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Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful) Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

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  #1  
Unread 01-10-2008, 09:43 AM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

It's been almost 8 weeks since my TAH. They took both of my ovaries due to endo. I didn't know until I woke up that they took both. I have a blood-clotting disorder and can't take HRT so I'm in full-blown menopause at 43! Pre-op I knew I was doing the right thing. I was diagnosed with adenomyosis and had a lot of pain. Now that it's over (and yes I am thankful the pain is gone) I find myself crying everyday that I did this to myself. I have terrible insomnia and am taking Ambien (which I'll probably get addicted to) and sex is so painful it's no better than it was before my surgery. I haven't had intercourse in over a year due to the pain and was sooooooo disappointed when my husband and I tried for the first time and it was so painful I couldn't do it.
I feel old and dried up and empty. I really regret having had the surgery now. I should've just sucked it up and it would've all been over in another 10 years or so. I hate the the fact that I just did this to my body so casually.
Most of all I hate how lonely and abandoned I feel now. I can't talk to anyone about this after making such a big deal out of my surgery I can't admit that I think I made a mistake. I want to talk with my husband about it, but I cant admit it to him.
I have no clear idea about what I should be doing to supplement my health now and I have no idea what to do about the painful sex. I feel so lost.
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  #2  
Unread 01-10-2008, 09:52 AM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

bailey,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Have you talked to your dr about the painful sex and menopause symptoms? If not, I think that is where you should start. Maybe there are other options since you can't be on HRT. As far as the painful sex, maybe there is a simple medical reason that can be easily taken care of. I know it will be hard for you, but I do think you should talk to your DH about how you are feeling. It is not good to keep everything to yourself. I bet you'll find that your DH will not think bad of you, and You will feel much better getting everything out in the open. I wish you all the best.
  #3  
Unread 01-10-2008, 10:25 AM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

Hugs Bailey. I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Have you looked into herbal remedies for menopause symptoms? I don't know if you can take them with your condition, but worth looking into to find out. I take a combination of herbs designed for menopause, the main ingredient being black cohosh and it really seems to help with my hot flashes and mood swings. Perhaps the pain you are having with sex is due to dryness?? Maybe using lubrication would help?? Hang in there.
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  #4  
Unread 01-10-2008, 10:42 AM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

I am so sorry that you are feeling so badly. Remember you are only 8 weeks out. I do not know if you have had surgery before but I have, and there is always a time when you feel kind of horrible again. It does end. This may be it for you.
Also, if you have not had sex really in a year and definitely not in 8 weeks, I would imagine that it would be kind of like the first time again. Definitely use lubricants, especially with no hormones.
I am not a big fan of anti depressants but there are some that help menopausal symptoms that might help you. There are also natural things that you can take. A naturopath or chiropractic could help you with that. Also, your doc could do a simple blood test to check your hormones and see how off they are.
Be patient with yourself. You are still healing.
  #5  
Unread 01-10-2008, 10:57 AM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

Hi Bailey,
You and I had surgery the same day and I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling.

Please don't be so hard on yourself - you didn't DO this to yourself. You no doubt had many options given to you and if you have a good Dr. this was the one just for you. I know I heard of what others chose to do but also knew that what was right for them was not right for me.

I too agree that the use of lubricants, taking it slow (just like the "first" time), and perhaps even estrogen-type cream for the vagina is what gals like us need to do - and perhaps a very frank discussion with the Dr. to make it all right.

Be good to yourself and take your recovery one day at a time (for me sometimes it's one hour at a time).

Tracy
  #6  
Unread 01-10-2008, 11:10 AM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

Hey there,

You've received some very good advice above. I agree with all of it. I really think you should have a discussion with your doctor about your symptoms, as mentioned above, HRT is not the only option.

It does sound like you are a bit depressed. Even a short term on some anti depressants might help you a lot. Something to ask and think about.

At 6 weeks post op, my doctor gave me the go ahead for sex. The first time was AWFUL. I was not yet on HRT. I found out when I went back to see my doctor that I had vaginal atrophy (basically happens during menopause and can make sex painful). Because I was also havng some other symptoms, we decided that I should start the HRT. After two weeks on the HRT, tried sex again and it's been much better!!!

I know that you can't do HRT, but I also know that there are products in the form of vaginal cream that can help with the vaginal atrophy and dryness. Maybe that would be an option for you -- not sure if it actually goes into your bloodstream or not (sorry, can't remember what it's called, either).

Don't lose hope! You've come so far and been through so much. It is still early and you're not out of options.

Hang in there and let us know what happens!!


Christine
  #7  
Unread 01-10-2008, 12:09 PM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

Hi Bailey! I too had surgery the same day you did and have had many ups and downs. I take ambien at night to help me sleep (because of fibro symptoms) and frankly am not addicted to it. I take it only when I need to. Tomorrow is my b-day (the BIG 4-0!) and it is also the clearance day my doc gave me to try sex again. Honestly, I am scared spitless...but bought some KY personal moisture beads and some regular KY to try out. My hubby knows that he is going to have to be patient and go slow. It truly will be like the first time for us...since its been a while too! We were lucky to be "together" one time in between my surgeries (10/14 and then 11/19)...so we're long overdue!

I agree with the ladies above. Don't give up! Talk to your doctor about how you're feeling. They know we women are complex creatures as it is, then to throw hormones on the train too...LOOK OUT!!!

Sending you many hugs!
  #8  
Unread 01-10-2008, 04:57 PM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

Thank you all for your kind words of advice and support. It's nice to know there are other people out there experiencing the same things I am. I don't know why I'm struggling with this decision now when I was so sure and confident beforehand. I think I'm grieving that part of my body that's no longer there. I feel like I've betrayed my body. It's hard to put into words, but I think it's a process of letting go of much more than my uterus. It's been the focus of my life, even in a bad way, for many years. I know it sounds weird, but I'm kind of lost now that I don't have pain and my periods to dwell on. I got a lot of attention for it as well. Not to mention I always slept well back then! Plus I feel very upset about being in menopause. I don't want to be! if I had let things happen naturally I would still have a few years ahead of me before the lovely hot flashes and vaginal dryness! Reconnecting with my husband is very much like doing it again for the first time. I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband who is my best friend as well. I picked up the book "The Wisdom of Menopause". It's a powerful and empowering view of menopause and it really resonates with me. It's helping me to see the silver lining!
Good luck to all of us on this journey!
  #9  
Unread 01-10-2008, 05:35 PM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

i hope that you will talk to your dr about how you feel and he can help you with your emotions. if you cant take hrt, maybe you can take an antidepressant. dont worry about getting addicted to ambien...it is a medication just like anything else. if you need it, take it. you cant heal when you dont sleep. i hope you feel better very soon
  #10  
Unread 01-10-2008, 05:43 PM
Struggling with my hysterectomy. (tearful and regretful)

Hi Bailey!

You have received some very wise and comforting words from your (((sisters))) and I only have one thing to add:

Menopause books can indeed be helpful, but when reading them please always keep in mind that the authors are referring to natural menopause, which is a gradually-occuring transition, versus surgical menopause, like both you and I experienced when we had our ovaries removed.

I hope that, with more time, you come to find peace with your hysterectomy decision. It took me while to do that myself.

Many s and Best Wishes,
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