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Feel like a wimp Feel like a wimp

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Unread 01-05-2008, 01:27 AM
Feel like a wimp

I dont mean to bash my husband as he has done all the work around the house and with the kids but I need to vent and some feedback. I think I am doing pretty good in my recovery. But my husband made a few comments to me today and over the last few days that have really hurt and make me second guess myself. Today is 3 weeks for me and I am still pretty raw feeling. If I take Tylenol ones I get pretty good relief but after 2 days of no percocet I was just so uncomfortable last night that I asked my hubby to hand me a perc. He said that he thought I was getting addicted to them maybe and that I have a low pain threshold. This really hurt as I am trying not to whine, to be strong and I hate being so restricted. I have even started to work from home a bit to help with that. I love my job and miss it.
Anyways, I was so worried about this addicted comment and made an appt with my doc tonight. He reasurred me that if I was going to be addicted to them it would not be one or 2 every couple days or even a day and that it was reasonable with the amount of work I had done to need them. I find myself insulted about the pain comment and second guessing if I should even take the pain med even though my doc said that though as I feel like I am letting him down. My doc said I may need them for a month or more on and off. Is this true? Am I a wimp, should I be off the meds by now? Should I be walking and doing more? Tonight we were out for dinner and he made a comment about me walking from the restaurant to the doctors appt, and he laughed as well as everyone at the table. I was so hurt I still want to cry. Everyone just laughed and I felt like such a failure. I know I could force myself to do more, but I honestly feel the stiches poke me inside. The doctor tonight told me I had over 180 internal stiches and it was a mess inside me. My doc also joked that he would tell DH to have a vesectomy and I could flick him in the nuts eery five mintes and then talk to him about pain threshold...LOL, this is my family doctor and had been for 10 years so he knows us all. I am sorry this is so long, I guess I am looking for some fellow answers as where I should be at this point....
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Unread 01-05-2008, 01:49 AM
Feel like a wimp

(((Jaiyce))) You are NOT a whimp! I am sorry you are not in a more supportive environment. You need to take time to rest and who cares what others think! Dont second guess yourself. Is your dh someone you can talk to? Show him what you posted, please let him know he is hurting your feelings. Its possible he doesnt know that he is? Maybehe will feel like a real jerk and start treating you better. You are NOT a whimp. What we have gone through is very painful and takes a long time for recovery. Im here for you! Cheryl
Unread 01-05-2008, 07:59 AM
Feel like a wimp

If the dr. knows dh so well have him talk to him for you. My dh was told in the castle by my dr. what I could and couldn't do it made a major impact on him. DH maybe reacting to the inserts on perc. that are so heavy on the warnings. I have noticed since surgery how often perc. are mentioned as drug of choice on cop shows. Give him the a break on this one because they do preach about this issue. I still would have the dr. talk to dh.
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Unread 01-05-2008, 08:11 AM
Feel like a wimp

I must agree, you are NOT a wimp. I think a lot of people have the mistaken impression that 3 weeks should be plenty of time to heal and be feeling good after a surgery. That might be true of some, but not of this one. While every one heals differently, the vast majority of women are still in a good deal of discomfort at 3 wks out, especially if they are trying to resume any of their normal activities.

I'm glad to see your dr is supporting you and seems to be giving you good advice. While we don't encourage bashing our men around here your doctor is correct that he just doesn't understand the situation or he would be more sensitive to what you're going through. I would encourage you to sit down and have a long talk with him about how badly his remarks are hurting you. Maybe you could share the Checkpoints with him and let him read what is normal for 3 wks post op.

Listen to your body and do what you know you need to do to take care of yourself. I also took my pain medication just like you are. I would try to do without, but I would take one now and then when I needed it. My dr graciously refilled them for me at 5 wks. It sounds to me like you're doing great. Don't let these comments make you feel bad. I hope you can talk it out and come to an understanding so they will stop. Let us know how it goes.
's, Rita
Unread 01-05-2008, 08:13 AM
Feel like a wimp

You are not a failure nor a wimp! I'm still taking Motrin 800 at night and I had my TAH on 11/28. At 3 weeks, I was definitely still feeling very "raw" inside and needed occasional Lortab. If you have to take a pain pill, take it and try not to worry about what anyone else has to say about it. Your doc is right, you may need that medication off and on for awhile. Some folks, even our dearest loved ones, just don't know what it's like to go through what we've been through or how we feel on a moment to moment basis. Take care...sending you hugs and best wishes!
Unread 01-05-2008, 10:37 AM
Feel like a wimp

Thank you everyone for your encouragment and support. I exactly feel like DH and my friends expect me to be "up at at em, now!" I keep trying to explain the feeling of raw, or being gutted that I feel. I am so glad to have this site as I honestly feel very alone here these last few days. My DH was great after the first 2 weeks or so, and I know he has alot on his plate going back to work and the house, and the kids and grocerys and laundry..I know..I know ...I know..I keep telling him how much I appreciate it, but cant help but feel if the roles where reversed what it would be like. I am going to write him an email while he is at work today and try to articulate these feelings. I have tried to talk to him but he does not get it. I am thinking that maybe email will force him to listen and not be defensive. I guess I just really needed to hear that others out there are still needing pain meds and that I am healing where I should be. Thanks again
Unread 01-05-2008, 11:23 AM

hi there,
i had to respond to your post because i feel for you. 10 years ago i had major abdominal surgery & although my husband was kind & supportive he really just didn't "get it". i feel his family/parents always had this idea that they were "better than" people who had any physical pain/ailment & (sadly) this attitude was passed on to him. it's a shame they didn't credit their good health to extraordinary good luck!

in september 07 i again had major abdominal surgery & i cannot put into words just how much more caring, loving & supportive my husband has been!!! yet friends who saw me during this recovery seemed to not believe my pain & lack of mobility because (on the outside) i "look great!!" DUH: the stitches are on the inside!

my husband's increased empathy (which i see as maturity) is directly related to his own medical scare 2 years ago when i went to every single test & m.d. appointment with him "for moral support". he REALLY APPRECIATED it & still remembers how this helped his own anxiety.

your dh is holding down the fort & that is good. acknowledge this by accenting the positive but DO NOT PUSH YOURSELF to do more. instead, if possible, hire someone to to some tasks that can lessen his burden.

you have the support of all your hystersysters! you are healing & making progress every day. good luck....
Unread 01-05-2008, 06:18 PM
Feel like a wimp

Thank you for all your support again. I sat DH down and had a real chat with him, I showed him the post I made. At first he was really defensive, but then seemed to realize I was not trying to attack him. I think I may have gotten through. I explained that I may be pretty hormonal, but that I needed more. His response was to take all the kids skating, and is putting me to bed with a promise of a cuddle and movie tonight. I feel so much better...Thank you for your reasurraces. I have decided I am going to put myself first for a few days and try not to feel guilty about it. Thanks again
Unread 01-05-2008, 07:20 PM
Feel like a wimp

I'm glad the talk went well and hope you have a wonderful evening. Take good care of yourself. Listen to your body and it will let you know when you can do more.
's, Rita
Unread 01-05-2008, 07:41 PM
Feel like a wimp

I have experienced the same types of remarks also! One thing that helped me was that my family doc actually got diagrams out and explained to DH what had happened to my body and how long it could take for me to heal. After the anatomy lesson he had a change in attitude!

Take care of you!

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