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My husband is different My husband is different

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  #1  
Unread 02-22-2008, 09:25 PM
My husband is different

Help! I'm almost 2 weeks post op and I my husband is not treating me like usual. He hardly talks to me at all. I've tried talking to him about it and he makes me feel like I'm nuts. He says I'm overanalyzing everything and he's just tired because he just got back from a 3 day business trip with a 3 hr time difference. Ok, I could buy that last night, but tonight when he got home from work it was that same thing. He hardly said 20 words to me and went to bed early again. I don't know what it is...he's usually very sensitive and supportive. I don't know if he thinks I'm being lazy or what. I've been lying around a lot which is what I thought I was supposed to do even though I feel ok, just a little sore. I've already done stuff I'm not even supposed to do i.e. laundry and he did nothing to help with dinner tonite except take the baked ziti that I had frozen before surgery out of the oven. I made the salad, fixed the bread, set the table etc. I know I'm not going crazy ... I know he's different. Has anyone else experienced this from a usually very understanding husband? I don't know what to do.
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  #2  
Unread 02-22-2008, 10:18 PM
My husband is different

Sorry, but for the above mentioned complaints.... I am GLAD i'm single!
you rest up hon and let him make his own dinner, he should be catering to YOU.
imho, it sounds like the typical man, he just doesn't know how to deal with this. don't worry, YOU are not going crazy!
  #3  
Unread 02-22-2008, 11:14 PM
My husband is different

No you are not going crazy. He is at a loss on what to do. He may be tired from a trip, but you need his support and TLC right now. So rather than trying to read his mind, TELL him what YOU need and hope that he comes to his senses!!
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  #4  
Unread 02-23-2008, 05:19 AM
My husband is different

if its bothering you, dont accept it., speak up..tell him what you need and how you feel. tell him youre doing as much as you can and hes going to have to be there for the other parts..including support. sometimes people just need to be reminded to realize that they arent acting very nice.
  #5  
Unread 02-23-2008, 07:22 AM
My husband is different

Guys are so much less vocal than women, it is so hard to pry out of them what is up. My first thoughts are that he is scared about you being sick and using denial to keep himself from feeling scared because our culture teaches little boys that being scared is unmanly.

My next thought is that he is ***** and even looking at you is making him hot, but he knows you can't have sex so he is trying not to think about it and loosing the battle. Have you offered him any alternative relief options? There is more than one way to keep a guy happy My husband has always been a very physical guy and the limits on sex have made him a bit testy. I can really see the difference in his personality when he has had a way to "blow off some steam" so to speak. He has also chopped an entire tree into firewood to deal with pent up feelings.

Bottom line is, you are not crazy and something is upsetting your hubby.
  #6  
Unread 02-23-2008, 07:41 AM
My husband is different

You are not crazy, and you DO NEED to rest. Have him pick up dinner on the way home or order out! I've read it here a million times, and yet I did not listen myself.........DO NOT OVERDO IT!! Even when you "feel" better, you're not healed yet. There's a lot of healing going on inside so you SHOULD be lying around ALL day!

Is it an option to hire someone to come in once a week or so to help w/laundry, etc? A teenager in your neighborhood maybe? And SnowyOwl has a point, maybe he's experiencing his own frustrations and doesn't know how to handle it. There ought to be a support group for "hyster-men!" They have "stuff" to deal w/too....especially if he is normally senstitive, maybe he just doesn't know how to handle all this.

Keep trying to talk to him, and we're here for you to blow off steam when needed!
  #7  
Unread 02-23-2008, 08:07 AM
My husband is different

GJE.

I am now a little over 2 weeks post-op

My husband really upset me a few days ago, it just felt like he thought since I was more able to get up and move around and the pain wasn't as bad that he didn't need to help me anymore. He took a month's leave of absence from his main job to do so and other stuff.

I talked to him the next morning about how much he upset me over his behavior the day before. And now we are back on track and he is back to doing the things that I am unable to do yet.

I sure hope everything gets better for you.
You are definetly not crazy and you definetly need to rest and relax, I have learned from 2 previous other types of surgeries that doing the things you shouldn't be doing is definetly a no no!
  #8  
Unread 02-23-2008, 08:11 AM
My husband is different

I am sorry to hear your DH is not supportive. Take comfort and experience from your other sisters here. Definitely ask for his help if you need it. Maybe he just doesn't know what to do for you and has no idea how to help...??

As for my DH, he told me right after the surgery that for him going through this has put his understanding of the value of our relationship at a higher level. I never thought I'd here my DH say something like that! However, I do have to keep repeating to him now (at week 6) that I am not fully healed yet and still can't bring in the firewood!

Keep the faith and think like a loung lizard!!

PS I'm bummed because my computer security won't let me use the whole list of smilies. boo hoo!
  #9  
Unread 02-23-2008, 08:26 AM
My husband is different

There is a SUPER forum on this site for men....it's called MisterHyster. Find it QUICK, print it out and have your man read it! My DH read it over more than once prior to my hyster and was totally in an understanding mindset going in to the surgery. He was more in tune with what I needed than even I was!

Another thought...you are experiencing many changes physically, emotionally, mentally and, most of all, hormonally. You may be imagining more than is really there. It's just a thought.

Best wishes for a complete, uneventful recovery!
  #10  
Unread 02-23-2008, 09:59 AM
My husband is different

Thanks for your feedback. It seems that everyone is in agreement. My husband and I went to our youngest daughter's Upward B-ball game this a.m. All the girls there were asking me how I was doing and one who works in an OB/GYN office was giving me the lecture on rest, rest, rest, don't overdo, how long healing process really takes even after you think you're feeling ok etc. She went into the blues etc. & my DH said he needed some paper to take notes so maybe he's starting to think about it since he's heard it from someone else.
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