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Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned) Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned)

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  #1  
Unread 02-24-2008, 08:08 PM
Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned)

So, my Middle Son is VERY curious about my surgery and will ask sometimes how I feel. Lately, he wants to know what I "had cut out" of me and why ? He also was in tears when I said it was the place to "grow babies" he said that no one should lose their "baby home" and that wasn't very fair.

he really is expecting some grand explanation of what I had done, but honestly, it's not that fantastic of a thing- they removed the uterus, cervix and fallopian tubes.....

He can not wait for us to adopt and wants to help pick a baby....he wants me to go get one right now- because maybe that would help me feel better.

His heart is hurting, the poor Little Guy and my hurts for him.


Any ideas ? Thoughts ? Advice ? Anyone else have very curious children ?

O- he's 5 1/2 if that helps at all.

Thanks in advance, Ladies.
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  #2  
Unread 02-24-2008, 08:50 PM
Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned)

I explained it to my step-sons (ages 10 and 11) the same way. I made sure to explain that the place where babies are made was sick and it was making me sick, so it had to come out so I can feel all better. They of course, do not understand at all, and they haven't asked any questions either. They seemed confused about where I was cut open so my husband told them I was cut across the bottom of my belly just below where their boxers go across. I didn't seem sad so they aren't sad either. They just want me to get all healed up quickly. They don't like to see me this way. Its so hard to know how much kids understand. I think you are doing the right thing and I also think that even though it hurts, we have to be as honest as possible without scaring them.
  #3  
Unread 02-24-2008, 09:44 PM
Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned)

I showed my kids the diagram the Dr. gave me that showed all the parts involved. I explained where my uterus was supose to be and where it had moved to. I told them I would probably feel alot better after I healed but that I would feel really bad at first and I would get a little bit better everyday.
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  #4  
Unread 02-25-2008, 05:41 AM
Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned)

I was very sick for a few months before I had my LSH. My kids are teenagers and don't like to talk about "stuff like that" but we just say I had to have my babymaker taken out because it was sick and making me sick. We have very active lives and this has really slowed me down. They're more concerned about when I will be back to "normal". Our family was done growing so it wasn't about not having anymore children.
  #5  
Unread 02-25-2008, 08:28 AM
Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned)

i showed my 7 year old the drawing like pictures the doc gave me, and gave her the "7 year old version" of the surgery. i told her that the place in my belly that her and her sister lived in when they were in my belly had something wrong with it, and they tried to fix it before, and its not right again, so they are gonna take it out and make mommy feel better.
she accepted it, the 4 year old, we just told i had tummy surgery and she had to be careful of my belly
  #6  
Unread 02-25-2008, 08:51 AM
Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned)

Hi
I told my 10 yo that I had my uterus taken out because it was not healthy. He knew I was in pain and almost went ot the emergency room before my surgery, so he knew I had problems. He is mostly scared that I will die (I had a pretty bad hemorrhage) so we talk a lot about how it was scary, but I'm ok now because there is no way that could happen again.
I think its important to start the conversation, because often the kids won't do that (although it sounds like your son is) but to ask pretty open ended questions so that you answer what they want to know, and not get TMI. So for example I said to my son, do you understand whyI had surgery, and what do you want to know about it...

I think it is incredibly scary for kids when their moms are sick because who will take care of them if something happens to their moms ( I don't mean they are selfish, just that they are little and feel like they need their moms.) So I wonder if that is partly whyyour son is so upset for you...

Also, if you are really grieving, that will make him more upset too. As you come to terms with it he will do better.
Deb
  #7  
Unread 02-28-2008, 02:08 PM
Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned)

My children are 5 and 6 and I have kind of walked them through this process in baby steps. I was in pain for months before the surgery so I told them the doctor was going to cut open Mommy's belly and move stuff around to fix it. My son is so smart that too much explanation would have left him with a TON of questions so I've tried to keep the explanation fairly simple. ie: that doctor did surgery to fix Mommy's belly and now she is recovering.

They seem to be very understanding, but I know they are frustrated with my inability to be up and around with them all the time. I feel like a mean Mom when I tell them I can't run around with them, but I also have explained that Mommy needs to heal right this time so that I won't have anymore pain.

The best advice I've gotten is from a friend that reminded me that women have c-sections all the time and their olders kids have to adjust for a few months. None of them end up on Dr. Phil as a result (although that has been my fear!). I'm a divorced single Mom so I worry that I'm saddling them with too much responsibility when I ask them to help, but ultimately I try to remember that this is a short period of time in all of our lives. Many happy days lie ahead. Hang in there and give your son lots of hugs!
  #8  
Unread 02-29-2008, 06:29 PM
Words of advice for explaining ? (child mentioned)

My mother told us they took her "baby basket" out, and that was that.

I have skin tags that really annoy my goddaughter, so I told her that I had a really big skin tag inside me and the doctor took it out. She wants to know when the rest of them come off.
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