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Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned! Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

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  #1  
Unread 02-13-2008, 09:52 PM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

I feel VERY strongly about this and if I am stepping out of line, please forgive me.

I have been single for quite sometime now, although I have children I tend to heed caution in mentioning them because I have consideration for those that do not.
I would like to ask the same consideration be made to those of us that whether by chance, fate, destiny... we are SINGLE women. although we have many similarities in our medical conditions, it IS differant for women who are single and facing something so tragic as the loss of our female organs and now learning to move forward with our futures.

A hysterectomy or any other type of female surgery is not about a man! period. it is about our bodies, not theirs!, and I personally remove myself from offering advice to the "married's" for that reason.

I do believe this board offers a place where women can write their dh's poems etc..
I pledge not to mention my children because THEY did not have this surgery, I did.

BTW, I also have a substantial physical disabilty (since birth) which is why I am so outspoken on not having people speak on behalf of MY BODY and/or the parts that have anomolies.

Stella

TLAVH/ TSO/ Vaginal vault suspension/bladder repair with mesh.
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  #2  
Unread 02-13-2008, 10:35 PM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

Stella,
Im sorry that what people talk about concerning their own personal lives is hurtful to you. I'm very guilty of mentioning my children, husband, family, and doctor without warning in the subject line...but like I am doing here, I am replying in the quick response and there is no subject line. Besides that, anything said is not said to be hurtful to others. I have even seen you post about your DS...(about him bringing you the pictures) and to be honest, some may have been hurt by that..weather it because they have no children, or maybe they didnt visit her, or whatever...but I know you didnt say it to be hurtful....Just as I know those who mention husbands dont do it to be hurtful to you or others...we do it because it is our life...our experience, and our message. I know that the person who you are most likely upset with is very very hurt thinking that she upset someone on the board. I dont think she should be, because she was just trying to be helpful, not hurtful.
Please understand that Im just trying to be helpful also when I say we all make mistakes, we all have every intention on here of being helpful not hurtful...and if there is ever any posts that hurt me for whatever reason, I just dont read them once I see where its going.

Here is an example....Yes, Im married...but I am having a lot of problems right now and I actually got teary when you wrote about your son bringing you the pictures of your surgery because 1) my daughter and grandson is 4 states away and not on great terms due to some things she did 2) My oldest is away at college and didnt come in for the surgery, and 3)my youngest and husband stayed exactly 10 minutes after I was in my room and I was all alone until I was picked up... but Instead of just being teary for myself, I was teary for you because you actually have a son with you and that made me feel good that you had someone there....so see, ANYTHING can be hurtful to someone else...I just try to be thankful for what I do havet in my life, and try to be happy for others that have what I dont.
Now, please only see this as a message of understanding. I do know that because this is a hysterectomy site...mention of children can be hurtful because with a hysterectomy goes the option of having them if you havent...but husbands? having a hysterectomy doesnt prevent that no more than it prevent you from having parents, friends, or doctors...see what Im saying.

I will try to watch what I say in the future but we are all here for support in our life pre and post op....
  #3  
Unread 02-13-2008, 11:21 PM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

Stella,
I personally don't feel that I should have to read everyone's profile before I answer a post to see if they are single or not. Everyone talks about their family one way or the other and it doesn't seem to affect many as far as I can tell.
To each their own..... but frankly what people say about their husbands, kids, in laws and friends is how they feel about their family and they should be able to say what they want in their posts.
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  #4  
Unread 02-13-2008, 11:42 PM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

Ooops I accidentally mentioned DH in a reply to one of Stella's posts. Sorry Stella I didn't know you felt this way. I had NO IDEA!!
  #5  
Unread 02-13-2008, 11:42 PM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

The "marrieds"? I don't deserve advice about my medical condition b/c I'm married? (Good, bad or indifferent?)
This is such a loving, supportive site and I don't know where I'd be without the warmth and friendship shown to me thru the wonderful women here.
The reason we take caution in mentioning children is b/c so many women have had that priveledge taken away from them and it is out of respect and concern. What a huge loss to grieve to never be able to conceive/deliver a child.
I am so glad that this site gives us the opportunity to share about the others in our lives including our husbands who for many were a big help for them during their surgeries and after. And it also gives us a place to gripe too for those of us who weren't so lucky.
I do agree that it is most difficult to undergo such a life changing surgery without a significant other. The beauty of this website though is that is has the ability to bring those of us together who are in that same situation. Many, many women here have undergone hysterectomy without husbands, significant others, etc.. It can truly be a scary time.
You sound like a very strong woman who has the ability to make it thru just about anything. Wishing you a continued restful recovery and all the best that goes with it.
I do agree with the others posting above. Only the best intentions were given and we should feel free to discuss those important to us while here.
  #6  
Unread 02-14-2008, 12:09 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

I personally have no issues with anyones post about their families, as I have mine, and they have theirs. I also don't really see an issue with people mentioning children and not putting it in the title. This site brings women together that have had a Hysterectomy. Please expect that every Sister here has a different story. Despite marital status, or being able to have children. I do understand the hurt that not being able to have children could bring by reading about them here. I am also a realist, and know that my life is not identical to someone elses.
I am sorry that you have a problem with "hubbies" being mentioned. My DH has been a part of my surgery/recovery. We were not able to have children together, but he has been my Sons "dad" for 12 yrs. I don't mind reading posts from Sisters that don't put "child mentioned" in the title. What about those that don't have Moms, Dads, etc, etc,?
Maybe you should ask one of the moderaters if there could be a Forum for the single sisters.

Best Wishes
  #7  
Unread 02-14-2008, 01:24 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

Ok, I'm gay and I've lived with my partner for 11 years and we have a child together. I'm not offended by anyone's posts about husbands, children, etc. We are all people, all women, our lives are all different but the one thing we all have in common is our hysterectomy.
  #8  
Unread 02-14-2008, 03:04 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

kalamario:
You and I had surgery on the same day... How are you doing..Mine was abdominal, and this week has not been good.. The first week was much better... I actually went out for lunch with a friend but this week I am sleeping more and taking pain pills again.
  #9  
Unread 02-14-2008, 03:26 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

Patti O,
Mine was also abdominal, everything out including the ovaries. Also removed some endometriosis which was causing other organs to stick to each other. I spend one week in the hospital which was great, lots of rest, lots of care and no ability to overstress, I felt great there despite not being able to sleep on my side. My first week home is a bit harder. First of all, my little girl needs some attention and even though she is great about not touching mama's tummy she also gets frustrated that I can't jump and run around as much as I used to.
I think we have to do what our bodies tell us. Mine also says sleep more, and I have been trying to do that. I find that walking helps.....not standing in one place....but actually walking. Two days ago I took a walk around the block and even though it wasn't easy and it tired my out it was still good to get some exercise and fresh air. Unfortunatly today and yesterday were too cold so I had to resort to pacing through the living room.
Part of it I think, if you are anything like me, is that you haven't been stationary for much of your life and you want to rebel against it. Resist that temptation to do too much too soon, or you won't heal correctly.
By the way I'm also feeling some twinges of pain here and there, that I didn't have last week.....but I think it's all part of the healing process. No worries, one step back but maybe next week two steps forward.
Hang in there, I'm right there with you
  #10  
Unread 02-14-2008, 06:13 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

I read Stells's post last night and then I went to bed. I prayed about it prior to going to sleep because I wanted to respond, but I wasn't sure what to say.

I'll start with the fact that we may all unintentionally offend others. I know that I have numerous posts where I just start praying - because that is who I am. I'm sure that there are sisters who read them and think that I am some sort of religious nut and get offended. When I first started posting prayers, I would either preface or post script them with a note saying that this was not to offend. And then I thought, this is who I am and I can't keep apologizing about my faith.

I then thought - quite honestly - that there are things on here that COULD offend me, but I know that these women that post are being themselves and celebrating what is good in there life.

Let me be specific. I am a 42 year old, single woman who - by CHOICE - am a virgin.

Do I get offended when there is a post about sex - no - I just read and say - can't respond to that because I am clueless in that area.

I read posts about husbands - good, bad, or indifferent - and I say 1) there are some good guys out there or 2) that's why I am still single or 3)I pray that that situation improves.

Now, the hot button is children. Do I get offended by posts that reference them - NOPE. Why? Because even though I have not given birth to any children - I have dozens. I have been in Children and Youth Ministry for over 20 years. I have had people ask me if I have children and if I say no - in the presnese of some of these great kids who are currently in my ministry or are now adults who came through that ministry - they freak out. They immediately answer YES SHE DOES. But more important than that I have 4 GOD-duaghters. Two of them are so close to me, that people that see us together - which is all the time - they believe them to be mine. They call me ma, their friends do the same. I take them to appointments with the and orthodontist. The schools know me as their parent. I am fulfilled in that area. I don't talk about it much on here (although I know that I have mentioned them) because I know that many people would find this close relationship offensive - because they may feel that I am intruding on their birth mother's territory. This is my life. It works for us, but I would not want to offend ladies who don't have this closeness with children that they have actually given birth to.

  Quote:
Originally Posted by LuvMyABs
Maybe you should ask one of the moderaters if there could be a Forum for the single sisters.

Best Wishes
Would a forum for single sisters help? Maybe, but just because we are single doesn't mean that we may not be offended by some other aspect of a single sisters post - like talk of sex. I guess I am not easily offended and so I find the setup perfect the way it is. When I get to something that I can't relatate to, I move on.

Is my advice about a TAH invalid because I don't have a husband or children? I don't think so. Is my advice about husbands worthless - indeed so. I won't touch the children part because I know that people believe that you have to give birth to them and 24/7 with them to be able to comment there. I'm just happy that the people at my church and in my social circle do not agree.

As I climb down off my I will say this - I don't think that anyone posts with the intention of offending. We are who we are and we bring with us our lives, experiences, and opinions. I pray that as we continue to support one another through our surgeries (after all - that's why I came here in the first place). And that we can do it in the spirit that it was originally intended.

Blessings on you .....
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