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Problems with friends Problems with friends

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Unread 12-04-2007, 06:16 PM
Problems with friends

Hi Ladies,
I am not having trouble with my friends but my mother is being a real pain. She says I have changed since my surgery, the only thing that has changed is I am taking care of myself first and my parents second. My mother can not deal with it and she is driving me nuts trying to make me feel guilty for taking care of myself. My PCP told me I need to worry about me right now and not my parents, luckily my husband is here for me but it does not mke this any easier.

Thanks for listening i needed to vent.
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Unread 12-04-2007, 06:24 PM
Problems with friends

You know the rule, right? Every daughter gets one (a mother). My sisters and I joke that our mom - who we love dearly - cannot be the "Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come," or we'll shoot each other.

My guess is that your mom's very used to you taking care of her and that your surgery has upset that balance, causing her to think of her own security vs. being concerned over you. I had the opposite issue, by the way, my mom thought she was "helping me." What she was doing was "smothering me" and we really had words over it. (She's still doing it by the way. I'm a 38-year-old CEO and didn't need any post-op help as I had it all already arranged and she likes to tell me to this day what I can't do post-operatively. Funny how others trust me to run a company, huh? - Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your vent, but I got a little fired up there.)

Don't feel bad about getting mad at your mom. In fact, vent all you want here - it's a safe place. Your doc's right - you need to focus on you. Eventually, your mom will also re-establish her own place and she'll get right. Anyway, if our mothers didn't drive us crazy, what could we threaten our daughters (or in my case, nieces) with?

Good luck.
Unread 12-04-2007, 06:34 PM
Problems with friends


I guess misery loves company because although I am not a CEO I have a very responsible job at a very large global corporation and my other thinks she needsd to tell me what to do at age 51.

I think you hit it on the head she is worried about her security but tell you the truth she has nothing to worry about because my poor husband and step daughter (who is married with 4 1/2 year old twins) have not missed a beat with helping my oparents or taking them anywhere they need to go. We converted my house to a mother daughter home 2 years ago and they have not had to worry about anything since, they still don't need to worry but I guess I will never change her mind. I hope i remember this and never do this to my step daughter or granddaughter as I get older. I know it sounds odd but my step duaghter lives 4 house away from me and we are very close, more like friends then step mother/daughter.
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Unread 12-04-2007, 07:13 PM
Problems with friends

It sounds like you have a great support system in your family and how wonderful that you and your husband were able to blend your family so well.

Somehow, I think those of us that have turned into the caregivers for our parents - which it sounds like you are - become the ones they tell what to do and drive crazy.

Good luck with radiation therapy and your recovery. That's the biggest key now. Keep me posted.

Unread 12-04-2007, 07:55 PM
Problems with friends

I'm sorry you don't have the support. I'm 6 months post op and I still don't feel good. Sympathy is gone. My hormones have just depleted and I need to decide a course of action. Unfortunately, people feel that after surgery, you should get well in just a few weeks and move on with your life. It is not that simple.
Unread 12-04-2007, 09:31 PM
Problems with friends

glad it's over,
very wise and good advice.
thank you.
Unread 12-05-2007, 07:29 AM
Problems with friends

Originally Posted by honk4goosey
glad it's over,
very wise and good advice.
thank you.
But it isn't over. I still have much to do, decide on an HRT. Get past feeling so crummy, etc.
Unread 12-05-2007, 08:43 AM
Problems with friends

i was referring to the name/person "Glad Its Over".
sorry if you misunderstood. i know it's not over.
Unread 12-05-2007, 12:30 PM
Problems with friends

Dear XOXO and ladies,
It's it amazing that you can truly tell who your friends are when you have been through a rough time and feeling vunerable? I'm 8 days into recovery and I have told numerous people that one of the reasons I turn down social invitations is because catching a cold or cough right down would slow down my healing and set me back. I'm in the process of planning my parent's 50th wedding anniversary (in six weeks!) and most of my energy goes to resting and planning their party. You are so young to have gone through this surgery, which I know is hard. Someone else said that you only have one chance to heal properly, which I think is excellent advice. You are not being selfish if you treat yourself like the princess you are--remember to take care of you.

Blessings and best wishes,
Unread 12-05-2007, 02:36 PM
Problems with friends

Hello all, wow, people.. they can be so rude ! I was reading posts on a thread called ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Interesting rude stuff there too!
Hang in there, we know our bodies, we will do what we can when we can... you are doing the right thing!! HAPPY HEALING!!

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