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How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant) How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant)

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Unread 01-24-2008, 05:24 PM
How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant)

I know most of us on this site has gone or is going through the same thing. So I know that you guys can relate to what I'm going through.

When I talk with my family and friends about how I feel, they give me the "oh it's for the best" or "you'll be fine" speeches. I'm not fine!!! I am mentally a wreck.

I was having lots of pelvic pain for over 6 months when finally decided that the pain was too much for me to bear any longer. On my first visit the dr said that I had a huge fibroid. He sent me for a pelvic MRI and got the results. I went in and he said that I have adenomyosis and fibroids. He discussed my options and I opted for a final resolution, well so I thought with the hysterectomy. After the hysterectomy he told me that I have endo too. I will need to go on a course of Zoladex, Amiridex, Prempro and a few supplements for 1 year.

I am a wreck!! I can't stop crying and having a pity party. Why me?!! I had it really rough over the years with migranes, 2 premature twin births, death of 1 twin and regular life situations. I know things could be much worse but I HATE it because my family and friends talk to me like I should feel how they think I should feel. They don't try to put themselves in my shoes. If there, I'm sure they would be a tune to a different beat.

So how do you not have a pity party?
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Unread 01-24-2008, 05:38 PM

I am so sorry that your going through this. I just recently had a pity me Epi the other day to which I posted .. “Less of a Woman” and thanks to the lovely ladies on this site I have not had a pity party since.. If you would like to, take a look under that post as I am sure those lovely ladies posted to not just me, but all of us.. Those words are just as much meant for you as they were me.
I am sure you have the right given what you have had to endure in your life time. I think a lot of us here have had the same.. You’ll feel better comments or what ever.. Family and friends should be there right? But the fact is I have learned the hard way that some people do not relate, do not truly understand or better yet are scared and do not know how to react, of course that is no excuse but it was a fact that I had to consider. . thank goodness for this website, right! I mean how lucky are we that we at least have our hystersisters who will ALWAYS understand.. Take a deep breathe.. Maybe a few of them.. Sure it is a good thing to remind yourself that others have it worse, BUT do not stop your grieving process completely. I think I thought not crying about my situation was the right thing to do and then I went the complete opposite and started to feel sorry for myself to the point where I started to fall into depression.. And now I realize I need to find a balance between the two. Some days are easier than others.. I will keep you and others alike in my thoughts and prayers as I know all to well what your talking about. I hope in the days to come that you can find comfort and peace. YOU are cared about..
Unread 01-24-2008, 06:43 PM
How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant)

Jen thank you so much for your words of encouragement, advice and prayers. It is really greatly appreciated. I love this website!! I will read your post.
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Unread 01-24-2008, 06:53 PM
How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant)

{{{}}} I think to some degree a pity party is totally justified. You need to mourn all the things and changes to your body and your life. I tend to be pretty strong and keep things under control, but I know that I've found that no one really understands how this affects me and reading the posts here really helps. Yes, I was done having children. Yes, the endo will be gone and I should feel better That does not change the fact that I've been through a lot and my body has changed! I know people mean well but they just don't get it. Hang in there and do what you need to make yourself feel better. Don't worry about what others are thinking - you know how to get yourself through all this. And if you can't then don't hesitate to ask for help- either online or with your doctor. {{{Sending you a big hug}}}
Unread 01-24-2008, 07:29 PM
How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant)

I too lost a twin. My daughter was born despite living in the uterus with with the twin. I can relate. We all need someone to listen to us. Find a trusted friend and ask them to just let you vent. Tell them up front you want someone to pity you for a while. My sister and I do this all the time. One of us will call the other and say "Can I vent?" The answer is always yes of course.

We usually feel better after. I feel awful today and feel the need to just cry. It is ok. I have been through worse but I still need to cry over the small stuff.
Unread 01-24-2008, 08:29 PM
How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant)

I am not one to talk freely of this but I had three pregnancies and only two live healthy babies. . . and yet there are more hard times I could talk about but the reality is I too sometimes cry over the little things. Like tonight.. I totally had a mental overload.. broke down crying.. then I took a bath and read a few self help books.. I am going to start reclaiming my life... one step at a time. I hope every one here on this site has more good days then bad! Good night ladies...
Unread 01-24-2008, 08:41 PM
How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant)


My heart goes out to you.
You're correct in acknowledging that many of us have been
through the same type of experiences. But it seems as though
you've been given more than your share of life's challenges.
You have every right to have a pity party! Having a good
cry is a great release. But you'll drive yourself crazy asking "why me?".
It always helps me when I put my feelings in a journal.
You can write letters to the family members who can't
even imagine what you are going through. You may never give them
the letters but it's good to get the feelings out! Maybe it would help
to write a letter to the child you lost also. It might sound strange
but it's a way to express your feelings since there aren't
a lot of people who understand what you are feeling.

You're a strong woman and you will be stronger with each challenge you face.

Do something special for yourself to help you relax.
You deserve it!
Unread 01-24-2008, 09:03 PM
How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant)

I think IMO a lot of us are going through or have been through the pity Party the nice thing is when ever I feel it coming on I get on here I cry I post I read I can not even imagine going through what you have yet I know it is so hard to keep my emotions straight I could not put myself in your shoes but I tell you if I did not have this site I would be so scared, crying and just hopeless now even in post op I was bad the week before surgery no one around me could understand but everyone here was so supportive I have made it this far and I know if I need to rant cry or ask stupid questions I have the support here as someone has or is going through what I am I have an over protective DH who is driving me nuts but still does not get my strange mood swings lukily I find solice here and I hope you can too
Unread 01-25-2008, 06:50 AM
How Do You Not Have A Pity Party? (Rant)

Oh yes, do let it out by what ever means necessary. If you bottle "it" up, it will not be good for you or others around you. Sometimes, no make that most times, people say all those trite sayings as they really don't know what to say. I am coming up on the 12th anniversary of my parents' passing 40 days apart from different cancers related to smoking. The best thing for me was to have my "cry" whenever I needed to, then proceed with whatever was before me. Journaling is also good to get stuff "out" of you, although I am not consistent with daily journalling myself.
Also I found it good to preface my vents with "you don't have to do or say anything, please just listen" Especially with some people that are "fixers". You don't want them to fix anything, just listen. (I tend to be a fixer, so this is a hard lesson I have had to learn)

Do get your daily dose of hystersisters, I think that I would have driven my family crazy by now if it weren't for this site. My DH is relieved that I have been finding useful and practical help. He does not realize nor will he ever about all the emotional help I have received!
Unread 01-27-2008, 08:24 AM
another rant

i have never seen a sight like this ever and am so very grateful it exists. I had T/V/H w/anterior cystocel repair on 12/Then we3/07. In early Oct. i moved in w/my 20yo daughter, who is a single mom to my 2yo grandson-and i am only 40. My husband & I seperated last Oct. after 12 1/2 yrs of marriage, bcuz my d is a very selfish person,and being her mother, i didnt see it for what it was. I moved in w/her because she is young & we could help each other out as I too was a single mom having her 15yo bro to finish raising. What a nightmare!!!!Instead of me helping her raise her son, giving advise,etc., she expected me to do everything. Then we found out I was to have my surg. She turned into the biggest b.... I have ever seen. I had no way to the hospital until the last min with her complaining all the way from Austin to Dallas that I was being selfish & inconsiderate of her needs by having this surgery when I did. It was my fault that during the 3wks we had to prepare,I didnt find another bbsitter. She actually stayed until i was out of surg., but left w/in 15 min of my waking up. She then refused to come pick me up,so during my 4 day stay in hosp, I had to call my bro & beg him to come pick me up-he said yes-daughter had called him when i came too making sure he knew how selfish i was being. My "ex" brought my son to see me on the second day(my son moved back w/dad in Oct, 2wks after we moved bcuz she was being so hatefull to him as well, & dad isnt biological father,& our divorce was final in Nov) and he told me to just come home,but my grandson has noone looking out for him. So my bro. takes me to her house bcuz that is where i live. Shes not home, and when she gets there wants me to watch the baby so she can go out to eat in peace, & gets furious when i tell her no-i was discharced w/cath,so she just leaves. The next morning she calls me from work to tell me she was going to have some of her co-workers come by after work for a bbq- could i make some potatoe salad!!!!NOT!!!My bro called to chech up on me & I told him & he shows up an hour later saying I was going with him- I ended up stayin 2wks with him & his wife. The whole time she calls being nasty about me "hiding out" at my bros,im selfish,this whole thing is a big inconvience,etc.......12/22/07 I have to go back to the dua. bcuz bro has business to take care of. He takes me home,and the house is so nasty my sis-in-law refused to use the toilet,daughter isnt even home-out shopping-so i had to do some cleaning just to use the bathroom.She comes home and starts yelling at me-if you had been here there wouldnt be such a mess,if i hadnt been so selfish,etc...I am trying to stay calm bcuz im starting to spot just from the cleaning i had already done that was too much, then she tells me the baby has pinkeye, she had had pnem.,& a friend & her 2 kids come to visit while I was gone & she waits till im back to tell me one of the kids han staph!!!!but im being selfish-so 12/24 I drive from Austin to Ftworth-i had to get away from her before i lost it-to my "ex"husbands to see my son. My son is furious w/his sister for treating me like that, hubby just holds me & tells me he still loves me &alway has,but finally understands I had to go there for my grandson bcuz she just doesnt haave the instinct to care for him,he understands why i had to move away from him to do it. The whole time i am here, she calls constantly gripping bcuz im not there.12/30 was her 21 b-day. I wanted to be with her bcuz dispite her att, i am her mother,i do still love her,& b-days arnt just for them-thats when i had my child-the day my whole life changed. so son & I drive back to austin-HUGE mistake. We argue bcuz i cant chase the baby all over the restraunt-she shouldnt have to its her b-day.She yells at me in front of all these people-so I yell back. The next day is new years eve. She has to work,we kept the baby bcuz we wanted to spend some time w/hjm. She wants to meet us after work to take us out to eat & go see a movie(i never party on new years eve) & after the movie she just flips & starts yelling at me so i just left & of course we have the baby & she just doesnt come home til the next morning. I love my grandson. He weighs about 30-35lbs. So far he had done well, but when we got to the house he didnt want to get out of the truck so he fell to the ground w/me holding his hand-talk about pain esp. after our yelling match earlier.1/1/08 we spent yelling- she just would not back off. she kept wanting me to watch the baby so she could go out-he jumps off the couch and lands on me holding on tight so that i have to heave at the impact.1/2/08 my son packs a few things for me as by now iam really starting to hurt, & we drive back to ft.worth. 1/3/08, i am in the local emergency rm becuase i hurt so bad i think i am going to die. He examines me as carefully as he can-doesnt see any damage,but to take it very easy-like i just got out of the hosp. I call my surgeon the next day,but could talk only to the nurse on duty-my surg had been done at the local VA as i am a disabled vet-& was told to keep my scheduled appt 1/25/08. It got cancelled & moved to 2/1/08,which will be almost 9wk post-op. my "ex"wants me back-i said yes bcuz i love him so much. I didnt think he would understand-especially about the daughter-but I have been blessed bcuz he does. He understand better than i how do you not have a pity party? i dont know i seem to have one regularly- i just try to stay focused- my husband still loves me and wants me-but i get scaired bcuz it has been 8wks & i stiil hurt everyday. Is this pain something illjust have to get used to, or did i do something that will require more surg? How am i supposed to not be mad at my daughter? I know shes young, but my 15yo son knows what she did was wrong. She got mad when i called her to tell her i had to go to the er rm. I was done with having kids when i had my surg-my d was 20 w/a 2yo, i had 5 misc. in between, then i had my 15yo son. How do you not get dissappointed when the first and only time ive needed her she failed me so badly. Since my visit to the emerg rm, i have been taking it very easy. The intensity of the pain is gone, but the ache & pressure are still there. Sorry if TMI,but i guess i needed to rant too!!!!!!!It actually made me feel better. It would make me feel even better if I got some advise on the amount of pain i am in at this point(8-9wks out) Thank you ladies for at least listening!!!!!

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