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Problems with friends Problems with friends

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  #11  
Unread 12-02-2007, 08:58 PM
Problems with friends

My dear xoxo,

I am 44 yo going on 45 yo. It is never easy to go through major surgery, and recover without support, love, and lots of naps. I know that I am so very tired after doing whatever. And those who don't have a clue about this sort of surgery, have no clue about the recovery.

Just remember who your friends are, and who has always stood by you. That is a true friend. And at 44 yo, I am doing a major inventory of my friends. This has been such an experience for both my husband and I. You are not alone. Not by a long shot.

Be the strong woman you are, and we all know you to be!

Blessings All Around!
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  #12  
Unread 12-02-2007, 10:07 PM
Problems with friends

This is one of the most disturbing posts I have read on this site. You have good friend or friends that will still be around 20 years later. Take care of your self. Seek out your good friends. The other ones that are immature and self centered? Don't let them drag you down. Jettison them now. You just had a TAH and are 28 years old. These people need to grow up, but it is not your job to make them do it. You can't change people, you can only change the way you react to them. Your good friend or friends have always been there. Somewhere,maybe in the background. Now, family we are stuck with!
  #13  
Unread 12-02-2007, 10:25 PM
Problems with friends

xoxo, yes, i have ran into the same problems, and here is a hug for you! I am so glad you posted this, because, here, today, I was actually believing that maybe I should be doing more. I had a friend today, who many years ago, had a TAH, and she told me I can do my own laundry now. I am not quite 2 weeks post op.

Thank you for posting this, because I think I may have made a big mistake tomorrow, and took on some things I shouldn't have. I still have a lot of cramping, and I did cook dinner for the first time yesterday and today and it literally EXHAUSTED me.

Hugs to you again.
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  #14  
Unread 12-02-2007, 10:40 PM
Problems with friends

One suggestion that has just come to me. Perhaps invite one of the most "leader-type" of your friends over to your place. Then sit down with her and surf this website for about 15 minutes (do a bit of research ahead of time, so you know where you want to read). Oftentimes people, myself included, seem rude simply because they are uninformed. Once one of the leaders in your group of friends understands (and I'll pray she does!), she'll spread the word to others and hopefully they will ease up, too.
And just remember, their behavior is no reflection on you, and is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is yor reaction to their behavior, and it sounds like you are trying to be loving and forgiving towards them - good work!
I'll be praying.
Lori
  #15  
Unread 12-03-2007, 07:50 AM
Problems with friends

This just happened last night. We went to a small gathering with some friends of ours last night. A friend of mine that I had not heard from since my surgery was there. It was very pleasant UNTIL... we went to the ladies room. Once there she proceeded to tell me I was milking this hysterectomy thing. After her c-sections (30 years ago) she was up and about taking care of babies and doing house chores. And she had the incision and staples too.

I was stunned! And my feelings are quite hurt. I am glad I have a Dr appt today because I am having a very long discussion about recovery. I am tired of feeling guilty for having a 7 inch incision and discomfort.
  #16  
Unread 12-03-2007, 08:54 AM
Problems with friends

CL, I would not have been able to resist a snarky comment like, "Well, back then, they were using leeches too, weren't they?"

Seriously, whose business is it how your insides heal? It's not a contest for cryin' out loud!
  #17  
Unread 12-03-2007, 10:33 AM
Problems with friends

  Quote:
Originally Posted by ComfortableLady
This just happened last night. We went to a small gathering with some friends of ours last night. A friend of mine that I had not heard from since my surgery was there. It was very pleasant UNTIL... we went to the ladies room. Once there she proceeded to tell me I was milking this hysterectomy thing. After her c-sections (30 years ago) she was up and about taking care of babies and doing house chores. And she had the incision and staples too.

I was stunned! And my feelings are quite hurt. I am glad I have a Dr appt today because I am having a very long discussion about recovery. I am tired of feeling guilty for having a 7 inch incision and discomfort.
I am so sorry you had to hear a comment like that. It is completely uncalled for in any situation. I have also had that comment from my "friends" trying to compare my TAH to a c-section. I have had two c-sections with a vertical incision and staples with one and I can tell you in my case it is ten times harder for me to recover from then my c-sections. I don't know how people compare a c-section to a hysterectomy. It's a completely different. Yes, there are some things that are similar but there are similar things between many surgeries. All of a sudden some people have a Doctrine degree in Medicine.
  #18  
Unread 12-03-2007, 12:28 PM
Problems with friends

ok, last night my cramping got really bad. This morning I awoke to severe cramping and bleeding. I called my dr and talked to his nurse. She said the bleeding was still normal, and some cramping, but not this level. She said I was over doing it, to get off my feet and take it easy. I told her what my friend had said, and she said first, everyone's bodies heal differently, and that I need to listen to my BODY, not anyone else. She also said people's pain tolerances are different, and totally reassured me. She also reminded me it hasn't even been a full 2 weeks yet. So I hope this helps all of us, and our "friends" are just going to have to get over it. They are not the ones who's insides were just turned upside down!!!
  #19  
Unread 12-03-2007, 01:32 PM
Problems with friends

xoxo, I know exactly what you mean! Most of my friends have been wonderful, it's my mom who is the problem. Don't get me wrong, she's brought food and stuff like that. But I keep getting comments about how her two sisters had their surgeries upteen years ago and they didn't take anywhere near this long to recover. I just remind her what the dr. said and what this website says, but it is extremely frustrating. Also, she has never had a major surgery. One lumpectomy and a broken ankle. Sorry but that is not the same thing. It wouldn't be so bad but we talk every day, and I think she reminds me at least every other day.

Roseptl, I am so sorry to hear about your incision. That is terrible. Please let us know what your doctor decides to do to help you. I will be praying for you.

mollymolly, Doing laundry and cooking at two weeks! I am still only helping my wonderful boys sort the laundry and they are doing the rest. I helped supervise them cooking spaghetti last Wed. and it wore me out. Had to sit in a chair, take a pain pill and wait for the pain to lessen before I could make my way back to the couch. I am so glad that your doctor told you what they did. I just went for my four week checkup today. Dr. said that I am healing beautifully, but am still restricted as far as activity for at least two, if not four, more weeks. I finally went back to church yesterday morning. I only made the morning service, not the evening, and I came home with a backache so bad that I had to take one of my leftover pain pills and just lay around on the couch for the rest of the day.

We ladies need to remember to listen to our bodies and the people who actually know what they are talking about (our doctors and hystersisters) and block everyone else out. Stress is not helpful during the recovery process.

Wishing all of you a better day tomorrow than today!
  #20  
Unread 12-03-2007, 06:04 PM
Problems with friends

I'm having sort of the opposite problem. None of my friends have come to visit me! The only reason I've seen a friend is she's my taxi to the doctor. Other than than that...no one. I don't know if it's the time of year and everyone is busy or if they are afraid I'm too worn out to have people come over. I'm two weeks post-op and starting to get BORED. Also, my feelings are a bit hurt because last year, almost to the day, when my DH was in the hospital for diverticulitis, so many of our friends came to visit him. I feel a little neglected.
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