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New and scared about return to intimacy New and scared about return to intimacy

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Unread 02-11-2008, 05:52 AM
New and scared about return to intimacy

I have many question I had a my hysterectomy Jan 8. Is it unusual to feel scared to have sex after 6 weeks, the first time. Also my husband seems to want to stay away, I think he feels he is going to break me or something, that makes me feel left out and hurt, is something wrong with me?
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Unread 02-11-2008, 07:19 AM
New and scared about return to intimacy

Hi PamelaPoo
Welcome to Hystersisters! I don't think it's unusual at all to feel afraid of that first time. Because of the nature of our surgeries and the pain and tenderness we've experienced, most of us are at least a little concerned.
I see you're just about to your fifth week. I think you'll be amazed how much you'll heal in the next few weeks, but just because the dr gives the ok, it doens't mean you have to do anything until you're ready in your head too.

A lot of men, my dh included have a fear of hurting their wives after surgery. I think it's sweet. Talk to him and let him know when you feel ready. Reassure him and let him ask questions if he needs to. It will work out. There is a Post op Sex Checkpoint that has some helpful information on this topic.

I hope your recovery is going smoothly. We'll be glad to help with your questions. It's good to have you join us.
's, Rita
Unread 02-11-2008, 08:13 AM
New and scared about return to intimacy

I am 8 weeks after TAH. I have a wonderful loving husband, who has been my support for the almost 22 years we have been together. He is my hubby, dad to our 2 daughters, my best friend, my lover, my whole live {along with my girls}. He went to almost all doctor visits with me and he ask questions. My gyno listened and talked to both of us. I decieded on to use HRT yet. My doc assured me if I was having any questions or problems to come back & see him. All I can say is talk to each other and listen to each other. You are each others support. Lean on one another.

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Unread 02-13-2008, 11:05 PM
New and scared about return to intimacy

I had my hysterectomy on 1-08-08 also! I am so nervous about having sex again you would think I was a virgin, I am looking forward to it though but hope it is not a huge disappointment. It is nice to know I am not alone, I hope things go well for you!
Unread 02-14-2008, 08:56 AM
New and scared about return to intimacy

I am worried too. I think I am more worried about the rectal repairs (done thru vagina) than the hysterecomy. That is what has seemed to cause me the most pain durning recovery. Before surgery, I felt alot of pressure on my back durning intercouse. I am also worried about how the big o will feel. Sex has always been hard for me ( I was molested as a child) and I am afraid if I don't feel the same it will make things harder for DH and me. I had a rather steamy dream about him and it woke me up, it felt painful. I don't know, I guess this is my biggest worry that things will be worse for us in that area. I have been fine with my decission to have this surgery, I have only had minor problems thru recovery, not emotional except for one day (when it was time for my period), I don't feel any different except for being sore so I guess I am waiting for the other shoe to drop! and I am afraid this will be it. Sorry for rambling on.

Unread 02-14-2008, 09:33 AM
New and scared about return to intimacy

My doctor cleared us for sex at four weeks, I waited eight. I was terrified and so was my DH. We were so scared, LOL!, the first time we had Astroglide everywhere and mainly just laughed. It's gotten much better! It is very normal to be afraid and men do not express fear well. They also take ques from our attitides about our bodies (at least mine does). I refused to feel ugly with this huge scar on my belly. I am big and beautiful, I got a big scar, let's have sex! My attitude helped him get over any fear he had. Take things slow, we have to learn about our bodies again, and try to have fun doing it.

Laughter, it does a body and soul good,

Unread 02-14-2008, 11:07 AM
New and scared about return to intimacy

I was released yesterday but I am too scared. I told my husband that I was cleared but I was not sure about it. He said well then I better buy him something real nice for Valentine's day. I told him I would look but did not know if I could find one that would only charge by the half hour, since an hour would be a waste of money. His reply, just wait till your ready and I will break my record of 35 minutes.

Just talk or joke your way through it as my husband I have done for 25 years.
Unread 02-14-2008, 12:48 PM
New and scared about return to intimacy

I don't think it is unusual at all to feel scared. When you are cleared and are ready, take it at your own pace. Let your husband know when you are ready and tell him that if you feel any discomfort you will let him know. My first time I was very scared, but it wasn't bad at all. It didn't hurt, just a little sore after. I experienced some dryness the first time, so having a lubricant handy might be a good idea. Good luck and I think you will find that it will be o.k.
Unread 02-15-2008, 05:51 PM
IMHO...Sex is great after hysterectomy.

Originally Posted by PAMELAPOO
I have many question I had a my hysterectomy Jan 8. Is it unusual to feel scared to have sex after 6 weeks, the first time. Also my husband seems to want to stay away, I think he feels he is going to break me or something, that makes me feel left out and hurt, is something wrong with me?

I was cleared for sex on Momday. Finally had sex since my hysterectomy 4 weeks ago. And ya know what...I was so scared that I wouldn't enjoy sex and that I wouldn't be able to have an orgasm. And guess what?... I was worried for nothing! I had no pain, no bleeding/spotting and I had an orgasm just like I used to. Nothing has changed.
My husband seemed distant while I was recovering too. Men dont' know how to handle us being in that vulnerable state. And they like to fix everything and they can't speed up our healing process (physically). Talk openly with your hubby about how you are feeling and ask him how he is feeling. Talk about each others needs and expectations concerning intimacy. Take sex slow and easy; when your doctor gives you the okay. No swinging from the light fixtures for awhile! We all heal at a different pace. I really didn't expect things to go so smoothly the first couple of times...but I'm glad it did. Best wishes for you and your hubby.
Unread 02-15-2008, 11:47 PM
New and scared about return to intimacy

I'm terrified of the idea of being intimate with my DH again. My DR has said to wait until six weeks but I'm probably going to wait longer. DH will just have to grin and bear it

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