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My husband is different My husband is different

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Unread 02-23-2008, 10:30 AM
My husband is different

I'm back & I've found the Mr Hyster stuff & printed it out along with some of the other post-op articles. I'm gonna leave them lying around for him to read & we'll see what happens.
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Unread 02-23-2008, 12:26 PM
My husband is different

I'm glad to hear he is tuning in. Really, I think the whole surgery thing is harder on the guys in some ways. I know my DH was terrified because if I died, it would all be over for me, but he would have to go on alone and raise two girls! He is also a paranoid worry wort
Unread 02-23-2008, 04:13 PM
My husband is different

Rather than leave the Mister Hyster print out 'lying around' in hopes he'll read it....point it out to him and say something like, "Hey, look what I found. You said this morning that you wanted some paper to take notes. No need--just read."

It's another thought....

Best wishes!
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Unread 02-23-2008, 06:16 PM
My husband is different

My DH went out this afternoon to Lowe's Home Improve't & when he returned, he had stopped at a florist and bought flowers for me. He's unloading the dishwasher as I post this message, so maybe it's gonna be ok after all.
Unread 02-23-2008, 06:25 PM

Your DH isn't too different from mine. My MIL can from out of state to help me take care of our 3 year old. She was here for a week and the help was great. The thing that was truely hard for me was that I really felt left out. We have a multilevel home with our bedroom on the top level. Most of the time that she was here, everyone else was on one of the lower levels and I had to go to them for help. It was a good thing that my surgury was the less invasive because I was able to move a little better than most. But, most of the nights that she was here, we ended up in an arguement because of how I was feeling. When I was up in my room, I would mute the TV just so that I would feel like I was part of the conversation they were having downstairs. He thought that I was being silly. Things have gotten better but it really was hard for my DH to understand the feelings that I was having, especially when I didn't like having them. When you have to look to others for complete care as a normally fully competent adult, it is hard when you don't get the response that you are truely expecting. Just keep in mind that your Dh hasn't changed, that the wife that he has had is just going through something that he is most likely trying his best to cope with. I'm sure it is even worse than when a woman is pregnant! Keep your chin up and remember, things will get better!
Unread 02-23-2008, 07:14 PM
My husband is different

my hubby is being an *** too.
he has said over and over "i dont know why you are doing this, or why you did this, you decide stuff for yourself without talking to anyone else about it"
he had me in tears 2 hours before my surgery!!
Now, its like he wants to ***** at me for doing stuff i shouldnt, and in the same breath ***** for me not doing anything!
we have been fighting over stupid stuff. and its driving me nuts!
Unread 02-24-2008, 12:09 AM
My husband is different

Wow...I read some of these posts and was reminded again how truly blessed I am for the having such a supportive, kind and patient husband. Ladies look--we've all had MAJOR SURGERY! This is NOT to be taken lightly by anyone, and certainly not by our significant others! If it means you have to demand their assistance and even their kindness, so be it! You will have only this one chance to heal properly, and that means taking the best care of yourself possible right now. If this means enlisting hired help or out-of-town relatives, etc., do it! We women are in such a habit of taking care of others that when something happens to us sometimes our SO's just don't know what to do--so TELL THEM what you want, need and DESERVE! Most of the time I think some men are just at a loss emotionally when stuff happens to us. I think most of them mean well and want to be there for us, but just don't know how to go about it. This is when honest communication must come in if we are to get what we want and need.
Unread 02-24-2008, 05:45 AM
My husband is different

My husband went into a tail spin last night too. He gets like that when he is stressed. It was one of those days where every little thing upsets him, he takes everything personally, and makes mountains out of mole hills.

He seems to be over it this morning, but I'm treading lightly for now. I know why he is stressed and upset, he has a hard time dealing with me being in pain or sick and I'm going to visit my brother cross country on Tuesday and he is worried about me traveling, especially since I'm booked with Northwest, but will be flying on weird little airlines we've never heard of.

I know he will get over it, I just have to let him blow off some steam. He has been supportive and helpful for the most part, but generally he is at a loss because he has no clue what I do all day. He knows I do a lot, but just doesn't know where to begin to do it himself. Most of all, he hates change. As a military man, he likes everything in order, rules to follow, and for everything to be totally predictable. Me being out of commission has really rattled his cage. My life requires being able to change plans on a dime, go with the flow, and let things go when they don't go as planned. He will never flourish in that atmosphere

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