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how to tell DH "how to do the deed" how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

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Unread 03-09-2008, 12:41 PM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

i know in the next week or 2 we will probably be given the go ahead. what should i expect and tell DH to expect when we do "do it"??
Sounds kinda dumb, but after 11 years with him, i dont want to be hurt or make him feel too bad about it if we cant do it right for a while!!
does that make sense??
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Unread 03-09-2008, 01:14 PM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

I had TVH on 1-08-08, I was so nervous about things that I had to lay it all out there before we had sex. I told my DH that I didn't know what to expect since so many women on this site have had different experiences. I know some women say they made the first time really special, but that was too much pressure for me. I just wanted to get the first time done with so we would both know what to expect, I told my husband some of the things that may be different or awkward, things were a little awkward the first time so I,m glad we were prepared. Things are much better since! Best of Luck!
Unread 03-09-2008, 01:27 PM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

If you are comfortable with it, total honesty between you is the way to go, in my opinion.

Tell him outright that you are now allowed and interested in resuming sex, but he may need to be slow and gentle, and you aren't sure at all how things will go the first couple of times. Make him your "co-conspirator", and work together on this.

For us, resuming sex was as awkward as high-school fumbling in the back of a van! My husband was so afraid to hurt me, he could hardly bring himself to touch me. We were able to laugh and make jokes about it, and it actually brought us closer together in the end.

I didn't really have pain, but felt a bit uncomfortable at first, as if my body had forgotten what was supposed to happen. It only took a few attempts, and we were right back to our comfortable and happy relationship.

Five years later, it's still all good. This will just be a little bump in the road for the two of you.

PM me if you would like more explicit advice. I'm a nurse, and am totally comfortable sharing what worked for us.
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Unread 03-09-2008, 03:26 PM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

What my doctor told me to do, (and it worked) was for me to be on top, that way I'm in control and could just kind of "ease" into (or onto) it. Sorry, no real easy way to put it. I was really glad he gave me that info though, because it did make it so much easier on both of us. DH knew it was at my pace and didn't or wasn't able to hurry with the initial penitration. (sp?) It gets easier every time.
Unread 03-09-2008, 03:35 PM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

What my doctor told me to do, (and it worked) was for me to be on top, that way I'm in control and could just kind of "ease" into (or onto) it.
I had a minor disaster doing just that! My legs were still weak and shaky, and let's just say I got more than I had bargained for! I was all right though, a little pain and a big surprise.
Unread 03-09-2008, 03:36 PM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

My doc gave me the same advice re: being on top so I could control the degree of penetration and pace. We tried it the first couple of times & it worked great. We're totally back to normal now, and things are as good, if not better, than ever. Good luck.
Unread 03-09-2008, 03:50 PM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

I think that my DH was just as nervous as I. The first time was a little painful so we had to stop. The second time went better, but we both were very nervous again. I did not feel pain and I had to keep reassuring my DH that he was not hurting me. I must say that once it was over, I actually cried. I thing that it was such a big relief to know that things were going to be okay in that area. PHEW!!!! It's one less worry and one giant step towards returning to a normal life.
Unread 03-09-2008, 06:04 PM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

For DH and I the first time was night before last and we were really nervous. Like suggested here, I started on top so I was in control and it made DH much less nervous. However, it didn't take long for my legs to tire out so we switched. By then we knew he wouldn't "bottom out" so to speak so he was less nervous and because of the posterior repair I had, me being on the bottom was actually more comfortable. We skipped it last night because I felt a little burning after, but will try again next weekend, (he is out of town all week.) We had champagne, mostly to relax me, but other than that it was pretty much a "let's get this over" thing for me and just plain for DH I didn't need to give DH instructions, he was so nervous he was really careful.
Unread 03-09-2008, 08:31 PM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

DH has been driving me nuts about it. (you know it was all my fault that i decided to do this, and cut him off!!) and i just dont want him to be dissapionted if it doesnt work out the first couple times. I'm more scared of this then i was my very first time ever!!!
Unread 03-10-2008, 05:26 AM
how to tell DH "how to do the deed"

You might consider using an alternative measure to get things started, or finished, that way he isn't left frustrated. Some here have suggested bringing hubby to climax another way first and then doing the experimenting with actual penetration.

My husband is a very caring sympathetic guy, but he gets grumpy when he is deprived. He doesn't try to be, but he just gets edgy and he isn't good at hiding it so I've made a real effort to keep him content. Early on, after the surgery, if I had 10 minutes worth of energy for the day I saved it for attention to him because 10 minutes wasn't really going to get any housework done and the kids are happy to just talk at me while I lie in bed so they get enough mom time.

Another suggestion I have heard here is to experiment alone with a life sized "replacement" ( you can order one online and have it shipped in very discrete packaging.) This way you can be sure everything is in working order and you won't be sore before trying with the real thing. I would recommend talking openly with your DH about your fears and see what he thinks you should do. His answer may surprise you

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