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question for the single ladies- sexual question for the single ladies- sexual

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Unread 02-13-2008, 11:05 AM
question for the single ladies- sexual

Had a TVH on 1/31.
OK, this is a little embarrassing but if you cannot ask here and at the Drs office where can you go?I have my 2 week appt on Friday and plan to ask the Dr about this too but I want your thoughts and opinions.

I plan to ask about masturbation during the healing period, I know that nothing can go "in" but I wonder about what you can do on the outside. Will an orgasm cause problems with the stitches, etc? I am single so there is not really anyone else I can work through this with which leads to my next question for post op single ladies...

When you were cleared for intercourse and no one was around to "start slow" with, what did you do? I know it is really personal but I just have no concept of how things will be when it is ok to try. I do not want to wait for the if and when I begin serious dating to be the first time that I see "how everything is working".

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Unread 02-13-2008, 11:32 AM
question for the single ladies- sexual

This is definitely about the only place for a discussion like this

On a serious note, I'm just over 2 weeks post-op and I guess all my hormones lined up right 'cause I had a dream that put me over the edge a couple of nights ago It didn't cause any pain or bleeding so I don't think it was a problem, not that I could have stopped it. I tend to think, if anything, it would help healing by increasing circulation I have a lot of stitches from an anterior repair too.

As for the other part, if it were me, I'd do some discrete Internet shopping ( start by finding a site that won't release your info for all the twisted companies to start bombarding you with embarrassing mail.) You definitely don't want to do your first experiments in a new situation
Unread 02-13-2008, 12:50 PM
question for the single ladies- sexual

Hi Ms Anne -

Well, as far as the second question goes - I have the same concerns. At the moment I have an ex-boyfriend who just moved to my area, and we are still very close friends. I trust him completely and I have recruited him to be my guinea pig, unless he is dating someone else at the time. I am not sure at this point if he thinks I am joking, but I'll work on it over the next few weeks.

If he is not available, then I have no idea. I agree - it will be difficult to have the first time coincide with a new relationship. But aside from Steve, there isn't anyone else that i would trust, and until i get into a new relationship, I guess it will just be a waiting game, and hope to find someone understanding, patient, and gentle. And hopefully also want to be with me for more reasons than s-e-x :-)

Sigh.... i think that us ladies are so under-appreciated for all the drama we have to go through....
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Unread 02-13-2008, 04:58 PM
question for the single ladies- sexual

I was wondering about question number one myself. This question is not just for you single woman out there. I'm married and I want to know. I asked my Doctor so many sex questions because I was concerned about having my cervix out and how it would effect my sex life that I was too embarrassed to ask about outside stimulation. I'm also two weeks out but my post op isn't for another two weeks. I wait with baited breath for your post op appointment. Please keep us posted.
Unread 02-13-2008, 07:09 PM
question for the single ladies- sexual

I'm just over a week since my surgery and was so worried that everything wouldn't work the same. A few days ago I had some very intense feelings "there" and wanted to have an orgasm. My husband was worried that just that might hurt internal stitches so we called the doctor. I was told that nothing can be inserted, but orgasm is fine. And even though I am married, toys are still in the game. We plan on trying those first before real "sex."
Unread 02-13-2008, 07:30 PM
question for the single ladies- sexual

I am married and didn't ask my docotr .......three times by myself in one week and I am fine. GO FOR IT!
Unread 02-13-2008, 07:32 PM
question for the single ladies- sexual

ms. anne,

I'm single too and I have not had s-e-x in............................................................................................. my choice really, as I would not have even considered it because so many years have passed and i've had a few 'close calls' but nothing ever materialized. in 1990 I had a Laporotomy for a large ovarian cyst, unlike now back then women were cut open with a bikini insicion near the top of the pubic area, mine was about 4" across, being that it did not involve my vagina and I was sexually active with this loser I was dating I had sex 2 wks post op and felt more fatigued than anything.
Now, here I am nearing 47 yrs of age, no gray hair and i'm told I look younger and SINCE my surgery on 1-31-08 I too feel just a tad bit, umm.. amourous? (I hate the the term *****) I think as women what we need and desire after a loss like this, which indeed IS a loss, is to be held, cuddled, caressed, a gentle back rub and to feel in control of it as well.
sadly enough for me, this has been the story of my life.
and I am really trying to keep my wits up as i'm not promiscuous. I did ask the female gyn that was covering for my doctor one day about sex and if a man would be able to tell that i'd had this surgery, she firmly shook her head and said no!. I also had a vaginal vault suspension and believe me!, I question why??, over the last decade, i've not even put a tampon in 'there' and yet, it sagged?

I guess for me, i'm dealing with abit of anger as well and now here I am! a 46 yo BORN AGAIN VIRGIN
Unread 02-13-2008, 07:36 PM
question for the single ladies- sexual

I asked my doctor about this before my surgery (your first question). He told me no intercourse for 6 weeks, but anything else is completely fine anytime after surgery.... he said, "go have fun, whenever it's comfortable for you." :-)

I'm 9 days post-op, and haven't tried anything yet only because I'm still having a lot of pain issues. But, I have started thinking about it, and I'm thinking I won't go much longer before something happens. :-) I know my husband will be very happy to assist! ;-)

I do know for a fact I will not be waiting 6 weeks for non-intercouse things.... I am married, but I think this topic is very valid for married women, too, and also something that a lot of women would not ask. So, kudos to you for asking!!! I'm sure a lot of women reading this will learn from it!

So, have FUN! :-) Definitely don't wait 6 weeks for "outercourse" if you are ready sooner!
Unread 02-13-2008, 08:05 PM
question for the single ladies- sexual

Definitely don't wait 6 weeks for "outercourse" if you are ready sooner!
It can't be stressed enough how important it is for each of us to call our own doctors to get this clearance. As Sisters we can't say when it is okay to resume any type of sexual activity based on what our doctor has said or based on our own experience, with or without the doctor's okay. We are unique individuals who have had different types of surgery and who recover at different rates.

Here's some good information to review that will help everyone understand the importance of waiting for the doctor's clearance:

Sex - Do I Really Have to Wait Six Weeks?

Sex - Post-Op Libido and Sexual Activities

Post-Op Sex Checkpoint

(((ms.anne))), kudos to you for putting this on your list of questions for your doctor. It's a question that doctors hear all the time so there's no need to be shy or embarrassed about asking.

Best wishes as you all continue to heal!

Unread 02-13-2008, 08:24 PM
question for the single ladies- sexual

Thanks April Dawn! After i submitted that message, I realized I probably shouldn't have so boldly suggested that women start trying things when the are ready. Sorry about that.

I fully agree that we ALL need to consult our doctors before anything we do that might be a gray area during our recovery. That is exactly why I specifically asked my doctor this question at my pre-op. I just wanted to make sure it was OK for me. But, you're completely right.... what is OK for me, according to my doctor, may not be OK for another one of you.

We only have one chance to heal correctly, so we need to make sure it's OK with our doctors first. :-)

Thank you for clarifying that!!

Take care!

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