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Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008 Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008

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  #601  
Unread 03-25-2008, 10:47 AM
Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008

yesterday i had some much energy and excitement about starting my new routine of walking every day. today i feel like crawling into bed and not doing anything........i know that depression is part of it but last night before all this started i told my dh that i felt like i was sore all over and just worn out. so today, i decided i won't walk and just hang out here. i just got a phone call about a golf tournament meeting i need to go to but i really don't want to go and face people and act like everything in my life is great when my sister's life is falling apart. i want to be with her and she won't let me go over.
anyway, this is suppose to be about my recovery so let me stick with that. i just feel sore all over and my belly is real sensitive on the right side and still very tender to the touch. its not tender on the left side so i don't know what that is about. anyway, i hope to recoop with some rest today (the meeting is at one if i go and it will probably last a an hour or so, so maybe it won't be too bad.). i will decide when it gets closer to the the time i guess.
well, ladies, sorry to hear some of us are taking a step back in this recovery thing but at least we are doing this together. lol! keeping you in my prayers
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  #602  
Unread 03-25-2008, 11:06 AM
Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008

Hi everyone,
What a sobering read this morning. Life is not always easy, is it. I've had some flashbacks to my childhood reading some of this, so I'll pass on my experiences as the child in this situation.
My biological father, who does not deserve to even be associated with me, deserted my mom when she was pregnant and went so far as to lie in court that his friends had been with my mom to avoid child support. Of course the blood test proved he was lying, but mom was never the same after realizing she had given her heart to such a man. He later moved out of the country to avoid paying $7/wk support (in the 1970's) and to avoid anyone knowing he had fathered me. Needless to say I have no desire to know him as he has shown he has no character. (This is the shortened story).
But the part of my childhood that applies here is about my stepfather who was married to mom and was there from 1 yr to 16. He was an alcoholic who beat my mom, but while sober was actually a good man. As the child in a violent home I lived in fear and still have traces of that fear in my life. Mom left when I was 16 and our life became peaceful immediately, even though we struggled financially, were even homeless a few months, I was much happier being homeless than in that nice home with a boat and violence.
What I hope, Marta, that you can take away from this to your sister is that sometimes trying to do things "for the children" ends up going in the wrong direction.
I believe your sister should ask her husband to go to counseling so they can learn how to parent their children apart. How can he refuse help for his children without looking like a total idiot? If he does, then his character is revealed and she will know she cannot expect the right thing from him. Painful as it might be, less contact with the children may be in their best interest until he can grow up and realize ALL of his actions affect his children.
I also believe your sister is showing her strength right now, good for her, and the fact she always put others ahead of herself is a lesson to all of us that we all need to take care of ourselves first. We are not second class and deserve to be treated with respect and lovingly. If we are not, then we should recognize that situation needs to change.
I am so sorry your sister has to go through this and Sylvia, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this,. just as I'm sorry my mom had to deal with so much.
But I can empathize most with the children. Know that the best thing you can do is reassure them this has nothing to do with them--it is not their fault in ANY way and that when their parent does something that doesn't seem "right", it likely isn't. Children grow up thinking what their parents do is the way they should pattern their life--imprinting and imitating is how we learn to socialize. Now is the time to clarify when not to imitate a parent.
And make sure they feel safe. These are very uncertain times for them, so ask her to hug them more and try to give them more attention even though you want time for yourself. Being with them more will probably help her heal and deal with things too.
I have forgiven my stepfather about 10 years ago. He doesn't know it because he is too ashamed of his actions to keep in touch with me, but I know that it is because of him and not me and I understand. Despite all his problems and terrible actions, I consider him my father because he did care for me and my mom, he was just not able to deal with his own demons so it was healthier for us all to separate.
Marta, your sensitivity and love for your sister is so helpful to your sister, I'm glad she has you.
Sylvia, you are an example of a good kind strong woman, I'm glad I met you here.

ok, I'm feeling much better today--that pain in my left side is gone and I slept the best I have so far--like a rock. Funny thing is a took 1/2 a vicodin yesterday afternoon so maybe that relaxed my body enough to let that thing heal up?
Kim
  #603  
Unread 03-25-2008, 11:37 AM
Hey Sisters!

Our slice of life together here proves we all deal with the trials of life be it parents, stepparents, kids and significant others, I too have a story...but have long accepted and adjusted my life to take care of me first. It is a hard lesson and a life changing lesson but takes tremendous strength and support to make it...we will all make it I am sure. Rely on you support team...and God to take care of our heavy burdens.

I feel recovered? I am outside today enjoying a clear sunny Florida day. I am a bit tired and feel some discomfort - but all seems OK.

Jett - You must feel your prayers have been heard as the treatment schedule is good news. You and I were the ones taking the next step in this diagnosis and we both are going to be OK! Good news travels fast.

I have been hearing from acquaintances that just heard "the news". Next week is Spring Break in our school and my partner is a school teacher so we are off to the Florida Keys for my final week of recovery. I am getting my superwomen cape out and ready for 4/7 return to work. My office is in Dayton NJ, so travel here we come again.

I smiled hearing we should all meet and I talk to my friends and family about my hystersisters - they think I am crazy being such a web junkie. But I can say this site is the comfort zone, and I visit to feel the sharing and love between us girls in our recovery journey. It has been an emotional journet for me.

I propose on our 6 week anniversary date, we all celebrate our support team and ourselves with a toast of thanks to God for all the blessings of life. I will be in the Keys watching the sunset toasting all of you.

Now my biggest job is to quit smoking and lose some weight and get back to fighting shape. I am confused on the HRTs and have read many opinions. Anyone been talking to a compounding pharmacy about Bio HRT? It is a saliva test and phamacists compund your Natural HRT therapy for you specifically. I work as a VP of Sales & Marketing for a pharmaceutical company and have pharmacists on staff and clinically no one has suggested anything but this as a good option. Just wanted a real life opinion if anyone is using BHRT's?

The sweats are getting worse during the daytime and night is just toss/turn/sweat/sleep, over and over. Yes my legs are still numb - but seem to be improving, the big O over the weekend was enjoyable, and scary - swelly belly is improved...all in all I wish I took advantage of this time more...I organized 15 years of photos shoved in an box and put into albums..that will take you down memory Lane...all is well here - thanks for being there every day.
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  #604  
Unread 03-25-2008, 12:22 PM
Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008

kim
thank you for sharing your past with me. i just talked to my pastor and told him that i am just at a loss trying to be the support she needs and to encourage her. a part of me wants to tell her to move on with her life and another part of me tells me that there is hope in reconcilation if God is involved because it was 10 years ago that God saved my marriage! my husband told me he did not love me anymore but that was satan playing his game ( i had just become a christian). there was no other woman involved there and my husband realized what he was losing and talked to my pastor at the time and my bil and sister who are christians. after several months he accepted Christ and our marriage was healed. we are more in love today than ever, so i know that there is hope in Christ. at the same time i know that if they are not trusting God and acting out in their own desires (which he is) that their marriage will be destroyed. my sister told me a while ago she wouldn't come to my house because if she did she might not go back and she is not putting her kids through that. i want to help her see that the children are already hurt by this.....he did this when he began a relationship with this other woman. i know that my daughter was scarred by my husband telling them at the age of 7 that he didn't love me and that he still loved them but that we couldn't live together anymore. several years ago we found out that she always remembers it as him telling her that he didn't love her anymore. she didn't want anything to do with him for several years no matter how much he tired. he wouldn't hug him back when he hugged her, she yelled at him and so forth. well, we finally figured it out when talking to her one day and she said what she thought had happened. its been a couple of years and she is so different to him now. she still has intimacy issues with him sometimes but its getting easier and easier with them. they spend time together and stuff. so, i know that they will recover from this if both parents make an effort to show them that its not their fault. i will recommend counseling. my bil thinks that he can tell her that even though he doesn't love her and wants to be with this other woman that he has integrity becasue he said he isn't leaving my sister for her. i had to tell my sister that it doesn't matter if he has been sexual or not with her, adultry is comitted in the heart and he has already comitted it. He cannot expect my sister to just let him go on as if nothing for the sake of the kids and them have a loveless marriage. i know my sister loves him with all her heart. its not fair for her or the kids. i told her the kids are very intuitive and will pick up that all is not well and that sometimes honesty is the best way to deal with this-they can't hide it and live together and build up resentment towards one another. i am praying that he would go to conseling and realize he made a mistake but i just don't think that will happen. he hasn't even told my sister he is sorry she found out or how she found out or anything. but he told her it wasn't fair to blindside the other woman when she wanted to call her. he said no, let me talk to her first, its not fair............that broke her heart. anyway, i am so sorry to be going on with this.......its just consuming my every thought. thanks for the help ladies, you mean the world to me.
blessings
  #605  
Unread 03-25-2008, 12:30 PM
Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008

so i have a question. i will admit that i haven't done a lot of research on HRT but does it hurt not to take any? like your physical body I mean. I seem to be doing great. hot flashes are far and few between the last 3 weeks and i really haven't had nightsweats either since about week 3, i guess. so, i am wondering when i go for my check up on april 7th, do i have to take the pills she is going to recommend or can i tell her that all is well and don't need it? any recommendations because i do want to in there prepared-i know sometimes docs prescribe stuff that you don't really need just because they normally do so or something like that. so, my question is is there a medical reason that my body needs HRT's?
thanks
  #606  
Unread 03-25-2008, 12:52 PM
Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008

Thanks so much Kim and you are so right, it really is all about the children. That was my motivation after years of hard times with my ex, I decided that I did not want my son to think this was the way a woman should be treated and did not want my daughter to think she should be treated like I was being treated. I know that I made the right choice, both of my children are fantastic young adults with good jobs, education, etc. They turned out ok, just like you did and I'm so blessed to have you in my life as well!

Mew, as you already know, this is a decision that only your sister can make. All you can do is pray for and be there for her, but don't worry, we will be there with you both (at least in prayer!). Don't forget that you are in recovery and you need to make sure that you take care of yourself, otherwise you will not have enough left over for your sister. My pastor always says that meekness is not weakness, your sister has what it takes to make the right decision. Be strong and of good courage, that's what she will need when she is ready. Know we are sending prayers of peace and love your way.

Fort, I agree with you about a 6 week celebration. My return to work day is 4/7 also, but I am going in for a meeting on Thursday. Enjoy your spring break!

Its a beautiful sunny but windy day here in Chicago and I just came in from my walk. I'm so grateful to feel the wind on my face and the strenghth to walk. Praying that all of you who are not able to get out yet will be able to do so soon. I'm still recovering from my busy weekend, so it's nap time for me in a few!

I hope that as time passes and we all get back to work and our "regular" lives we don't forget about one another. I hate to think about not sharing this journey with you all.

Take care and remember, the best is yet to come!
  #607  
Unread 03-25-2008, 01:07 PM
Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008

Hello sisters

I can relate to that idea of "I feel recovered?" from Fortlauderdale. I announced this morning that it is my 6 week anniversary and in reality it is 5 weeks! I guess that says something! The pressure to get back to work is on and I return next Monday so I guess that I have been a bit forced into thinking I'm better. The truth is, I'm great hanging around the house and all. I hope this translates into the same thing back at work next week. I'm really anxious about the return. I think that my sentiments are fed by the fact that I work in two schools and have daily contact with many people and I'm going to have to face them all.... best to live in the present I guess... no use creating situations in the future that don't exist. Such a waste of energy.

Fortlauderdale... I'll be toasting with you and everyone else next week on the anniversary of week six. It's great to hear that you are going to the Florida Keys! Sunshine and sand... so very theraputic! Although I have no insight into HRT, I wanted to suggest to you trying acupuncture to help you to quit smoking. I was a smoker for many years (not heavy but still) and I tried many different methods for smoking cessation but I'll tell you, I went to the acupuncturist for a smoking cessation session at the beginning of December and haven't touched a cig since! Not even in the company of smoking friends, wine and song! I was always one to smoke when confronted with "triggers" but the acupuncture just seemed to eliminate those psychological reactions and the physical ones as well. It is said that often an individual needs several sessions but it seemed to work for me from the get go. I have nonetheless, gone once a month for treatment just to make sure, and it has really worked for me. It also helps to have a smoke free house (this is truly important, especially if your partner is a smoker!) and to express to people that you'd rather they not smoke in your face.
Acupuncture is minimally invasive, doesn't require you to introduce anything foreign into your already fragile system (I'm talking your hormonal issues here) and DOESN'T HURT! If it sounds like something that interests you I recommend that you ask people around you about their experiences and for a practitioner. They are often best when they come recommended.

All the best to everyone!
  #608  
Unread 03-25-2008, 01:07 PM
Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008

i guess with the lack of sleep and sadness that i have dealt with all last night and this morning that it has really taken me for a loop. i will admit to you wonderful ladies right now that i am not wonderwoman like i always thought i was......i am so drained and sore right now. my head hurts. i took a shower for the meeting and called them to tell them i couldn't make it. my body feels like its been hit with a semi! my side and stomach are beginning to hurt. i just send my dd's to the store to get some groceries because i am too worn out to even go out. i am still in my robe from my shower over an hour ago. i had intentions of getting dressed and blow drying my hair and straightening it, but i am just not up to it. i am not depressed or anything my body is just completely drained..i think i will go watch some tv and get my mind off of things and maybe be able to nap. my sister is on her way to her in laws to say good bye to some company they had. she is much stronger than i would be. i think i would be behaving irrationally. i was hoping she would tell his parents so he can't hide and pretend that all is well but i know that she is probably over there acting as if nothing is wrong.....my kids know that there is no easter bunny or santa claus because many years ago i felt guilty for lying to them. my oldest daughter told me "we knew a long time ago" and i asked why they didn't say anything and she said "because you had so much fun with it". kids are smarter than we give them credit. we told my youngest that christmas as well because we figured its better to explain ourselves and our reasoning than for them to find out we've been lying to them. i wish my sister would consider explaining to the kids what is going on instead of pretending all is well. she will grow to resent that and it will only make matters worse with annimosity. but she is still in shock-i need to step back and let her make her own decisions. i have been very careful to not say anything negative about him to her-even though i am angry-she is the only one justified to vent about him, so i sit and listen and tell her i am sorry and that i wish i could do somethng to make it go away but i can't and that i am there for her whatever she wants.........so thank you ladies for all your insite, i have hidden these treasures of wisdom in my heart for the appropriate times. God is great and I will trust him to guide me through this to help her.

its time for me to rest, my eyes are heavy. love to all
  #609  
Unread 03-25-2008, 02:44 PM
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Melee: I still have the sunburn feelings although it is MUCH better than it , and the numbness on my right thigh which again is much better than it was but still always there, just getting used to it perhaps? I had the same surgery as you and same ovary removed. I am going to see the surgeon Thursday about RTW next Monday 1/2 days..I also have a desk job and quite frankly am not excited about returning either..but what can I do..

Mew: I am so sorry your sister is going through this and don’t really know what advice to give as each situation like this is so very personal. Without being there and being involved in a daily basis its hard for anyone to give her advice. She will know her own heart eventually when the shock wears off. I think the only thing that can be suggested that would help anyone in this case is if they talked to someone. At this point it doesn’t matter if he will or won’t go to counseling, she needs it for herself to determine how she is going to cope and go forward. That is what all of us need to do in any situation is just ‘go forward’ as difficult as it is and as hard as it is we need to put one foot in front of the other and keep living. I think the worst thing she can do is to not do anything. I know a lot of my friends currently in bad states of marriages where they won’t leave for one reason or the other and none of them are good reasons. The kids ALWAYS know and shame on all human beings who think they can pull one over on their kids. They are so sensitive to us that often times they know ‘something’ before we know what that ‘something’ is. As her sister, you can pray for her, listen to her, be her rock. What you can’t do is decide for her. Just do for her what you do for the sisters here - pray for her and she will make her way as fast or as slow as she needs to. You know God will never give any of us more than we can handle. She will have the strength to endure, as will you. Perhaps she is meant to find Him now and this is the crisis that will aid that..God works in mysterious ways!

Poet: You are a very very STRONG lady and I can hear conviction in your post to Mew. Your life sounds so much better now and you have very loving children. I am happy for you. Your ex-husband will be accountable to GOD himself and he is the only owner of that very detestable behavior. I too journal when ever I am having a difficult time and I have an entire filing cabinet draw full of journals so I’ve had my share of difficult times. It helps heal the heart, mind and soul – good for you.

Shep: I agree with you, a somber read today but it can’t always be good; it’s just not that way. Very nicely put in your reply to Mew. I can’t get over the number of very STRONG women on this site and this thread of Feb 18 – 25 has brought us all together. My father has been an alcoholic since the day my brother was born October 22, 1970 and through all the good, bad and ugly times I prayed and prayed and prayed some more that he would quit. My mom loved him more than her own life and stayed with him also. As kids we were not physically abused whatsoever, but he was emotionally vacant for the majority of the time although to hear him tell it, it was NEVER that way. Well, last year on July 4, my father admitted himself to the detox centre here in town and two days later was taken to the hospital. Two days after that the nurses gave us the ‘last breath’ brochure to read and we were advised to let him know it was OK to go, that we would be fine without him. I was the only person in my family who would do it and I felt very self-conscious but NEEDED to let him know it was OK to go. When they were all out of the room I finally said it. The following night which would be Saturday evening his sister arrived from out of town and everyone started crying and going on that they didn’t want him to leave them. I couldn’t believe it. I mean didn’t they get tired of dealing with the disease? Didn’t they realize it was NEVER going to get any better? Sigh. My father was clinically dead and just like that he came back. The doctors, nurses, specialists, nobody knew and nobody knows what happened to bring him back but here he is still with us. The good part of the story: He hasn’t had a drink since July 4, 2007… I still can’t believe it, but God worked in his life even though my father does not believe. God worked because my mother never lost faith, even when I did. I still struggle that I’ll never have what I should have had in a father and even now the relationship is very strained but we still have tomorrow and the day after that to create something new even though it is very tough. Journaling helps me with this too and praying for strength of heart helps me be strong when we have visits. Apparently God isn’t ready for my father just yet!

Anyway ladies, today is week five and I slept like the dead last night and felt so tired this morning. I had lunch plans with my girlfriend so I sucked it up, showered, dressed and went to meet her. Then I went to a couple shops in town and came home & got ds and we went to the gym for an hour. Now I am resting…onward and upward ladies.
  #610  
Unread 03-25-2008, 03:03 PM
Hysterectomy dates Feb 18-Feb 25,2008

cynthia. thank you. i know all that you have said is true about just being there for her. i called to check on her and she said she had left her in laws because she just couldnt' sit there and pretend that all is well. i told her she didn't have to pretend that all is well. she had left the kids there but she was on her way back because her son called her crying and then her daughter, so she is on her way back. i too believe that this can be when she finally learns to rely on God and surrenders to him. she is a wonderful woman and deserves much more than this. she is someone i have always looked up to. i am sure she will be fine but i hate to see her hurt. my heart is broken for her and her family.
anyway, i took something for my headache but i am so worn out......still feeling like i was hit by a truck!!
thanks ladies for your concern, love and support. you truly are a Godsend!
blessings
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