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Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007 Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

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Unread 03-28-2008, 08:46 AM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

Interesting to see ever more connections among us sisters...I, too have a brother who is bipolar...he self-medicated for years before he got into enough trouble to warrant jail and 72 hour hold in a psychiatric facility...then it was 10 years of up and down, off and on meds, etc. He is stable now, living with my mother and taking care of her...what really brought him around was cognitive therapy with the meds...he talks again, smiles, jokes...I have to admit that he was a lot of fun when he was manic, though!! Just didn't know at that time that's what it was.
Both of his daughters have been diagnosed also...as teenagers...they are doing so much better...when we know more, we do better it seems.
My grandfather and mother both suffered with bouts of depression and I guess maybe I have inherited some of that too...it's so hard to sort out what is "normal" feelings...what is hormonal...what is depression. My marital situation continues to decline and it's very difficult to have hope or keep my chin up.
My trip to Juarez Mexico was amazing...it was good to build a home for a family that was living in pallets and cardboard...great to be in community with my church family...my 13 yr old ds did great...but I dreaded coming back home...that's pretty sad, that I'd rather stay in an impoverished city, with literally no running water, flushing toilets, scarey electricity, than come home and face the silence...I was flying high over Easter, but know the reality is back and I know that something has to change...life is too precious to live this way, but I can't figure out how to be a good enough wife (or have any desire to be) to make things better...I guess crying and sadness are normal for a broken heart...longsuffering stinks!!!!
so glad you all are here for me to vent...

PS You can find this board under "date clubs" on the post hysterectomy forum page.
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Unread 03-28-2008, 10:06 PM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

Maybe there is no way to be a good enough wife because maybe the problem isn't you.

I'm so sorry your marriage is in crisis. I can only imagine the heartache. However, just because he's determined to be miserable, doesn't mean you have to be too. You deserve to be happy. I hope you will be!
Unread 03-28-2008, 11:43 PM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

Bethany, you sound much better, I'm so glad! It sounds like a lot of us have struggles with depression. Funny little bugger, can bite you in the butt when you're not looking.

I was reminded the last few days what an immense blessing you all have been to me in the last 3 months. With a new diagnosis, my first thought was well, I have to go online and find support like HysterSisters.. guess what? There aren't sisters for everything - go figure! I found myself feeling so lonely, scared, and discouraged. The same things I felt before I found you all in December. My DH doesn't want to talk about it, if he doesn't, it will go away. My kids are too young to grapple with it with me, and my mom is gone. I don't really have other family to speak of. It occured to me what a gift you all have been, that we have all been to each other, and I will be grateful for that every day, especially realizing that it doesn't come with every illness that you have such wonderful support from people who are going through what you are. For this, again, THANK YOU ALL! You've taught me so much about so much more than hysterectomy survival!

Annie - can we drink frilly drinks with umbrellas in them for our reunion?!

Hugs to all,
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Unread 03-29-2008, 08:03 AM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

mollie, am glad you found some happiness for at least a while. sometimes getting away from it all puts it all in perspective so we can deal with it... but i agree with housemd. its probably not about you...

i think getting away would help my situtaion with ds. we both need some space, but on the other hand i need to be here to make sure he's ok - its a hard balance. thats my goal for the week to give him some space. he hasnt said he wont go to the dr. on thursday...so thats the plan for now- a 2nd opinion. and Ds doesnt have any of these Manic experiences or any behavior problems, many of mention your bipolar relatives have... he has highs and lows but to be honest, my dh and I are very energetic people and are on the go 90% of the day. this is much of the reason the diagnoses seems off to us, it all seems normal. for now dh and I decided to try giving him some of my xanax, (i had left from hyst) just at night to see if it takes the edge off, so far its helping some. I know its adictive as i took it for like seven years before switching to buspar, but a friend whose a pharm. tech assures me he'll be fine for a week. He did get one letter back from the local university, its not top of his list but he got into the music dept. whohoo. still waiting on the one he wants- finacial aid letter came though from that one- $19,000 a year...yikes.

Kwinner back at you...i dont have any "real" sisters, and with all thats going on with my dad- and my brother who has ms ended up in hospital last night- unsure of for what- my mom is just too overloaded to think about anything. you sisters have been a life line...and are we meeting for drinks? count me in. lol.

annie, hey, I got confirmation for tickets for concert for sunday- and looking forward to hearing your ds.
Unread 03-29-2008, 11:14 AM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

F&R - I think you're wise to do the things you're doing for your ds. It's so scary when it's your kid, but you know him best, if the diagnosis feels off, it very well could be. Sometimes we discount our intuition to quickly. How is your dad doing?

Mollie - just my 2 cents, but what the others have said is probably true, especially since it is causing you such pain. It takes 2 to make a marraige, and it takes 2 to fix it when there are problems. You can't make it right alone, and sweetie, stop thinking you have to be better for him - you are good enough and you deserve to be happy. He needs to be better for you too, and if he's not willing, you can choose to be miserable and constantly try to fix things you can't, resign yourself to a life of misery, or you do what you need to do for yourself be the best Mollie you can be and pray he comes around to see he needs to be the best man he can be too - not just for each other, but for yourselves too. I'll be praying for you.
Unread 03-29-2008, 05:15 PM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

my dad is healing pretty well, he meets with his cancer dr. next week to find out what scans he needs... then we will know more. I think the worst part right now for both of them is not knowing if there is more to contend with in the future.

By the way,kwinner, your advice to Mollie is right on. we can only keep ourselves mentally and physically OK- the rest of them have to want to at least try to meet us half way.
Unread 03-29-2008, 05:45 PM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

I am a product of divorce, actually of an affair, then a divorce and all 5 of my brothers have been divorced atleast once...my pride doesn't allow me to quit easily...my mother walked away when I was 11 and I swore I would provide an intact home for my children...I wrestle with the vow I made...for better or worse...with God in the center...etc.
I have reached the point that I think staying together is worse for our sons...but I work in a church...and I have grown in my faith and want my marriage to work, I'm embarrassed and resentful...sad and desperate to be hopeful...I don't know what the next few days will hold, but hopefully I can become more myself and my children won't be too damaged because of our failures...it's them more than me that I mourn and grieve for...
Unread 03-29-2008, 05:56 PM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

kwinner: what is your new diagnosis...I guess I missed something...
Unread 03-29-2008, 06:01 PM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

I could say a lot of different things. You probably already say them yourself and/or hear them from your friends IRL. So, instead, I'm just going to send you and your sons hugs. Wish they could be real....

{{{{{{Mollie and sons}}}}}}
Unread 03-29-2008, 06:11 PM
Hysterectomy dates Dec 17-Dec 24,2007

M - You haven't failed Mollie, and God can only be the center of a marraige if BOTH put Him there. You weren't standing at the alter alone taking vows. You also know God does not intend you to be a doormat. You know that sometimes growing in our faith means knowing when to let go, and when to hold on for dear life. Is your husband a believer? If the marraige is meant to be in God's eyes, it will be, in time, but it doesn't mean God intends you to be abused, even emotionally, to the point you think you're not good enough. It's normal to grieve the death of anything, a marraige is a precious thing, but you also don't want your kids seeing whatever they do as normal if it's not healthy, because we choose what we know. The best thing you can do for them is to be the healthiest, happiest, strongest, wonderful you that you can be! If that means counseling get it. As long as you're okay, your kids will be okay too.

I grew up with an abuser (I use the term generally because there are many types of abuse) that made me feel, and still would if I let him, like I'm worthless. It's caused me more grief than if I had been raised without him. I've watched too many friends die inside because they're turning themselves inside out to be what they were never meant to be. Don't let that happen to you Mollie, we're praying for you!

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