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DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

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Unread 01-31-2008, 04:24 PM
"Milking" my recovery period?

My DH has been soooo great through this whole experience, but now that I'm 8 weeks post-op, he thinks I'm "milking" the recovery period if I say I feel too tired to do something or if I don't feel like getting frisky... Now he's got me wondering myself! Am I "milking" it?

I am definitely feeling better, but I have some days where I still feel really exhausted... especially now that I'm back to work full time. I've been very stressed and am not sleeping well. Could I be causing this fatigue psychologically?

Anyone else dealing with these issues? What do/did you say when others think you should be back to normal by now?
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Unread 01-31-2008, 05:40 PM
DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

I too am definately over fatigued and quite aggrevated by it. DH is awesome, but I am so frustrated that I have zero energy after work! Wonder when it will return? Soon I hope.
Unread 01-31-2008, 06:14 PM
DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

I just wanted to tell you even though I am only 3 weeks post op yesterday was the worse day since I have been home. I was sick all day and in pain. I was throwing up bile, could not keep anything even water down. Today I am exhausted walking or getting up has been difficult but I am managing. My doctor told me to expect a 6-10 week with the possibility of 12-14 week recovery and I know that is what it is going to be. Some days I am fine and then others just wiped out. I have noticed too that my husband is not as nurturing he is now going to bed earlier and I have to settle down my daughter and he isn't really helping as much around the house as before. He has mentioned too me that healing takes time then gets mad at me because I do not feel like going over to his sisters?????????? Anyway I think that men like to fix things and when they can't they get frustrated. Still it is hard this is the hardest thing that i have had to recover from and i have good days and bad.. Good luck!!
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Unread 01-31-2008, 06:18 PM
DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

I had my TAH in October and am still having issues with tiredness. I also have a terrible time with insomnia. which adds to the psychological and physical exhaustion. I had a very good recovery, but even so at 8 weeks I could not have taught a class or been a very good tutor. My body and mind simply were not functioning the way they needed to in order to do my jobs properly. I just went back to work this past week; I'm not teaching this semester and am pretty glad about it because even now I doubt that I could keep up the mental energy to handle a class 3 hours a week. Your husband needs to understand that the 6-8 week recovery period merely covers healing from the surgery itself. Yes, you may be able to work now, getting through the day, but it can still exhaust you mentally and physically. You may be up to some chores on days when you're not working, but it's fully understandable why after a full's day work you would need to rest. Have your husband read some posts from the ladies about the struggles they have when they go back to work. He'll see that you're not milking anything.
Unread 01-31-2008, 08:30 PM
DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

You are getting fatigued because you are back at work. Some of you have to return to work and once when we return to work everyone thinks you are fine and back to normal. Just going to work, getting up, getting dressed and doing all the stuff you HAVE to do just to get through the work day and then come home and do everything you did before the surgery. No wonder you all are having a hard time with fatigue. My surgery 4 years ago took a long time to recover. I was back to work after 3 1/2 week but it was no more than 6 hours a day and it was brutal. At 7 weeks I remember crying to my mom because I still felt there was a blanket over my head and everyone had no idea that I felt still so crummy. We understand here at hystersisters. It is hard for others who have never been under anesthesia and/or major surgery to realize that everyone heals differently. My surgery 8 days ago is nothing compared to my other surgery. My anesthesia is wearing off. I got kidnapped by a frirend today and went to Target and loved it. I will be paying for it tonight I am sure but we all are so different. It is the same concept after childbirth. Some of us found it to be easy and recovered well and others ended up really having a hard time. Just keep the communication open with your husband. They don't mean to be insensitive. It is just the lack of understanding that we all heal differently and at different times and just turn it around and ask him what it is that he is really needing from you and see if you are able to provide in other ways so you are heard and he is heard. Hang in there. Take one day at a time and keep listening to your body. You are doing the best you can do.
Unread 01-31-2008, 09:26 PM
DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

My DH has been so supportive in the first 2 weeks of my recovery but as I head into my 3rd week, I see changes already. So I can only imagine how it will be at 8 weeks! haha

The more steps I take to recovery, the more my family thinks I am 'all better'. It is frustrating because I want to make strides in getting my life back but when I feel like I need help or need rest, I want that too.

I feel like I cannot win. I refuse to act like I am in pain and feel bad all the time to get what I want when I truly am so I guess I am just stuck with dealing with the doubters. When I do not feel up to something, I just do not do it. If they do not like it, they can look the other way or do it themselves...haha EXAMPLE: I was exhausted this morning so I went back to bed and did not come to work until 10:30 vs 8:30.

We know our bodies and still need to take the time to heal right. I am back to work already for the 4th day (half-days) but I have made it VERY clear to them that I intend to listen to my body and so far, they seem to be understanding but I bet they last about 2 weeks too. grrr

Unread 01-31-2008, 09:42 PM
DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

MEN!!!! THEY JUST CANNOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND!!!! Don't be too hard on him, they see us looking like our old selves, doing things we always do, so naturally they think we are feeling great.....

Believe me, do not rush it. I was 3 weeks post op decorating Christmas trees, house, and cooking and I really over did it. I paid for it, too. I have had abdominal pain since. I went back to work at 7 weeks, and got exhausted. I usually recup after a 12 hr. shift the next day.

Now at 9 weeks post-op I am feeling better each day. I still have pelvic pain at times, but have learned to take it easy and pay attention to my body and only do what I feel like doing. When tired, rest. I don't do any real heavy lifting as yet.

I have come to realize that this is a long healing process and we have to listen to our bodies and not rush the recovery period. It varies with all of us. That 6 weeks the Doc. tells us is not for everyone. Some take longer, for sure. A day does not go by that I do not have some discomfort and I get tired easily, too.

Hope this helps and you feel better, a little each day......one day at a time
Unread 01-31-2008, 10:37 PM
DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

Here's a link for you to share with your husband.

You aren't "milking it". It can take a very long time to recover fully.
Men and even women who haven't been through this operation just can't
imagine what the recovery is like. You have to go at your own pace and
don't let anyone push you when you aren't ready.
as long as needed!
Unread 01-31-2008, 10:59 PM
DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

Men are interesting creatures,

My husband told me that when he was tired he just got a good nights sleep!!!!! He really just couldn't understand why I would tire so easily.

I told him they had cut junks out of me and I had lots to heal and that I'd remind him of this when he has to have knee replacement surgery!!!!

He really was good but I think maybe just a bit frustrated.
Unread 01-31-2008, 11:24 PM
DH thinks I'm "Milking" my recovery period

Thank you all so much for your support and comments. It's so nice to have a place to vent and to get feedback from women who REALLY KNOW what I'm going through.

I talked with my DH tonight and told him that the little comments that he makes really bother me. He felt really bad and assured me that he was just kidding around. I asked him to please NOT do that anymore! Even the kidding around makes me feel guilty because I feel like maybe there's a little truth to it in how he feels. I don't want to discount his feelings (real or pretend), but right now, the most important thing for me is healing 100%. He was very understanding and apologetic. We'll see if that lasts!

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