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Can't have intercourse w/out crying! Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

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Unread 01-16-2008, 09:40 AM
Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

I have an appointment with my gyn tomorrow, but c'mon, is this for real? It's shorter now, and tighter around the opening. It hurts so bad, that I tear up! My poor DH is freaking out because he feels "he's" hurting me. It's been about 1 1/2 months since I've been released for sex, and it didn't start out this bad. It was actually just uncomfortable at first. Then it got easier. Now.....It's so painful! I'm wondering if I have some sort of infection, or if there is scar tissue or something? I've read where some women get relief using hormones, but that's not an option for me. (Had that wonderful PE a week after surgery.) Any advice out there for me?
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Unread 01-16-2008, 10:10 AM
Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

Hi I'm new and I don't know what PE is (looked on abbreviations and didn't see it), but I am having similar issues with sex or lack thereof. I have had some minor tearing at the vaginal opening from attempting sex and at this point we can't even achieve penetration let alone intercourse.

As I understand it from other members, there is scar formation going on for months afterward, but after the 12 month post op point your doctor can remove some of the scars to make sex easier (office procedure). Members also advised me about additional or adequate estrogen HRT. Estrogen vaginal creams seem to make the vaginal tissue more elastic, which would certainly help matters! Lubricant makes the area slippery but not stretchy. I'm going back to my surgeon armed with the suggestions I have received on this board and hopefully will be able to make a treatment plan with her.

I have received a lot of comfort and helpful suggestions form this board, but more than anything it seems like it just takes time and trial and error and patience with healing process. For that reason it seems to me that doctors should stop telling us that we are ok for sex 6 weeks after surgery and instead tell us the truth which is that sex may be uncomfortable or even impossible for the first year afterward.

Hope you feel better soon!
Unread 01-16-2008, 10:30 AM
painful sex

MisTre - I couldn't agree more - I think docs should stop telling us we can have sex at 6 weeks - I was told I could, and I still had aching in my abdomen where the uterus was removed, so I didn't even attempt it! When we did attempt it at 8 weeks, it was uncomfortable with a lot of pressure and couldn't go all the way. I have since not been able to try it because I took antibiotics for a sinus infection which gave me a yeast infection, then had an allergic reaction to Monistat over the counter, then had to take another round of antibiotics for bacteria in my urine, which brought the yeast infection back three times as bad! I took three days of fluconizole for the yeast infection, but still had some itching after that, so I am finishing up treatment with medicated douches, which seems to be working. I have had freakish allergic reactions to medications since my surgery which I never had before. I am at 11+ weeks now, and we are getting ready to try again, hopefully with more success. From what I understand, the vagina has been stitched smaller than it was, and needs to be stretched again - I was told it was like being a virgin again, however, I don't recall it feeliing quite like that the first time!
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Unread 01-16-2008, 11:24 AM
Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

slpante, you had the same surgeries I had and I think that makes our situations more difficult as far as healing goes. I mean we had a lot of repairs to the vaginal areas (bladder slings, recticele, cystocele, etc) that makes sex more of a challenge and I think that maybe six weeks is way too soon. So why do they tell us it is ok? Do they assume it is our obligation to the man in our lives to force our healing bodies to proceed in something that may not really be appropriate? That does a great disservice to us and to the men in our lives who are certainly capable of waiting a little longer for vaginal intercourse.

It is aggravating to me that now my husband has it in his head that six weeks was all it takes and is convinced I just don't want sex instead of realizing it is simply too painful and my vaginal cuff is too tight. Had my surgeon told him / us the truth, which is that it could take the better part of a year before sex would resume "normally", I'd at least be getting more support from my partner. As it is, I not only have to deal with my own physical issues but now with the issue of him feeling like I don't want him. It is taxing my patience something terrible!
Unread 01-16-2008, 12:10 PM
Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

Oh GREAT.. my husband is right now saying he doesnt feel like a man.. because we can't have sex.. and he's raring to go.. and then this.. oh boy.. oy vey! more like.. Mine is convinced that the night of the 25th is gonna be the big night and it's going to be like before, and I'm not so sure.. after hearing all this.. I guess we will find out. I did ask the doctor if it would make the vagina smaller at all, and she said no. So I guess we shall see..
Unread 01-16-2008, 12:31 PM
Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

i'm so sorry this is happening to you..i hope the solution is something simple and you feel better really soon
Unread 01-16-2008, 12:34 PM
Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

I agree, MisTre - the men can wait as long as it takes! Hopefully your hubby can understand that it's not him. Mine knows how scared I have been, and he has been afraid to hurt me too - I'm sure at some point his patience will run out, but for now, he's handling it well. I do think that the docs cause some of this problem, like you said, by implying that 6 weeks is some magic number, because I thought 6 weeks was a magic number too, and thought we were doing great with a goal of 8 weeks, until we tried it out!!

Tilly - You might not have the same problems, since you did not have a vaginal hysterectomy. Since they didn't cut into your vagina from the outside, you might not have any discomfort at all - and may, in fact, be able to get right back to it. I have read posts from ladies on this site who have been able to do just that and do great. My issues really come from the fact that before surgery I had had three babies, which tends to stretch things out a bit permanently, and now after a vaginal hysterectomy with many other repairs, my doc stitched me up nice and tight as she puts it, so it's like I'm 17 again, however, that makes it much more difficult to get back to it without some patience, discomfort and working with it. I really think it will be worth it in the end, but getting from here to there is scary and not easy. Try not to worry too much - odds are you will be just fine!
Unread 01-16-2008, 12:37 PM
Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

Originally Posted by tilly.kitten
Oh GREAT.. my husband is right now saying he doesnt feel like a man.. because we can't have sex.. and he's raring to go.. and then this.. oh boy.. oy vey! more like.. Mine is convinced that the night of the 25th is gonna be the big night and it's going to be like before, and I'm not so sure.. after hearing all this.. I guess we will find out. I did ask the doctor if it would make the vagina smaller at all, and she said no. So I guess we shall see..
since you had an lsh and retained your cervix, you dont have a vaginal cuff. the cuff is what sometimes makes the vagina shorter.
Unread 01-16-2008, 12:41 PM
Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

hi tilly kitten. Please don't be alarmed by all of this. I think the reason we (myself and others like me) are having so many difficulties is because we had additional surgeries to the area that effected the vaginal opening and vaginal walls (bladder sling, urethral repair, recticele repair, cystocele repair). More incisions and stitches mean more areas that can develop scars.

Everyone is different. My older sister had a TAH/BSO 20 years ago and she said she had no problems at all resuming enthusiastic and pleasurable intercourse (hence she had no advice for me about the issue). Many, many hyster-sisters have no probems with this at all. I wish I were one of them!
Unread 01-16-2008, 02:25 PM
Can't have intercourse w/out crying!

A PE aka: Pulmonary Embolism, is a blood clot in the artery of your lung. Can be fatal. Just like birth control, hormones can have a bad affect on me and cause more clotting, thus the reason I will never be able to have HRT or anything.

The first times we did have sex, it wasn't painful, just uncomfortable. Then we got to a point where it was great. It's just been the past few weeks that it's been painful. So I'm just not sure what's going on. I'll find out tomorrow though when I go to see my Dr.

I wasn't going to make an appointment, but my best friends are nurses and all keep telling me I better go or they'll tell him theirselves. LOL Nice to have such "caring" friends. I'll let you all know how it goes though.

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