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Problems with friends Problems with friends

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Unread 12-20-2007, 08:33 PM
Problems with friends

Thanks Lotte M for your support and for letting me vent. You could be right and maybe she is feeling left out.
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Unread 12-21-2007, 06:37 PM
Problems with friends

I wonder if some of these nasty behaviors I'm reading about in these posts could be due to guilt. When people have done something they know is morally wrong, but don't have the courage or integrity to admit it, the first thing they want to do is go on the defensive and blame the person who reminds them of their wrongs instead of facing up to their own bad behavior. Perhaps these mean-spirited women feel guilty for not being there emotionally for all of you so they want to take their anger at their own errors out on you. Shooting the messenger is so much easier than admitting guilt and trying to fix themselves. Don't put stock in what they say. You haven't done anything wrong. The failures are with them; if you hadn't touched a nerve about those failures they wouldn't be so upset.
Unread 12-21-2007, 06:48 PM
Problems with friends

I agree with you Celtic Tigeress -guilt a a factor of mean spirted people.
I went through it pre op and it really opened to my eyes to see who was truly my "friends" unfortunately I expereinced the same thing with female relatives. My mom passed away 3 years ago , and I was pleasantly surprised who support me pre and post op. People I would never think of treat me well. I learned first we have to be own best friend and refuse to put up with nastiness and also be open to those who are willing to be supportive. Today is 4 weeks post op and I grew emotionally and physically.
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Unread 12-21-2007, 06:53 PM
Problems with friends


I think, sometimes, it is not so much guilt, but rather envy.

Not that they are envious of surgery (well, some people could be) but rather the perceived attention that the person having surgery is getting...the time off work...etc.

They simply see that a person will be off work (must be a vacation), not that the person will be recovering.

I used to have this issue when I was in the insurance business. I traveled a lot, every weekend, for business. It meant that I did not work, in the office, on Friday. I was on a plane on Friday morning and another coming home on Sunday...then back in the office Monday through Thursday.

Well, since I was A) not their on Fridays and B) on a plane....I MUST be on vacation, as the others in the office only got on planes for vacation. I had to actually explain to my boss:

If you think getting up at 3AM to get on a 5:30 AM flight to get to my destination at 11AM and into meetings by then get to my room around midnight only to get up at 6AM on Saturday to sit in all day meetings, getting back to my room around midnight only to fly home the next day, getting home at 7:30 PM to turn around and come back in here the next day (Monday) fun, I'll trade you places! LOL!

It was hilarious as I could actually see her get physically tired as I went on my tirade. LOL!
Unread 12-21-2007, 08:25 PM
Problems with friends

I don't really have any issue with any of my friends but with my younger sister. We are 14mths apart. I am 27yrs. old and she is 26. She is pregnant with her first child. Where I have been dealing with endo, and chronic pain. I just had my surgery on the 11th. and she did not come and see me. nor called to see if I was ok. The other day I just could not stop crying. My older sis called to see how I was. I guess later My lil sis called to talk to her and had told her that I was upset and not doing well. Lil sis called me and was like why are you crying? I was like Well, let see I just had major surgery and my hormones are all out of whack. She just does not seem to get how upsetting all of this. I just found out today at my 1st post op (2wk chk up)in my pathology report that they found small fibroids too. All of this is too much for me to deal with. any advice would be great. am I over reacting?
Unread 12-21-2007, 10:18 PM
Problems with friends

I had a lap hyster 10/18/07, my ovaries intact, hemorrhaged on the OR table, and then two surgical wounds opened and became infected. I'm still tired. I'm back to work, sedentary office work and exhausted at the end of the day. I'm exhausted, sore, achey, but not depressed or "faking it". I do NOT pay attention to others, unless they had a hyster. The fellow hyster women, understand totally and reassure me that I'm no different than they were in a slow recovery. I focus on Springtime as my goal to be stronger and recovered. I'm 47 yo, single with three children. It's hard! I had a boyfriend, til he saw me two weeks post-op, and he packed up all his things without me aware of it and disappeared. That was the end of any communication. Upon my return to work, my boss, also a R.N., scheduled me for a 12 day work stretch with no days off and raised all kinds of chaos when I requested a day off. Even went so far as to say, "you act like you don't like your job". I'm a R.N., but still was astounded how people react to a hysterectomy. Who would have anticipated women being so hateful to each other? A boyfriend who wanted to marry me disappearing? I've been ostracized also. Hysterectomy gets the same response as rape. I'm the same person, just slower, require more sleep, need help with routine life, but it is all temporary, so I don't dwell on it. Yes, as other women commented, you find out your true friends when sick and require empathy and some assistance. I also found out that the devoted boyfriend, who I took care of when he had surgery 5/07, was definitely not worthy of my time. This has been another life lesson in more things than surgery and recovery.
Unread 12-22-2007, 05:34 AM
Problems with friends

Iam sorry about what you are going through at work and your boyfriend leaving. I expereinced the same thing about women being so nasty and cruel about hysterectomy. Iam single never had children . We are definitely learning life lessons, believe me my life changed pre and post op. I noticed with every loss there is always a gain. We are all wonderful, brave and beautiful women it is their loss(those who treat us poorly) not our loss.
It is great hystersisters exist. Have a Happy Holidays.

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