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Very heartbroken Very heartbroken

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Unread 02-19-2008, 12:39 AM
Very heartbroken

Hi Everyone!
I hope all is well with everyone. I am here to let some stream out. I had a TAH with BSO on Feb,6th. I am upset because neither of my sister-in-laws have called me once to check in to see how I am or my husband. They have talked with my mother-in law to see how I am. But I feel that is not the same. Just a hello would be nice. I am always checking on them if they have an issue. I have not received any support from them at all. Maybe I am turning this into something bigger than it is. But I need all the support I can get right now. Should I just let it go? I feel like they don't care about me or care about what is going on in my life. Well I just needed to vent...thanks for listening..
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Unread 02-19-2008, 12:45 AM
Very heartbroken

(((Amanda))) I'm sorry you're feeling upset. I wonder if maybe your two sisters in law are worried that if they call, they'll disturb you when you're needing to rest? That's what sometimes keeps me from calling someone who's newly post op.

I think if they didn't care, they wouldn't have asked your mother in law how you are doing. Why don't you call them? Maybe ask them to stop by and visit you?

Unread 02-19-2008, 03:52 AM
Very heartbroken

Hi Amanderella,
I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel the same, I dont know what I want.
On one hand I want to be left alone ,to lick my wounds in peace {not literally!}, and not wanting to go the effort to look half presentable to any visitors and worry about house being untidy, and on the other hand being angry, that such and such never enquired how I was. They cant win, can they? I think your sisters in law mean well by leaving you to recover in peace. Im sure they know it takes energy to talk to visitors. energy , you may not have. We are probably paranoid from hormone changes also. Hope you feeling better soon. Chin Up!
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Unread 02-19-2008, 04:01 AM
Very heartbroken

Hi Amanderella,
I do know how you feel, I had BSO, LAVH 28-12-07 & one of my sisters who lives in another state didn't wish me luck before my op & only sent a txt msge 5 days after my surgery! She has left one phone message for me & hasn't tried to get in touch since then, so I haven't bothered to ring her either. It has hurt but I'm over such people now, & I'm pleased that my husband, daughter & close girl friends have been great. I think it is wasted energy worrying about such people, you need to concentrate on yourself & recovering. Perhaps when you do feel better let them know how hurt you were. They or may not take notice of what you tell them, but then it is up to them. Take care & recover well.
Unread 02-19-2008, 04:09 AM
Very heartbroken

Amanderella, I bet your sisters-in-law just don't want to risk disturbing you when they know you should be can be hard to figure out the line between showing concern and waking up the patient. If they've talked to your mother-in-law about it, then obviously they're thinking of you, and may not realize how important direct contact is to you.

Also, I think it's worth bearing in mind that while the surgery is huge to us, life is going on as normal for everybody else on the simply doesn't loom as large in their consciousness as it does in ours.
Unread 02-19-2008, 04:15 AM
Very heartbroken

I have to agree with eepers... they probably don't want to disturb you and are giving you a chance to heal... It might not hurt to just call them and tell them that you wouldn't mind a call from time to time. I have found this is much easier if I just tell people what I want...
I have the opposite problem and have to tell people I just don't feel like visiting very long. But at least they check and I have felt no animosity from them when I tell them we will get together when I feel better.
Best of luck to you.
Unread 02-19-2008, 05:28 AM
Very heartbroken

Normally, I would say don't worry about the people that don't call/visit/respond the way we think they should. I would be irritated, but I learned a few things during my hyst expereince.

I think that there is merit to what several others have said about them not wanting to disturb you. I have 4 co-laborers in Children and Youth Ministry that have had hysterectomies. One of them would call my mother every day to see how I was doing. My mother would tell her and then say - You can call her. She said that she knew how she felt when she first got home. She didn't want to be bothered - so she was giving me some time. She called 3 weeks post-op and we talked for what seemed like forever. It was nice then. I truly could appreciate her "company" at that point.

There are other people who I have not heard from. That's ok too, because I have stopped trying to figure out what motivates poeple and just concentrated on getting well.

I know that it is family that you are talking about, but let's give them the benefit of the doubt.

Blessings on you....
Unread 02-19-2008, 06:43 AM
Very heartbroken

Hi Amanda -

I know exactly how you feel. My sisters and mom were great ( I don't have any sisters-in-law), but no one from my work called at all. During my entire recovery. I was floored by that. I did hear from my Program Manager, but not even my immediate supervisor. Most of them are men, and I will just suspect that they were too uncomfortable with the whole thing, didn't want to disturb me, and didn't know what to say. One person told me that they talked about me and asked about me every day at the morning meeting, so that made me feel better that there was at least some concern.

Some of my friends were the same way. I told them ahead of time about the surgery, but heard nothing from them afterwards. It really stung, and I cried almost all morning about it last week (just a few days post-op), but now that the emotions have settled down and recovery is progressing, I am not so concerned.

I am sure that your sisters-in-law care about you and love you. Since they did ask about you, you know they are thinking about you.

To answer your question - it will be the best for you if you let it go, and just understand that some people just have different ways of dealing with this, and unless they have going thru the same surgery, will never understand the emotion or needs. I know it has really changed my attitude on what to do for friends going through something similar. is gonna love me!!

Take care of yourself!!! And you will always have all of US to help you pull through!!!!
Unread 02-19-2008, 06:44 AM
Very heartbroken

I, too, agree that maybe they didn't want to bother you but I was discussing this with a friend earlier that if you've never been through this experience, you can't totally understand what we go through when we have this surgery done. I mean, it's a big deal and most people don't fully understand that we need support after it's over. I don't think they are trying to hurt you intentionally. I had several people that I worked with that didn't want to bother me and wouldn't call me. My boss called me alot and I told him to tell them it was okay to call me. I hope you get the support you need at this time. This board is great for that!
Unread 02-19-2008, 07:08 AM
Very heartbroken

My brother and his wife live down the road from me and have heard nothing from them. My sister-in-law was told by her doctor a couple of years ago that she should have a hysterectomy for other issues than mine, so I thought she would at least call and see how everything went. My mom has been bringing me meals and helping with my kids and I was hoping at least a little kindness from my brother. I had to call his house and return my nephew's call, my brother answered the phone and never asked me anything, just handed the phone to his son! I just know that if my sister-in-law has this surgery I will be taking her some meals and asking to bring her kids home for a while to at least give her a break.

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