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Scared to death Scared to death

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Unread 07-16-2001, 06:39 AM
Scared to death

Hi everyone! I'm very new here and if you would have asked me last week about my surgery I would have said, I'm okay. But now that it's less than two weeks away, I'm starting to really freak out about it. I'm having moments where I just want to call off the whole thing.

I'm sure these feeling are normal, but this last few weeks have been difficult for me and this weekend I went to see my sister's brand new baby and also this weekend my cousin (41 years old) passed away. So on top of my surgery, I'm dealing with some other major issues.

I'm worried about the nausea and the pain and the incision and having to depend on other people to take care of me. I worry that at the last minute I'm going to start screaming, "No, don't take it, I still want to have children!!!" I'm worried that I'll regret for the rest of my life that I never had my own children. I'm 36 years old and while I know I have to have this to feel better and get on with my life, I feel like I'm a failure because I'm a woman with no children.

Can anyone help me or should I just lock myself up somewhere???

Probable adenomyosis
TAH 7/27/01 (If I don't go bonkers first)
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Unread 07-16-2001, 06:50 AM
Scared to death

Hugs to you Pattie , this is a very stressful thing to go through without the added stresses you have been experiencing. Most of us go through this to some degree.

The pain will be controlled with drugs, just ask ( or demand) them. The nausea can also be controlled , so make sure that you discuss this with your anaethetist and that the nurses are aware of it also. As for depending on others to look after you... well when you come home you will be happy for them to do that , enjoy it.
Please dont lock yourself up we are here to support you as much as we can. There are quite a few girls here who understand what you are going through regarding the children. Go and visit the Aching Hearts forum , you will find alot of support there. Take care and remember that we are here for you x x
Unread 07-16-2001, 09:12 AM
im with ya on that one!!

Im am in total panic mode.Waiting for the damm results from my biopsy.Have no idea what im up against.....They made me a bit nervous because my tumor has nercrotic tissue which i guess means dying tissue..ewwww and this fibroid is 8cm which is a biggin.Im a wreck thinking about it.Lots of different emotions flying first i cry then i say to myself stay strong think postive but.....thats easier said then done.Im happy to hear your ok with the hyst. i too just had a cousin die at 41 from a heart attack..weird huh??Things are almost a blurrrrr right now but im just anxious to move on ya of luck now when is your surg again?? Ill be thinking of you!! love patty
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Unread 07-16-2001, 09:27 AM
Scared to death

I am almost 6 weeks post op from my June 6 hyster for adeno and 2 fibroids. At 45 I never had children either. I devoted myself to teaching 100 middle schoolers reading and writing. I travel with my wonderful DH, have a beautiful home and friends, and have tons of hobbies. Sure, I have had very brief moments of no children blues, then I counted my blessings. You will be fine also. My heart murmur prevented me, but I forged on. As for the nausea, ask for stuff in your pain shots to stop it. I never had it, and I am prone. Nurses and doc made sure of it. Just ask and bug them. Finally, on the day of surgery a calmness will come over you. All my friends said the same thing. So keep busy, clean your house, buy your special recovery treats, and just let people take care of you. People will come out of the wood work to care for you, just ask. Take care!
Unread 07-16-2001, 09:37 AM
Thank you

Thank you both so much! I'm feeling a little better, but I still feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride. Up and down with the emotions. I really thought I was doing well and pretty relaxed about it until I came unglued today. I was just talking to my husband and he agrees that I should just keep working on my planning, shopping for food and cleaning, to keep my mind off other things. Hopefully that will help me because I'm expecting the waiting for me is going to be the worst part. And the closer I get, I think the worse it may get.

Thanks again!!!
Unread 07-16-2001, 10:02 AM
Scared to death

Hi Pattie:
I know exactly how you're feeling. I'm usually a pretty strong person but this year has thrown me for a loop. In the past year I have lost my mother-in-law, my grandmother, and my father. Now I'm looking at TAH in a little over two weeks. What a way to round out a year!
I've had three children and no desire to have any more as the last one enters the far side of adolescence. However, my sister did not have any children and put all her "motherly" interests into being a wonderful aunt to all the nieces and nephews. When they were young she would take a couple of them for the weekend and go the zoo, or the museums, etc. The kids would get some real spoiling time from Aunt Kathie and time with their cousins as well. On their birthdays she would take them shopping and to lunch. She is a teacher and didn't want to contribute to their never ending supply of toys so they'd buy clothes, books, etc. My kids still remember these trips very fondly. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, try not to be disapponted about not having your own children and put your effort in being the best darn aunt around!
Good luck on your surgery and I'll be thinking of you. You have every right to be nervous but I've gained a great deal of strength from reading some of the recovery postings on this site!
Unread 07-17-2001, 12:41 AM

The nerves and roller coaster emotions are pretty normal for this stage. I was a bundle of tears for the month I waited before surgery. Its a scarey time, so be gentle with yourself.

I was never able to have bio-kidlets, either. I struggled with infertility for many years. I have a dear friend who grabbed me and hauled me off to her house even when I wanted to hide. She held me close to her family and shared her children with me.

Today I am still very close to those kiddies, now 18, 14 and 13, and have rarely missed a baseball game or dance recital. They come to me for an understanding ear and maybe to plead their case first before starting on mom and dad.

I am now remarried to a wonderful man and have three great step kiddies, all grown up now. The two boys lived with us off and on for 15 yrs and have been a real joy to me.

We are not failures because we do not have bio-kidlets. Thats just the way life worked out. I have collected many children of my heart and I love them dearly. That I didn`t bring them into the world does not matter to me for I brought them into my heart.

Morris has a very good the best Auntie and friend that you can be and just love them with all your heart.

Wishing you peace.


Unread 07-17-2001, 08:37 AM
Scared to death

Hi Patty,

Remember, the good thing about roller coasters is that they do come to a stop. Don't waste your energy on worry, because in the end, it will all work out.

I am a very strong and independant person too. The thoughts of allowing someone else to do for me was very difficult. I had to remember that it was OK to ask for help and to ALLOW others to be there for me. It didn't make me any less of a person.

My surgery was on 7/6 and I am so grateful that I had my wonderful friends to help me out because I needed it. Today it's better. Each day will get better and easier, I have to remind myself of that.

Just hold on. Keep in touch with us and it'll be over before you know it. You'll be coming back on the site to help someone else who is also scared to death.

My prayers are with you.

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