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Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned! Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

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Unread 02-14-2008, 07:34 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

I can appreciate your situation and opinion concerning this subject. We are a huge sisterhood of women from all walks of life and we all need to be sensitive to each other's needs. In asking for and offering support there are all sorts of needs as seen in specific titles calling out to different professions or situations that occur during our recoveries.

I think it's wise for us to consider if we have anything in common with the situation of the woman posting as the original poster of the thread. If there is no dh mentioned by the original poster of the tread, there is probably no reason to mention one in our reply. The same is true of children. Our TOS specifically ask that we all be sensitive to the particular needs of the many women who come here who cannot have children. This is a need we feel is specific and far reaching. This is why we ask our members to be cautious with their comments about their children and when children are mentioned in a post, we will usually give some type of warning in the title for those who want to pass those by.

Part of what is so wonderful about a support site like this is that there are so many women, you can usually find someone who relates to your situation. It isn't practical to provide a special forum for every situation, but we do strive to promote an atmosphere of safety for all members to post and reply and not be hurt by that exchange. I hope you mentioning your own struggle here will help us all be more sensitive to this issue.
's, Rita
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Unread 02-14-2008, 07:34 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

HRHrey, that was beautiful, thank you for sharing about yourself. You sound like a very special person who celebrates life. To the rest of you wonderful sisters that responded to this post, way to go, your words were beautiful and were healing for all. Stellacat, this forum allows us to vent, but our vents are personal and as the others have said, it's not ment to offend. On my first ever post, I was told that basically I was a nut and needed depression meds and I would feel better. I didn't feel validated and I was hurt, but these people didn't know me and there was not an intent to hurt my feelings. I pray that you have peace in your heart and realize we all mean the best for each other.
Unread 02-14-2008, 07:37 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

I am sorry but married or not - this is a life-changing ordeal for ALL who go through it. If someone has an issue that I can chime in on (married or not, my particular surgery or not, etc.) I try to help or lend support. Of course, I do not reply to all posts but never because they are not 'like' me...only if I just do not know what to say.

I think none of us intend to offend by mentioning children or a DH. We just want to get all the facts out there when we are posting. Maybe it will help someone to answer the questions.

I will continue to support all of matter what. Please be kind and respectful that we are all different, sure, but we do have one thing in common or we would not be here at HysterSisters...

((STELLA)) I am sorry that you are having a bad time right now, this too shall pass.
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Unread 02-14-2008, 07:37 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

Originally Posted by LuvMyABs
Maybe you should ask one of the moderaters if there could be a Forum for the single sisters.

Best Wishes
For anyone interested, we do have a thread for our single sisters in our Club House forums:
Unread 02-14-2008, 07:41 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

I like the things you say Renee. I believe that we all have very significant things in our lives that make us different, and yes, there are some women who are dealing with WAY more emotional difficulties than others when recovering from this surgery. We all just need to really think hard, and have some compassion, when deciding to mention spouses, partners, parents, and children. Otherwise just try to steer clear out of respect for those who are going through this truly alone. I think that in a small way this group can become our family and provide REAL support and caring through the wonders of the internet. I know it has made me stronger during this process.

Me - well, I just try to keep level with it all. When i read about how worried someone is about having sex with their DH for the first time after this, my first thought might be "does she have any idea how lucky she is to even have a DH?", but then realize that it IS a legitimate concern, and if I were in those shoes I would want some support too!!!

This is an amazing site, and even though there have been some threads and posts that tug at my heart, overall it has been a GODSEND in helping keep my spirits up and speed my recovery (both mentally and physically).

So I'd just like to say thank you to everyone, from the bottom of my heart. I wish so much that we could all get together and give each other those huge hugs that would feel so nice right now.
Unread 02-14-2008, 08:19 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

I would just like to say a few things. I read this post last night, and I was really bothered by it. After thinking about it for awhile, I've decided that I need to get a couple things off my chest.

When I was told that I had to have a hysterectomy, I was very upset. The first thing I did, was get online to educate myself. The first website I came upon was this one right here. I was so blessed to have found such a great group of women. Single, husband, partner, children, no children, dog, cat......whatever, you all have a place in my life and my decisions. I cherish each and every reply, whether I agree with them or not. Just the fact that I have a place to come to when I'm worried, scared, or just need to vent, I know you are all there for me, as I am for you.

I had my hysterectomy due to major prolapse. Does that mean that I don't want to hear from someone with endo? No, of course not. WE are all different here. Not because some are married and some are single. We are all different, because that is what the Lord made us. Am I worried that that last sentence may have offended someone? No. I didn't say it to offend anyone. I said it because that's what I believe, and that may be how I am different from someone else.

I would hope that, just because I am married, that I wouldn't be passed up as far as advice would go. I would hope that if anyone had advice for me, that they would speak up, even if I am different from them.

I feel I was too young to have a hysterectomy. Some of the women on here may not be able to relate to my feelings about it, because they are 10, 20, 30 years older than me. I still want to hear from them no matter how old they are.

I understand that some are more emotionally affected by some of the posts on here. Nothing is written to personally attack or offend anyone. Things are posted because WE have questions, concerns, fears, that we need help with. If we start separating into "groups", where does that leave us? One for single. One for husbands. One for partners. One for kids. Then we need to separate those by age. 20's, 30's, 40's, etc.

I just hope for all of our sakes, that we can go on helping one another with open minds. We are all different, and it's nobody's fault.

I love this site, and I love all of you for being there for me when I've needed you most, and for continuing to be there for me when I need you next.
Unread 02-14-2008, 08:22 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

I think it would just be way to hard to caution everyone of anything that might offend someone. We are all very different and have different views and opinons. It is to hard to reply and be honest if you are second guessing everything you say. I am not saying we shouldn't consider others feelings but you do need to feel free to discuss things. I have kids and a husband, I don't get offended by those who don't for what ever their reasons are. I often will say that I will pray for someone, I don't know if they will find it offensive. I hope not, it only meant with concern for another. I am a Christian, that is a big part of me as are my family. I have friends of different faiths and when they offer support or prayers I am glad that they care. It is the same with people talking about their families. They are sharing something that is important and personal about themselves and don't need to feel scolded about it. This is just life. Our families ARE apart of this, they are affected and if someone has a concern or question they should ask. Many of us are glad to try and help. Some times we may have a hard day and not answer as we normally would (I know I have!) but is that a part of our journey? I know those are times I might need more suport than others. You just can't expect people to cut out the biggest parts of their lives - be it good or bad. You can't control who you see walking down the street, at the store, or even here. If the threat is not something you are comfortable with, that is what the back button is for. That is what I do. I try not to be offended by what people say here. You can't here the way they say it or see their faces. Something that sounds fine to many people may offend some one having a bad day. If have have ever offended anyone here I am so very sorry, I wouldn't do it on purpose and that is how I try to think of others.

Unread 02-14-2008, 11:21 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!


I have to play the Devil's advocate here. Your post says you "pledge not to mention my children here" but you actually DID!

Your children are very much a real part of your life and your hyster experience just as our children, husbands, parents and siblings, pets and friends are a very real part of our lives and hyster experiences.

Looking at the whole hyster experience from about 5.5 months out, I personally think you are being a bit too sensitive and perhaps in a few weeks or months you'll realize that you have been a bit hard on others of us here.

This is an amazing resource and I fear that people will not feel the freedom to come and explore, vent, learn and share if they are always afraid of stepping on toes.

Common sense is the key and I think we are probably all old enough and wise enough to not intentionally hurt others' feelings. This is a wellness forum, after all.

Best wishes to you all for a speedy, uneventful recovery!
Unread 02-14-2008, 11:59 AM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

I was never able to get pregnant and give birth to my own child. I had to make peace with that early in life, there was no choice in the matter. Instead of avoiding children and their parents, I embraced them! And was blessed! I have wonderful relationships with many of my friends children, neices and nephews, and my DAS, whom I adopted and raised since the age of two (DH's child). I did not marry until I was 28. I made the choice to be on the inside instead of on the outside looking in, disregarding all the wonderful people around me.

This is a valnerable time. I hope you can find comfort and peace here as I have from every one of these lovely ladies.

Unread 02-14-2008, 12:38 PM
Moving forward *warning* hubbies mentioned!

All I have to say after that is AMEN... You put everyone's words into a graceful, thoughtful, and just overall great letter... thank you for saying what most of us think about this wonderful, informative, enlightening web site

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