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I don't want to get better...... I don't want to get better......

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  #11  
Unread 03-30-2008, 06:41 PM
I don't want to get better......

Denise - Try to look at this surgery as a new start for yourself. If you want to finish school, DO IT.

I'm a single mom ~ dd is now almost 23, but I raised her alone from day one. I finished my degree in 2004, the year after she graduated from high school. It took me over 20 years of on-again/off-again, but I did it, and aside from raising a great daughter, my graduation was without a doubt my proudest moment.

No matter how long it took, nobody can take that accomplishment away from me now. I always had a sense of inferiority in the back of my mind until I got that degree - I'm so glad I stuck with it -- and kept going back -- it was SO worth it.

If this is important to you, sit down with your family and explain what it means to you. Ask for their support, then go for it! I wish you all the best!!!
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  #12  
Unread 03-30-2008, 06:46 PM
I don't want to get better......

  Quote:
Originally Posted by a_new_life
Denise - Try to look at this surgery as a new start for yourself. If you want to finish school, DO IT.

I'm a single mom ~ dd is now almost 23, but I raised her alone from day one. I finished my degree in 2004, the year after she graduated from high school. It took me over 20 years of on-again/off-again, but I did it, and aside from raising a great daughter, my graduation was without a doubt my proudest moment.

No matter how long it took, nobody can take that accomplishment away from me now. I always had a sense of inferiority in the back of my mind until I got that degree - I'm so glad I stuck with it -- and kept going back -- it was SO worth it.

If this is important to you, sit down with your family and explain what it means to you. Ask for their support, then go for it! I wish you all the best!!!
I was in school up until last year. I've not only asked for my family's support but have begged for it. But they never made it easy. I, too, have that feeling of inferiority in the back of my mind. Especially when I see so many people my age and younger being so successful. My doctor is one of them. Everytime I think of her, I think of what I could have been and am not. Just because I was an impatient teenager that wanted out of the house. This depression is awful. It's making me regret everything in my life. I hate feeling this way.
  #13  
Unread 03-30-2008, 06:53 PM
I don't want to get better......

I've been there; I totally understand. And, believe me, I'm not saying my life is perfect now - far from it. Do talk with your doc about this when you see her later this week. See if she can do something to help. You shouldn't have to go this alone. Keep us posted, too.
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  #14  
Unread 03-30-2008, 06:55 PM
I don't want to get better

Denise, I started feeling as if I had accomplished little in my life a few months ago, when I was having no health problems at all. I am harder on myself than anyone else and always feel I should be doing more.

When I went to paralegal school while working full-time with a six year old, I had to have a very serious talk with DH - including even the big "D" word - before he would carry his share of the load. I had returned to work two years before that and he still expected I would be doing everything I had done as a stay-at-home mom.

I am not suggesting that you do as I did, but I can identify with your unhappiness and frustration.
  #15  
Unread 03-30-2008, 07:04 PM
I don't want to get better......

I got my B.S. degree, but it wasn't easy. I was on the 6 yr program LOL. I went to night school and worked during the day. You can do it. Don't give up. As for the family being selfish, do it for you! This is your time. You can start slow by taking one class at a time. Don't let your family selfishness get in your way.
  #16  
Unread 03-30-2008, 07:08 PM
I don't want to get better......

  Quote:
Originally Posted by sw34
I got my B.S. degree, but it wasn't easy. I was on the 6 yr program LOL. I went to night school and worked during the day. You can do it. Don't give up. As for the family being selfish, do it for you! This is your time. You can start slow by taking one class at a time. Don't let your family selfishness get in your way.
Just curious.....those who got your degrees after having kids and such....what did you get your degree in?

I'm considering nursing or something along those lines......any of those out there?
  #17  
Unread 03-30-2008, 07:19 PM
I don't want to get better......

My degree is a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration. If I had it to do over again, it would probably be in journalism or communications. But, I was into the business degree so I kept going. I wish I had a stronger stomach; I'd go back for nursing now. I love the aspect of being able to help people, and I keep reading about it being a recession-proof career. And, the demand will continue to rise due to the aging population. A very close friend of my dd is a nurse, and she absolutely loves it. She was made for nursing.

I agree with sw34. Don't let your family or anything else get in the way. Life is short, and we only get one chance. Make time for yourself so you have no regrets later.
  #18  
Unread 03-30-2008, 07:25 PM
I don't want to get better......

  Quote:
Originally Posted by a_new_life
My degree is a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration. If I had it to do over again, it would probably be in journalism or communications. But, I was into the business degree so I kept going. I wish I had a stronger stomach; I'd go back for nursing now. I love the aspect of being able to help people, and I keep reading about it being a recession-proof career. And, the demand will continue to rise due to the aging population. A very close friend of my dd is a nurse, and she absolutely loves it. She was made for nursing.

I agree with sw34. Don't let your family or anything else get in the way. Life is short, and we only get one chance. Make time for yourself so you have no regrets later.
Funny, I started my degree to get my BS in BA, as well. But I just don't know if that is what I want to continue. Well, I guess I'll have plenty of time over the next several weeks to think about it. :-)

Thanks,
  #19  
Unread 03-30-2008, 08:39 PM
I don't want to get better......

Hey there Denise. I think I feel that way sometimes too. I am very mixed about it. I am SOOO excited about being my old self again, and the possibility of being able to be active and all that. However I find myself in an emotional fight sometimes, with the fears of that as well. The past 3 years I have gradually gone downhill healthwise which led up to my TAH a few weeks ago. However, during that 3 years I really feel like I became such a horrible person. I was lazy, my house was messy, I don't feel like I spent enough time with my kids, I gained weight...etc. I have attributed all of those things to my chronic pain and general illness. However, I am scared that when I do feel physically well again, maybe I'll still be that crappy person that I despise. I really don't want to come to that realization and don't want to believe that that's just who I am. I wasn't that way before. However, I just keep trying to remind myself that it's just a fear and it isn't true. I also keep trying to lift myself out of those habits that I have developed and picked up doing some things that used to make me very happy. Some of them still do So just keep hopeful, it will all work out the way it is supposed to. You'll be just fine, glad you are recovering well too. Good luck!
  #20  
Unread 03-30-2008, 08:53 PM
I don't want to get better......

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Lolee8
Hey there Denise. I think I feel that way sometimes too. I am very mixed about it. I am SOOO excited about being my old self again, and the possibility of being able to be active and all that. However I find myself in an emotional fight sometimes, with the fears of that as well. The past 3 years I have gradually gone downhill healthwise which led up to my TAH a few weeks ago. However, during that 3 years I really feel like I became such a horrible person. I was lazy, my house was messy, I don't feel like I spent enough time with my kids, I gained weight...etc. I have attributed all of those things to my chronic pain and general illness. However, I am scared that when I do feel physically well again, maybe I'll still be that crappy person that I despise. I really don't want to come to that realization and don't want to believe that that's just who I am. I wasn't that way before. However, I just keep trying to remind myself that it's just a fear and it isn't true. I also keep trying to lift myself out of those habits that I have developed and picked up doing some things that used to make me very happy. Some of them still do So just keep hopeful, it will all work out the way it is supposed to. You'll be just fine, glad you are recovering well too. Good luck!
I have spent my entire life (well almost) taking care of others. I was married at 19 and had my first baby by 21...then 23....then 27. I was mostly a SAHM up until the last couple of years. I did earn a certificate in vocational school as a Medical Secretary and was a medical transcriptionist for seven years before returning to school in Business Administration. I set myself up because I did everything for my family. I made it to the point that they literally could not function if I wasn't around. Now, I'm paying the price of that. Now even as old as they are (17, 22, 20) they can barely function on their own. Throw in an absolute clueless husband who has no aspirations to advance in his career (He's a Chief in the US Navy) and my mother who seems to circumvent every law I try to lay down for this family you have a big ol' mess that I made. For years now, I figures I made this bed so now I have to lie in it. Well, I don't want to lie in it anymore. I've lived my entire adult life for others. Now I just feel old and unaccomplished at 43. I was never-ever bothered by my age but now even that is bothering me. I keep thinking I'm 43 and have never accomplished anything.

Anyway.....still feeling depressed and sorry for myself so I'm rambling. I hope she gives me something to supplement my Paxil or some hormones or something. I feel like I want to vomit because of all these feelings that are surging through me right now.

So, I don't know whether to really call today a good day or bad day. Physically it is the first time in three weeks that I've had two good days in a row. However, I feel that I was robbed today in a way because of being so depressed. I've just been a miserable, crying, mess all day.

Well, I just too my Ambien....hopefully I nod off soon and try again tommorrow.

Hugs to all,
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