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I am so disheartened... I am so disheartened...

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Unread 12-20-2007, 05:41 PM
I am so disheartened...

I feel that I have done everything just right...even things the doctor/nurses didn't tell me about but that I learned here. My BM's have been easier than almost ever in my life, since my surgery I have felt GREAT! Well, I guess I noticed this yesterday, and have dwelled on it ever since...

I have what feels to be a "tampon stuck" feeling in my vagina. I have not lifted, strained, nothing! I had LAVH/BSO on 12/7. Other than the soreness inside, I have felt almost as though I haven't had surgery. I am so upset right now to think I have done something to make things worse. I was miserable before my surgery and really wanted it done (was still a bit nervous about it). I went Monday for 1 week follow up. I told the doctor, other than the soreness inside, I feel perfect.

I know I need to call him tomorrow (most likely out as he does surgeries on Fridays. His staff has proved not to be the most helpful either.)

I have not even had any emotional days, until today. My son went to the store earlier today and used my credit card. When he returned, he put my card back and put my wallet on the table. Something I never do. He took me to the store a while ago and when I get to the check out, I have no wallet. No check book. No cash. I felt so stupid standing there telling the cashier I would have to come back. My son is waiting for me outside and I hollered at him. I felt so bad. He has been nothing but good and oh so helpful since my surgery. I am crying now thinking that I must have really hurt his feelings. I know he felt bad. It wasn't intentional.

Anyway, thanks for reading (if you still are). I feel so stupid right now. Have I done something? How can he fix it if I did? I can't go through another surgery ( I had one in Oct. that actually made my problems worse). I feel like screaming. I know none of it will do any good. Will I go crazy by next week if I have to wait until after Christmas to speak with the doctor????? I don't really hurt. It's mostly uncomfortable. I do have a new pain in my back, lower right side. No fever. No other symptoms. Nothing even hurts inside. I actually asked him on Monday what held my vagina in? Can it just fall out? Thank God he didn't laugh at me, but he did explain the procedure he used to 'secure' it. Oh, the discomfort does go away when I walk around, or maybe I don't feel it as much as when sitting. I have done Kegels like crazy since my surgery. Could that be it?

Oh my stars...I sound like a woman gone mad. Thank you so much for reading.
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Unread 12-20-2007, 06:06 PM
I am so disheartened...

Take a deep breath, Sweetie. You are having a normal panic reaction to something that has happened to your body that you don't understand. I think calling your doctor is the first step. If you don't get satisfaction there, or still want a second medical opinion, go to your PCP or some walk-in clinic. You need to find out what this is; do not, however, start imagining all sorts of terrible things like another surgery! You will get yourself into a state that will not do your mind or your body any good, and that will make you feel even worse than you already do. It could very well be a common post-surgery reaction that will require nothing but time to go away.

I had a great recovery but any time something new or unexpected occurred, no matter how small it was, I started thinking that something had gone terribly wrong and that I would be having yet more health issues. By the time we have our surgery we're all so tired of doctors, tests, diagnoses, problems, etc., that a hangnail can seem catastrophic. It's perfectly logical that this problem would loom large for you because you have had a major health issue, but until you find out what's going on you need to try and think of it as nothing more than a question that needs an answer, just like what to have for dinner tomorrow or what to get cranky Aunt Sally for Christmas. I'm not trying to minimize your concern at all; it really is a question just like any other. You can try to get an answer by talking to your doctor tomorrow and take other steps from there if necessary.

Your son sounds like a sweet kid, and sweet kids understand that moms have bad days. Just go tell him what's going on and why you blew up at him, apologize, and ask him if he'd like to watch a video with you or play a game (his choice). It's been my experience that kids appreciate honesty and are a lot more forgiving than adults. They're not at the stage to be cynical yet.

Please let us know what you find out about your discomfort, and here's a hug from someone who's been there.
Unread 12-20-2007, 06:14 PM
I am so disheartened...

Thank you so much CT. I truly appreciate the time you took to read and respond to my post. After I re-read it, I realize I do sound totally crazy! :-) I will call the doctor in the morning and ask the question. I wanted my surgery to go so well, my recovery flawless so I could get back to that thing called living again! I have put off some things as I just didn't feel up to them. I WANT to be able to do those things. I guess I thought as I wanted it to be so perfect, and it seemed to be that way, that it would be! No hrt, no crazy sweating, no extreme mood swings (until today!) ...nada. Almost perfect...

I'm sure it is some crazy kind of swelling thing going on and it will resolve itself, without intervention. Who knows. I will let you know the result of the phone call.

Again, thank you so much! Your words mean more than you can know.
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Unread 12-20-2007, 06:29 PM
I am so disheartened...

I couldn't have said it any better than celtic tigeress. Not to be repetitive, but try to relax and calm down. Call your doctor tomorrow and as celtic said if you don't get an answer go to an urgent care. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong at all, so don't be so hard on yourself.

If you apologize to your son I'm sure he will be fine, rather than if you don't say anything about it. Kid's are resilent and he sounds like a good kid.

In the beginning of my recovery, I too worried about every little thing I did and every little pain I felt. For me, that was the most stressful thing, worrying if I had hurt myself. In the beginning of my 6th week I tripped outside and fell face forward on my tummy. Thankfully everything was o.k.

I'll look forward to hearing what you've found out tomorrow.

Unread 12-20-2007, 08:08 PM
I am so disheartened...

Going into week 3, the dissolving stitches start to dissolve, and leave through the only hallway available!

You might be feeling a bit of that.

Good luck with your call to your doc...you'll feel better afterwards!
Unread 12-20-2007, 08:14 PM
I am so disheartened...

Oh my stars! I feel so blessed to be able to rant about this here. I realize now that I was totally overreacting. Thank you so much for your care and compassion...and not saying I sound crazy, even if you were thinking it! :-)

I was just reading another thread about similar symptoms. I know I am not alone and most likely, this is normal for me.

I will post again after speaking to the doctors office. Thank you again, all of you!!!!
Unread 12-20-2007, 08:18 PM
I am so disheartened...

Oops...forgot to mention. I did apologize to my son. He said he understands and just wants me to heal and feel better. He agreed that I overreacted but assured me he loves me no less than before. He is an amazing 16 yr. old.

How did I get so lucky to have him and to have all of you! I must be doing something right....
Unread 12-20-2007, 08:29 PM
I am so disheartened...

Your son sounds so sweet. I told my two girls tonight that I felt tired, and they both have been helping me and waiting on me.
I hope you get to speak to your dr. tomorrow, and I pray it's just some healing going on.
I am almost to week 4, and have done a little too much shopping this week, and am now feeling it. Maybe we just need to slow down a little, which is hard for women to do.....
Unread 12-20-2007, 08:52 PM
I am so disheartened...

Ybsad, I'm so glad that you're starting to feel better about the symptom you were having. I understand what you mean about doing everything right, just as the doctor said, and then something doesn't feel right... and it's so frustrating. If you're following directions, you want everything to feel just the way it's supposed to.

I have a 16 year old son, too... and yep, every now and then, I got frustrated and lose my cool with him. He's very understanding because he knows that I've been going through a lot. Sounds like your son is great like that, too.

You have my thoughts and prayers!
Unread 12-20-2007, 09:39 PM
I am so disheartened...

I explained that feeling in the exact way to my doctor at my six week check up. I told her the only way to discribe the discomfort inside was it felt like I had a tampon stuck up in there or a wad tissue or something that needs to come out. When I read your thread, I couldn't believe you explained it the same way. It is so annoying to sit to long with that feeling. The doctor was not sure what it was because she did not see or feel anything crazy inside. The one thing she did find was that I had a bacterial vaginal infection. She said maybe that was causing the feeling. I was skeptical but after a few days of taking the new antibiotic she perscribed, the "tampon feeling" has almost completely gone away. I am still taking the antibiotic but I already feel a huge difference. Maybe it was the infection I was glad it was not the vaginal cuff, that is what I assumed it was. Maybe you could have an infection too??? Just a thought I am curious to hear what your doctor says.

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