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Problems with friends Problems with friends

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Unread 12-02-2007, 12:59 PM
Problems with friends

I feel like I am the only one. But, I keep having problems with my friends. They want me to run around with them. And, they get a little rude when I tell them I can't. I just don't feel up to it. I have felt worse this past week then my second week. They tell me, "you should be better by now", or "it's been four weeks I have given you plenty of time to heal". They also tell me that I act hormonal like I had a baby but I should remember that I have my ovaries so I should not be acting like that. They think because I have my ovaries that I should be fine. It really drags me down emotionally, they are really judgemental. If I do go to their house for a visit they use it against me if I don't feel up to it later in the week.....anyone else have friends that just don't understand??????
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Unread 12-02-2007, 01:11 PM
Problems with friends

Either they are very immature or they are feeling threatened by your situation (they are so upset that you have needed surgery that they are minimizing it so that they don't have to feel so bad.)

I have a few of these in my family.

Hopefully you have other more supportive people in your life. Please take care of your self.

Best wishes!
Unread 12-02-2007, 01:21 PM
Problems with friends

Yes, I understand what you mean! I have friends who said " but so and so had a hyster and felt better in two weeks!". I finally just told them that it was great that they know someone who recovered so quickly but my recovery was going a little slower than that. I think it may have been a fictional friend who was better in two weeks, lol. Explain that you could really use their support right now. I also told them to get back to me if they ever have a hyster! Try to not let other peoples expectations get you down! Take your time with recovery, you can't rush things to accommodate others.

I hope you are feeling better soon. It takes time!
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Unread 12-02-2007, 01:30 PM
Problems with friends

Hi xoxo,

I'm sorry your friends lack any empathy for the trauma your body has just gone through and even though it's easier said than done you need to ignore their snippy ways at present. Of course you know even though you have ovaries you can still be hormonal. Many ladies with them often report them being all over the place until the shock of the surgery to their bodies settles.

Have any of these friends had a hysterectomy? Maybe printing off a set of the checkpoints might help them understand what your going through. Until they've walked in your shoes they'll never understand.

Take care...........Karen
Unread 12-02-2007, 01:57 PM
You are not alone...

Hello xoxo,

I sure can tell you that I think we all have a few of those kind of friends and relatives. It has really eye opening for me to experience this behavior too.

I know that pre-surgery, these folks just were never at a loss as to what to tell me to do. Then again, not one of the ladies endured a hysterectomy at all. I am the first in my circle of friends, and family members.

I am 27 days post op, and feel like blah. I have turned down so many offers to go out shopping, lunch, whatever. And some have been very kind and supportive. Others...well, you could say have been quite rude and obnoxious about my turning down their invitation.

My sister was quite rude regarding our family's Thanksgiving holiday. I was only about a week and a half post op, and she wanted me to cook and bake. I was stunned. I had no clue as to how to even respond to her. In the end, my husband and I had our very own Thanksgiving meal together. Some of our friends and our neighbors came by the house with their arms filled with everything from snack foods, to fully cooked meals. It was such a blessing.

I really do think in life that you learn who you can rely on and trust for help during trials like this. I know that both my husband and I sure learned alot about our family, friends, and neighbors. Folks who we never even thought of, would stop by to check on my husband (take him out to eat or bring a hot plate over for him to eat), check on me and bring me a variety of newspapers, and magazines to read. It was heartfelt, and good.

Now I am suffering from my incision that is still wide open in 4 different areas. It is infected and sore. I am waiting to find out if I am going to have a wound vaccume, salt water packing, or even another surgery to flush out the infection and start all over. So, after everything is said and done, it will be interesting to see who is still by my side and who has walked away.

Just be good to yourself. You are a treasure from God to us.

Blessings all around.
Unread 12-02-2007, 02:30 PM
Problems with friends

Yes I have met up with a few people like this too. Number 1 is my boss and she is female! She keeps giving me examples of ladies who recovered in a couple of weeks. I dread calling her tomorrow after my Dr appt to tell her when I will return if it is not this coming week.

My husband also wants me to join him in some outings and I just dont have the energy to be cheerful and fun. I am not depressed or angry but I am TIRED.

I also have encountered women who are scared to even talk to me. I think they think hysterectomies are contagious. (these are not my close friends whom I drove crazy before surgery)

I do probably need to be a little more social but I am just not ready. And my craft room and bed room are quite comforting.

Dont worry what people think. You are the one that has to do what "feels right" or you will face the consequences!

Unread 12-02-2007, 02:32 PM
Problems with friends

One thing to remember...although you retained your ovaries, you are going to experience hormonal swings for awhile. Your ovaries shut down after surgery and then "walk up" again. So, it is normal to have some mood swings and/or menopausal symptoms.

Your friends have not been in your situation and therefore, they simply do not know how you are feeling. Also, everyone bounces back at a different right or wrong to simply do what is right for you.

Remember, you have one chance to heal properly....take care of you.
Unread 12-02-2007, 02:40 PM
Problems with friends

I imagine your friends are about your age, and quite frankly, it sounds like they need to grow up a little bit. I know until you're around 30 you have the idea that you're completely invincible and bulletproof, and your friends' attitude reflects that they think you should be that way. Reality is, however, that surgery menas trauma to the body and it takes what it takes to heal it. It's not like you're in control of how fast your body heals, except in terms of making sure you get the rest and nutrition you need.

True friends should want the best for you and be willing to support you in whatever you need to do to heal. These friends don't sound like they're that type.
Unread 12-02-2007, 03:12 PM
Problems with friends

You definitely find out a lot about your friends during this time.

My closest friend (whose had a TAH) called me 3 hrs after surgery (WHAT? I can't even make a sentence), did she really expect me to visit with her? She told me how she'd like to send flowers but didn't know how to do that. I felt it was more of a "COVER YOUR *** " phone call (excuses, excuses). Her flowers never arrived, so I guess she wasn't too willing to learn either. My other friends all waited until I was ready to call them, they all sent flowers and have been truly supportive each and every day. I need to "re-evaluate" this friend thing. Maybe you should too.
Unread 12-02-2007, 03:56 PM
Problems with friends

I would have to agree with all of you. My friends are older then me in their mid-thirties, but everyday almost I seem to be attacked. Yesterday they called me a bad friend for missing a friends baby shower, because in their words all I had to do was go there and sit. All I want to do is heal, and I would never dream of treating my friends that way. I often feel like I am just too nice and now that I am sticking up for myself and trying to take care of me, "I am hormonal" in their words. I am so tired of getting walked all over and it is really immature. I was really hoping to have some support from my close friends but it has been those I am not that close to that seem to be kind and understanding. That has sort of thrown me for a loop. I really do need to re-evaluate my friends.

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