, but I sure can send you a big ... don't be too hard on yourself. Your feelings are completely valid, and you don't ever have to apologize for how you feel. Here's one more for good measure...
  #3  
Unread 11-28-2007, 07:21 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

I know how hard that is . big hugs to you and so sorry for the emotional strugel it must be. Adoptoin is always an option i know not the same but an option
bIG HUGS
lisa
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  #4  
Unread 11-29-2007, 10:16 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

I know it's an option...and one I plan on exploring in the future. My husband turns 30 next year, and I will be 27. I set a personal goal of in between his 30th birthday and mine to become parents, somehow. So I have time. But it just feels like every option we have: adoption. surrogacy, fostering, etc is so much work, and $$$!!! We just bought our first home, and so money is tight, and becoming parents isn't really an option financially as we both work full time (have you seen the cost of daycare?!). But I am 26 and involved in women's ministries at my church for women in their 20's, and so it seems like I am surrounded by pregnant women both at church and at work. So as much as I can seem like I am doing okay, the women in my life serve as a constant reminder of my inadequacies. And I can't always just shake it off. I feel like I am at the tail end of this frustration...I hope! and the more I am able to come on here and vent about it, the better I feel. I am so grateful for this website! Without you ladies I would be truly lost!!!
  #5  
Unread 12-01-2007, 06:25 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Carriana
I know it's an option...and one I plan on exploring in the future. My husband turns 30 next year, and I will be 27. I set a personal goal of in between his 30th birthday and mine to become parents, somehow. So I have time. But it just feels like every option we have: adoption. surrogacy, fostering, etc is so much work, and $$$!!! We just bought our first home, and so money is tight, and becoming parents isn't really an option financially as we both work full time (have you seen the cost of daycare?!). But I am 26 and involved in women's ministries at my church for women in their 20's, and so it seems like I am surrounded by pregnant women both at church and at work. So as much as I can seem like I am doing okay, the women in my life serve as a constant reminder of my inadequacies. And I can't always just shake it off. I feel like I am at the tail end of this frustration...I hope! and the more I am able to come on here and vent about it, the better I feel. I am so grateful for this website! Without you ladies I would be truly lost!!!
I don't know if the women who are having babies are close to you, but if they are just tell them how it effects you. I did have children and I am grateful for my children, but still, it hurts me to hear that someone is having a baby or to even see babies. I don't have that option anymore. Even though my body wouldn't have handled having any more that option is gone and I know how you feel about feeling inadequte. Be strong when you need to and ask for support when you need to. Our emotions about these matters are in an ever constant battle.

HUGS and SUPPORT!
  #6  
Unread 12-02-2007, 08:37 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

blooming rose,

Most of the women who are having children (it's up to SIX now) are very close to me. And most of them do know how it effects me, but there's really nothing they can do. It's not like I can just politely request they not be pregnant around me *L*. But no matter how much I try to explain, I still feel as though they don't fully understand how deep that pain truly is. And if they do, they expect that it shouldn't still be effecting me in this way so many years after the surgery.

I was telling my brother in law the other day that after the 3rd announcement, I just pretty much became numb to it... which isn't exactly where I want to be, but it's better than sad, or angry, or bitter. There's a certain level of disconnect I allow myself to reach that is "comfortable" for me to be in, and allows me to function from day to day. I really need to look further into finding a therapist or counselor who can help me process this in a healthier way.

In the meantime, I always have my hyster sisters =)
  #7  
Unread 12-03-2007, 02:28 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Carriana
blooming rose,

Most of the women who are having children (it's up to SIX now) are very close to me. And most of them do know how it effects me, but there's really nothing they can do. It's not like I can just politely request they not be pregnant around me *L*. But no matter how much I try to explain, I still feel as though they don't fully understand how deep that pain truly is. And if they do, they expect that it shouldn't still be effecting me in this way so many years after the surgery.

I was telling my brother in law the other day that after the 3rd announcement, I just pretty much became numb to it... which isn't exactly where I want to be, but it's better than sad, or angry, or bitter. There's a certain level of disconnect I allow myself to reach that is "comfortable" for me to be in, and allows me to function from day to day. I really need to look further into finding a therapist or counselor who can help me process this in a healthier way.

In the meantime, I always have my hyster sisters =)
I totally understand, I think a counselor could help in ways that we can not. However, this is a great place to find comfort fast. It's a great feeling to know that there are women out there for you, whom you never met and can relate.

We're thinking of you and have you in our prayers.
  #8  
Unread 12-09-2007, 03:40 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

I think you are right when you say they don't fully understand--they haven't been there and so there is no way they can.

I also think you are right to say you should look into a counselor. You want to be in as right a place as possible when you start trying to create your family, as that will be stress that you can not understand now!

You might want to check into foster/adoption options. In my state, if you foster and then adopt the fostered child, it is very inexpensive.

Best wishes to you!
  #9  
Unread 12-09-2007, 04:48 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

  Quote:
Originally Posted by HouseMDFan
I think you are right when you say they don't fully understand--they haven't been there and so there is no way they can.

I also think you are right to say you should look into a counselor. You want to be in as right a place as possible when you start trying to create your family, as that will be stress that you can not understand now!

You might want to check into foster/adoption options. In my state, if you foster and then adopt the fostered child, it is very inexpensive.

Best wishes to you!
A lot of people are unaware that the State for which you foster a child will also help with funding. This is helpful to know if you are concerned about being able to support a child. When I was younger I had a friend that was a foster child and she was taken care of by a wonderful family. They recieved funding for her and they used it to buy food, clothing, beding, clothing and so on. You could research online. Just type in your state and laws for fostering a child, For example, "Florida laws+foster child". Good luck.
  #10  
Unread 12-10-2007, 01:56 PM
For Crying Out Loud! (children mentioned)

Thanks ladies. I definetely need to look into that. I was poking around on the foster websites a while back, and got discouraged, since they basically put it in big bold letters that the purpose is not to find a permanent loving home for the children, but rather give them a safe home "temporarily" until the parents or other family members are able to care for them again. I have a friend who works in the foster care system and I was told that the laws in my state were changing, so I put that aside for a while until I know what I am up against, for sure.
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