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Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked? Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

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Unread 01-26-2008, 05:29 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

Tuesday was my surgery date, TAH (complete removal of all) after a full bowel prep ( most horrible - Sodim phosphate?)- released late Friday. First full day home and I am being asked the strangest things- or maybe I am just a bit hypersensitive?
"So, are you feeling better, did the surgery eliviate the pain?" - gee, couldn't tell you since the 13 staples are killing me right now.
"When can you some to visit me?" Gee I am on house rest, no stairs, no lifting.. maybe you can visit me?
"Why are you taking pain meds, is it that bad?" - yup....
"why do you have to be out of work" - cant work if I can't walk/drive/stairs/ think...
"while you are out of work, how about you take a vacation down to FLA to visit me and the kids" -??
-- note that none of these are by my very wonderful and supportive husband who is trying to make sure I rest, they are by my parents, sister, friends and such. I simply do not know how to answer some of these questions and while it is concerning me, and I do know the extent of what I/we have gone through I have a difficult time understanding why others have made this difficult surgery something so simple?
Any advice you can offer in how to manage this as I am torn between making sure I take care of myself and if I am being too much of a baby....
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Unread 01-26-2008, 05:45 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

I don't think you are being a baby. Explain that you just had major surgery. Your body is traumatized, and that you are enjoying recovering at home. You can not go to work because your Dr. said that for 6 weeks you are to rest and give your body time to heal.
The pain meds are prescribed for a reason. A six inch cut on the outside and a vertical muscle cut inside hurt.
Just tell them that you only have one chance to heal right
They are silly questions, but some people just don't understand.

Best Wishes
Unread 01-26-2008, 05:46 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

You are not being a baby. I had my surgery almost 3 weeks ago and today I had to go run a view errands and let me tell you I am paying for it right now. I am such pain and discomfort, my legs hurt and I am tired. I started crying last night because I am so sick of sleeping on my back but each time I try and get a comfortable position on my side or sorta on my side I start getting pain. My son came in and asked why I was upset and I told him. Why does it hurt so bad? and why can't I do anything? I get so tired and feel like such a baby because I have to cancel out on things. my son said to me "Mon you just had major surgery and you have to heal, that is why the doctor said 6-10 weeks recovery" duh I guess right it has only been just about 3. You have to take it slow. I know that today I did too much and really it wasn't but in my condition I just can't. My best friend's b-day is today and we were suppose to all go out to see a band called Yellow brick Road but I just can't. I know she is upset but she will get over that cause she isn't thinking of me right now but will and feel bad. I can't I just never know when I need to lie down or put my feet up. We are all here for you and we understand so don't at all feel like a baby take it easy and rest!!
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Unread 01-26-2008, 05:47 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

I think it's wise to be thoughtful of how you're caring for yourself, and I also think that you need to realize how totally helpless people feel about wanting to connect with you after your surgery, yet not QUITE knowing exactly the right thing to say.
I think that only women who have, themselves, experienced hysterectomy truly know what a long process of recovery it is...although I am here to tell you I, personally, had an exceptional recovery with minimal pain (TAH due to an 18 cm fibroid, vertical incision). I was no hero, but I tried very hard not to be a baby...and that's not easy, lol. I appreciate that you are questioning your feelings, because this is a perfect opportunity to practice balance.
People are ignorant, but they're not being mean spirited. Neither should you.
Have a great recovery !!!
Unread 01-26-2008, 05:52 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

I feel really bad for you. I can see how you would flustered with such stupid questions. I am 8 months out and still recoving my self. You could explain that it will take a year to recove completely (as you will find). You could remind them your doctors just cut you open from hip to hip through many layers to pull out your insides and no you don't feel better and yes you definately need the med's. Not only do you have staples but you have stiches in many layers under your skin including your "you know what" where your cervix used to be. Not only can you not pick up anything over 10 lbs but you can't do anything to stess your body. After the outside heals remember to be careful not to rip the healing stiches on the inside, for that takes longer.
No, sweetie your not being hypertensive your being realistic! Hang in there and remember your "sisters" are here for you.
Unread 01-26-2008, 05:59 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

thank you for all the quick replies, I have been very calm and answered all as best as possible. today seemed to be the day for all the calls, and 2 unexpected visitors. Possibly I am just overtired, stressed and then the pain for the first day home and I am not as understanding as usual. The reality check from you all, and my DH is helping me to take the first day home and the future ones slowly. Not to push myself and just rest.. (sleep in the oversized chair again) and let me body heal. tomorrow should be a quiter day - I am and should be thankful for all the calls and visits today - I guess while they are unsure what to say, or how to say it, they care - and that is great!
Unread 01-26-2008, 06:02 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

Thank you- you helped me see the reality of the connection being the most important, not the ignorance fo the question
Unread 01-26-2008, 06:52 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?


People that have never had what I call "open me up" surgery, or been around anyone that has had it, just don't know what's involved. Years ago in the early 70s, my father had ulcer surgery and he was at the hospital at least a full week! (it was 1972 and he watched the Olympics on TV.) I am sure he was home for several weeks too! Bodies and the time they take to heal has not changed over the years. The procedures and the surgery techniques have changed, but our bodies have not. Unfortunately, you just have to patiently educate these persons.

Also during these first couple weeks, turn the phone ringer off and change the greeting for the answering machine to "I am recovering from surgery and taking a nap that my body demands and my brain has no control over. I will return your call when I have a lucid moment between pain killers!"

It will get better, I promise!
Unread 01-26-2008, 09:38 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

I understand you fully and you are not a baby. I do not think that people take these surgeries seriously. Actually at times, I feel great and feel like I can conquer the world but I quickly find myself on my back again. I think that a lot of us are very strong women and people almost expect us to jump right back into things as soon as they see a moment of comfort for us.

My teen DD actually accuses me of acting like I still feel bad. That makes me feel so awful. I guess I am partly to blame because I have ALWAYS tried to appear strong for children so she does not get to see a lot of my weakest moments.

It is frustrating. I know... HUGS!
Unread 01-26-2008, 10:31 PM
Help me answer some of the most insane questions I am being asked?

Hi CRMASS. As others have said, you are not being hyper-sensitive or being a baby. Your body just went through a major ordeal and needs time to recover, both inside and out. You need to rest a lot, eat right and take your pain meds. My surgery was less invasive than yours (LSH on 1/22), but I'm still feeling it. I can only imagine how it must feel for all you abdominal surgery ladies. Major, but gentle, s for you!

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