Well-Meaning Friends | HysterSisters
HysterSisters Hysterectomy Support and Information
Advertising Info HysterSisters Hysterectomy Support Tutorial

Go Back   Hysterectomy HysterSisters > Hysterectomy Special Needs > Cancer Concerns - GYN


HysterSisters.com is a massive online community with over 475,000 members and over 5 million posts.

Our community is filled with women who have been through the Hysterectomy experience providing both advice and support from our active members and moderators.

HysterSisters.com is located at 111 Peter St, Toronto, Canada, M5V2H1 and is part of the VerticalScope network of websites.

With free registration, you can ask and answer questions in our HYSTERECTOMY forum community, get our FREE BOOKLET, access Hysterectomy Checkpoints and more.

You are not alone. The HysterSisters are here for you. Join us today!
join HysterSisters for hysterectomy resources and support
Reply

Well-Meaning Friends Well-Meaning Friends

Thread Tools
  #1  
Unread 02-14-2008, 08:09 AM
Well-Meaning Friends

I was wondering if any of you had friends that told you that they had gone thru the same thing you are. I recently had a discussion with a lady that had told my husband she had endometrial cancer and had a hyst. 20+ years ago and was fine. When I had my staging upgraded after the hyst., I called to ask for advice. She told me hers was a pre-cancer and on further questioning, it sounded more like endometriosis instead of end. cancer. I don't know if they feel like they are helping or what, but this is the 3rd person I have talked with and No, they can't understand what we are dealing with aside from the hyst. itself. I don't even know how to respond when I find out the actual circumstances.. Thanks for listening.
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #2  
Unread 02-14-2008, 08:26 AM
Well-Meaning Friends

I had this a lot when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer - I decided to take all the "advice" with good grace because it was meant well by people who wanted to help and reassure. What I did do was thank them and explain that my circumstances were a little different but that their help was appreciated.

You're right - they don't know exactly how you feel but they are trying to reach out to you, even though it might be the wrong way of doing so. And some of those people were fabulous through my treatment and very supportive once they realised what was really going on.

Cancer is a funny thing - there are so many negatives, but a good friend who had breast cancer before I was diagnosed said that she found many silver linings, and she was right I've made some wonderful friendships and strengthed others throughout my journey.



Z x
  #3  
Unread 02-14-2008, 09:20 AM
Well-Meaning Friends

GoLightlyCat:
I understand what you are saying about friends... I do take the advice given... it is just sometimes like I feel that they are saying it is not a problem and that you'll get thru it with flying colors.. with no long term consequences. Just venting..
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #4  
Unread 02-14-2008, 11:01 AM
Well-Meaning Friends

My case has often been family or friends commenting that someone they know or so and so from such and such has the same diagnosis and is doing fine. Like Golightly with these instances of indirect contact they are unaware of details and often are trying to calm their own fears more so than mine. I find it is these same individuals who don't 'hear' when I try to be explicit about my state of affairs to keep them informed. And they will be the ones later on who say, "I didn't understand". That's OK. I am doing everything I can to keep communication flowing and I appreciate their attempts to encourage. I also find they often confuse gynie cancers as well as stages. But then I probably did previous to my own personal experience as well. To many cancer is cancer, to some gynie cancer is like any other gynie cancer and oh we know how very different they can be.

Press on and keep a good attitude. Accept that they in some way are really trying to be considerate and don't stress yourself about the inaccuracies. God bless.
  #5  
Unread 02-14-2008, 11:09 AM
Well-Meaning Friends

It can be difficult when people say they "know" how you are feeling and "all will be well" especially when you discover they in fact never had cancer. Often in trying to be very upbeat which they think will make us feel better, our friends do not understand the fears and uncertaintly this disease can strike in us. If a friend compares your situation with theirs in the past you can always mention things are different but you still may have them repeat "all will be fine" as of course that is what they sincerely wish for you.
s
  #6  
Unread 02-14-2008, 11:36 AM
Well-Meaning Friends

PattieO, well I have to be honest in that I have not had the experience you are having. In fact I have had almost the opposite. My 17 dd got a job that another lady wanted and when my best friend was trying to put it into perspective for her by saying "well, this is the only paycheck coming into the family and Debbie has cancer" the lady responded "Well, I have cancer too!" From what I can gather she had a lump in her breast, maybee. I decided then and there that I did not have the energy to spare getting into a peeing match with her about who has the worst cancer and so I have been ignoring her or praying for her, depending on the situation I am in at the time with her.

My friends that have been trying to be supportive have been telling me that they are praying for me and that they love me. The only friend that has come close to what I am going through had severe endometriosis and an elevated CA-125. They thought it MIGHT be cancer when in the end it wasn't. But she did understand the fear of not knowing and the waiting. And she has been wonderful helping me with that. I agree with what has been said before, I think that people need to personalize things in order to feel like they can give you comfort. And the fact that they want to comfort you is a blessing. Frustrating, but a blessing none-the-less. I hope things level out for you soon.
God bless you and yours
Deb
  #7  
Unread 02-14-2008, 01:59 PM
Well-Meaning Friends

Deb:
Thanks so much for your thoughts. I know most people are well intended.
And I am thankful for the wonderful support I am getting... Have you had surgery yet? I noticed there is no date under your profile...\
I love your name... where did that come from.?
Pattie
  #8  
Unread 02-14-2008, 05:45 PM
Well-Meaning Friends

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithfirst
Like Golightly with these instances . . . they are unaware of details and often are trying to calm their own fears more so than mine.
Faith makes a good point -- cancer is scary and people are sometimes desperate to "calm their own fears" by making ill-informed reassurances.

I'm sure we've all heard about friends of friends who were "dancing in the street" one week after their hysterectomy.

My sil, a br ca survivor, told me (twice) that both her oncologists told her that endometrial cancer is a "cakewalk." That upset me so much that I'm still telling the story two years later. I think it was meant to reassure me (or to reassure her since she takes tamoxifen which puts her at high risk for endo ca), but it really made me feel terrible.

On the other hand, in spite of their sometimes clumsy and frequently distressing attempts to say something helpful, those who came forward to offer assistance during the hard times gained my eternal gratitude. When the going gets tough, you really find out what your friends and family are made of.
  #9  
Unread 02-14-2008, 05:48 PM
Well-Meaning Friends

My sister in law was the one with the best comment when I told her I had been diagnosed with cancer. She said "I don't worry when someone says they have cancer because they can cure most of it nowadays" !!! I can't even remember what I said in reply to that, I was just stunned!

I had another "friend" who was supposed to come and visit me about four weeks after my op. She called the night before and said she couldn't come because she had people visiting at the weekend and that was the only day she had to do her housework. I didn't think that was the most tactful thing to say, after I had been sitting around having to rely on other people to clean my house (I did have some good people who helped out) she couldn't even spare an hour to come and see me. I didn't expect her to stay all day!

I don't know anyone who has been diagnosed with gyne cancer. I think that's one of the things I found quite difficult. I don't feel like anyone can identify with what I have been through - except, of course, friends I've made on the net.
  #10  
Unread 02-14-2008, 06:40 PM
Well-Meaning Friends

  Quote:
Originally Posted by PattieO
Deb:
Have you had surgery yet? I noticed there is no date under your profile...
Pattie: nope, I have not had my surgery yet. I have my first consult with my gyn/onc this coming Monday (2/18/08) barring any complication like Auntie Flo. We don't have a surgery date yet. I am hoping that it is very soon.


  Quote:
Originally Posted by PattieO
I love your name... where did that come from.?
Well, when I registered they said to not use any name that you are known by on any other board, so I didn't use the name Hears The Water, which is what I go by in the other message boards I go to. So... I had to come up with a new name and Bunny Tracks is my favorite ice cream and it is what I am craving right now as my comfort food, so it just seemed natural. One of my closest friends promised me that she would bring me Bunny Tracks ice cream in the hospital when the nurses said I could have it! She is such a good friend! LOL! Sorry for the thread hijack... I thought about starting another thread for this but since the OP is the one that asked me the questions, I hope it is OK that I answered them here.
God bless you and yours
Deb
Reply

booklet
Our Free Booklet
What 350,000 Women Know About Hysterectomy: Information, helpful hints as you prepare and recover from hysterectomy.
Answers to your questions
Register




Thread Tools

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
From This Forum From Other Forums
11 Replies, Last Reply 11-07-2009, Started By ccd39275
1 Reply, Last Reply 08-27-2009, Started By sarah_19
20 Replies, Last Reply 08-12-2008, Started By sadies
11 Replies, Last Reply 01-21-2008, Started By bon125
15 Replies, Last Reply 01-17-2006, Started By DiCoJones
7 Replies, Last Reply 11-14-2004, Started By Lady Dee Dee
5 Replies, Last Reply 07-28-2004, Started By jjgo6
6 Replies, Last Reply 12-12-2003, Started By Rosalie
18 Replies, Last Reply 06-10-2003, Started By MailOrderAnnie
31 Replies, Last Reply 09-05-2002, Started By margaret321
1 Reply, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
21 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
21 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
6 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
14 Replies, Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy)
2 Replies, Hysterectomy Recovery (post hysterectomy)
4 Replies, Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy)
7 Replies, Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy)
8 Replies, Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy)
24 Replies, Preparing for Hysterectomy (pre hysterectomy)



Advertisement

Hysterectomy News

November 29,2021

CURRENT NEWS

HysterSisters Takes On Partner To Manage Continued Growth And Longevity
I have news that is wonderful and exciting! This week’s migration wasn’t a typical migration - from one set ... News Archive

TODAY'S EVENTS

Calendar - Hysterectomies - Birthdays


Request Information


I am a HysterSister

HYSTERECTOMY STORIES

Featured Story - All Stories - Share Yours

FOLLOW US


Your Hysterectomy Date


CUSTOMIZE Your Browsing  


$vbulletin->featuredvideos is not an array!
Advertisement


Advertisement