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1 year anniversary coming up, anybody feel like this too? 1 year anniversary coming up, anybody feel like this too?

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  #1  
Unread 02-10-2008, 08:47 PM
1 year anniversary coming up, anybody feel like this too?

I can't believe an entire year has just about gone by since I had my surgery. It seems like only yesterday I was in the hospital. This board helped me so much to prepare for the surgery, which in itself really scared me. I didn't want a hysterectomy. But it was the only way to stop the bleeding. Anyway, now a year has almost passed. I was never on any form of HRT and I still am not. I do take a vaginal cream. It's Estradial. My ob/gyn said I could use it every night to prevent atrophy, which was setting in. It has helped. But now, a year later, while the hot flashes have finally calmed down, I find myself moody, suffering from brain fog, I bruise easily, and I don't have much of a sex drive. In fact, I could care less for sex if it wasn't for my boyfriend. And about the big "O", well, I can forget that. I can't remember what an orgasm was like. I have no desire for sex anymore. I kept my cervix, the drs. couldn't take it out. Not exactly sure why. But I also find myself feeling sad all the time. Not so much depressed. More like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I don't feel the same anymore. Instant menopause was bad enough, but my dr. said I'd feel good as new in a month. Well, 10 months later and I don't. I wish there had been other options for me. I never wanted a hysterectomy. I was 44 at the time and bleeding constantly and had endometriosis and fibroids. And terribly anemic. I can't enjoy sex anymore at all. I just want to get it over with and pretend like it's good when I could actually care less. It doesn't hurt because there is plenty of lubrication. It's just that I don't get the big O anymore and my stomach where they cut it still feels numb. I hate what this surgery has done to me and the drs. never prepared me for it. They don't tell you what is going to happen afterwards. Only what to expect during the surgery. I'm not a candidate for HRT, so I have to just forget that. it's just that I feel like crying for no reason, and I get mad easily. I never used to be like that. Can someone please share their experience with me 1 year later? I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks.
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  #2  
Unread 02-10-2008, 09:10 PM
1 year anniversary coming up, anybody feel like this too?

Hi Luvs2Quilt!

It's great to hear from you, but I do wish the news about your post-op life was better. Are you absolutely certain that a medical condition prevents you from safely taking HRT? The reason I ask is...HRT has been so beneficial to me, and if another evaluation from a different medical provider might provide a different conclusion I hope you would pursue that and being checked out. Medical opinions are constantly evolving on this topic and so it may serve you well to check out another knowledgeable source about this.

The only thing I have left to share with you is this: At one year post-op if you read my post in "Beyond the Land of Hyster" you will note that it differs significantly from what you could read from me in that forum the next year, or until my upcoming five-year sentiments. What I have discovered, in my own Hysterectomy Timeline, is that some of us take longer to feel at peace with our decisions and come to fully embrace, and love and appreciate, our post-hysterectomy selves. I have confidence that, in time you will make this same discovery.

Many s and Best Wishes to You Alwayss,
  #3  
Unread 02-10-2008, 11:21 PM
1 year anniversary coming up, anybody feel like this too?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Bizet Woman
Hi Luvs2Quilt!

It's great to hear from you, but I do wish the news about your post-op life was better. Are you absolutely certain that a medical condition prevents you from safely taking HRT? The reason I ask is...HRT has been so beneficial to me, and if another evaluation from a different medical provider might provide a different conclusion I hope you would pursue that and being checked out. Medical opinions are constantly evolving on this topic and so it may serve you well to check out another knowledgeable source about this.

The only thing I have left to share with you is this: At one year post-op if you read my post in "Beyond the Land of Hyster" you will note that it differs significantly from what you could read from me in that forum the next year, or until my upcoming five-year sentiments. What I have discovered, in my own Hysterectomy Timeline, is that some of us take longer to feel at peace with our decisions and come to fully embrace, and love and appreciate, our post-hysterectomy selves. I have confidence that, in time you will make this same discovery.

Many s and Best Wishes to You Alwayss,

I went to 3 different drs. regarding the HRT. I have a history of strokes, heart disease, and diabetes in my family. The drs. said it was too much of a risk, and believe me, I did everything I could to convince them otherwise. But they told me that a chance of a stroke was too great. My father and grandfather and grandmother all died from strokes. I also have high blood pressure, a heart murmur, severe acid reflux and am on a lot of other medications. It's so complicated.

But you know something? You hit on something I never thought about before. I have NEVER come to peace with myself about having that surgery. Never. I still feel that the choice was out of my hands, which is was. And it makes me so angry. I had fibroids that caused so much bleeding that I was severly anemic to the point where I couldn't even stand straight. And I'm mad at myself that my body would do that to me. I always thought that I'd go through a natural menopause. Never in my dreams did I ever think I'd need a hysterectomy. In fact, it was only 4 months between the time when I found out I needed one and then had one. And believe me, I fought it tooth and nail. But no other options worked. This sounds dumb, but I feel so much less a female because of it. I don't know why, but I do. I didn't realize I was still trying to come to grips with it until you mentioned it. My periods were always on time since I was 13, and I had yearly paps, like everyone does. I thought things were fine. Then just one month at 44 1/2 years I started my period a week early, and I just knew automatically that something was wrong. I started bleeding and it wouldn't stop. I also had blood clots and of course the anemia. It's like I can't forgive myself. I don't know why I feel this way. Any ideas? Anyone else feel this way? Sure, it's great not to have to deal with monthly pads. But I don't feel totally female anymore. And I don't know why.
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  #4  
Unread 02-11-2008, 05:35 PM
1 year anniversary coming up, anybody feel like this too?

your story is quite similar to mine. i,m wondering why they took out your ovaries? the dr. that did mine argued that i didnt need my ovaries or cervix because of my age. i managed to keep one ovary. i can have an orgasm but it is very hard to get to and takes a lot of rough stimulation now. i dont like the way i am now,,this is not the way i was supposed to be and i cried for about 6 months after the surgery .i am trying to accept what has happened and go on with my life but i find it difficult .i find it harder and harder to remember what it was like to desire sex.i feel like i have been snorfledoodled, i had no idea before hand just how drastic the changes would be. my dr. sure did down play everything. i wish now that i could of been much more informed. my dr. now is not being very helpfull. maybe someday i will be happy i had this done but i dont think it will be any time soon,take care
  #5  
Unread 02-11-2008, 06:04 PM
1 year anniversary coming up, anybody feel like this too?

Luvs2Quilt!!!! :

I'm so excited to see you on this board again. We shared so many discussions together during our recovery period! I think of you often and wondered how you're doing.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so miserable. You've obviously come a long way though because this is the first time I remember you posting about being angry about having the surgery and feeling like less of a woman. I'm guessing that now that you're recognizing those feelings that you're going to be feeling much better soon. Knowing the source of your feelings brings them to the frontline and you can break them down and deal with them.

Let me tell you something. I've always thought you were an amazing woman. You're strong and smart. You're kind, sensitive, and have a great sense of humor. We started talking before our surgery, and I promise you that after your surgery you didn't sound like any less of a woman to me. You were a great support to me when I had my abscess burst and subsequent ambulance ride. You were there for me when I had to have my dressings changed twice a day and dreading that those times had to start and end my days. You made me laugh and commiserated with me about our hot flashes in the middle of summer heatwaves. You understood and were the kind of friend only a woman can be. Today you're wiser and are discovering a different part of yourself you didn't know before. I know that doesn't make the way you're feeling right now any easier to swallow, but you're still wonderful.

Stick around and let's get through this frustration together. I'm here for you!

Big S!!!!
  #6  
Unread 02-13-2008, 11:15 PM
1 year anniversary coming up, anybody feel like this too?

Hello Tracy AKA GoodThoughts,

You dont know how good it is to be back here. It's like coming home again, to a special place with friends that I haven't heard from in a long time. I can't believe our one year anniversary is coming up. It only seems like yesterday that we were all wondering how things were going to turn out, and discussing our fears. Talking about things that are not normally talked about. I've missed everyone so much.

When I was going through my struggle of what to do, have a total hysterectomy or just the cervix and uterus, so many wonderful people gave me such good advice and helped me along the way. If I have helped repay that debt by helping someone else out, it makes me very happy to know that. I appreciate the kind words.

Well, life certainly has changed in the last year. It has taken me places that I never expected. I have to admit I was not prepared at all with going through surgical menopause without any HRT. I couldn't find a dr. who would prescribe it. They all said it was too dangerous. So needless to say, last summer was awful. The sweat would just pour down me, literally. But now, almost a year post op, the hot flashes have gone, only to be replaced with new feelings. I cry easy and get upset easily. I try to control it, but sometimes it controls me. My moods can be like a roller coaster. But I'm sure there is not a women on this board that can't relate to these feelings. I was given a vaginal estrogen cream because atrophy started setting in with no HRT. It helps, but it doesn't do much for my moods. I just wish I was more prepared for what came afterwards than what came before. And yet again, everyone is different. We all heal differently.

The ironic part of the entire thing is that for 4 months I had to decide whether or not I wanted my ovaries out also. My decision was to have everything out, even though my ovaries were healthy, or so I thought. As it turned out, when they opened me up they found not only fibroids, but endometriosis all over the place, so my ovaries and everything else had to go anyway. Had I known beforehand, all that soul searching could have been speared. I did, however, keep my cervix. The drs. couldn't remove it, but then really didn't give me an explaination. So I will continue to need pap smears. Lucky me.

I can't honestly say the recovery was easy. It was anything but easy. Even at 4 months post op I was still pretty weak and taking iron pills. I think it was at the 7th month post op that I started to feel like myself again. We all heal at our own pace. My dr. said I'd feel great at 1 month post op. Well, I proved her wrong, didn't I. Even my primary care dr. told me that it takes at least a year to recover from major surgery. One month just isn't enough.

After all ths time, I'm coming to grips with what needed to be done, and why. I fought that hysterectomy tooth and nail, until there wasn't any choices left. I'm angry because I didn't have a choice, but realize that I am the same person I always was. Nothing can change that. It did, however, relieve me of that horrible PMS. But it did change my sex life. And not for the better.

I did find out, as Tracy so graciously put it, just how strong I can be when I have to. I thought I would end up getting too scared to go through the surgery, but I did. I made it. And it was the first time I've ever spent time in a hospital. So now I know I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought possible. And I appreciate it being pointed out to me. It makes me feel so much better.

I still think of everyone. Our little group. Our talks about everything. I guess we just wandered apart as we got better and went back to our old lives, but I never forget the kindness that was given to me. And I never will.

Christmas time was difficult. That's about when my boyfriend decided to leave. Just up and left. No warning. It hurts, but I know he wasn't worth it. I deserve better. All I got was broken promises. Men can be so cruel and say such hurtful things. And they will never understand what we women go through, ever.

I'd like to continue to keep in touch with everyone. Here is my private email address. It's [email protected]. Everyone, please feel free to email me at anytime. I'd love to hear from you all. I really would. I'm curious as to how everyone is doing now. And Tracy, thanks again so much for the kind words. I'm glad I could be there for you when you needed someone. Just like so many were there for me when I had questions and problems.

HUGS!!!! And keep in touch. I won't be a stranger to this board anymore. It feels so good to be home again.

Robin
  #7  
Unread 02-15-2008, 07:43 AM
1 year anniversary coming up, anybody feel like this too?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by arlettafrontain
your story is quite similar to mine. i,m wondering why they took out your ovaries? the dr. that did mine argued that i didnt need my ovaries or cervix because of my age. i managed to keep one ovary. i can have an orgasm but it is very hard to get to and takes a lot of rough stimulation now. i dont like the way i am now,,this is not the way i was supposed to be and i cried for about 6 months after the surgery .i am trying to accept what has happened and go on with my life but i find it difficult .i find it harder and harder to remember what it was like to desire sex.i feel like i have been snorfledoodled, i had no idea before hand just how drastic the changes would be. my dr. sure did down play everything. i wish now that i could of been much more informed. my dr. now is not being very helpfull. maybe someday i will be happy i had this done but i dont think it will be any time soon,take care

I had orginally planned to have everything out because my dr. kept on talking to be about the possibilities of ovarian cancer. When I went into surgery, all the drs. knew was that I had a a large fibroid that kept on causing bleeding. And I just figured that when the drs. were in there, they should just take everything. Well, it turned out I had endometriosis and everything had to come out anyway, because ovaries feed endometriosis and I had been having extremely painful periods. But now I have no desire for sex at all. I think about sometimes and I have a boyfriend so I go through the motions, but I don't have an orgasm. Sex doesn't turn me on anymore at all. It's more of a chore than anything else, sad to say. The drs. never told me this would happen. I want so much to enjoy it, but I don't. I just have to pretend when I'm with my boyfriend. It's so frustrating. I want to enjoy it, but I just can't. Even with rough stimulation, nothing happens. It would have been nice had the drs. clued me in on how I'd feel afterwards. I imagine it will always be like this now.
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