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Going insane!! Going insane!!

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  #1  
Unread 04-02-2008, 12:08 PM
Going insane!!

I'm going insane here. I feel like I'm trapped. My husband should be my biggest support right now but he's not. He never is. Always degrading me, putting me down, or getting angry with me. I can say the littlest thing and it sets him off. He won't even let me explain myself. He will either shut down or yell at me. All he ever wants is sex. I'm suspose to be recovering here. He keeps asking "So when can we have sex?" He is the reason my doctor had to put me on antibiotics today. I don't like being so miseriable. Nothing I do is good enough. Alot of guys would feel lucky to be married to a wife that looks like me. But not him. It's wrong for me to care about my looks. I shouldn't be going to have my hair done or taking time to put on make-up. That makes me feel good. We have been married 11 yrs and he wants to take away the 1 carat each diamond earrings he got me for Christmas 2 yrs ago. He says I haven't earned them yet. I'm so tired of this hell I call a marriage. Help please!!!
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  #2  
Unread 04-02-2008, 12:43 PM
Going insane!!

He sounds like a piece of work...why exactly are you with him?????

You deserve better than that - what you are describing is outright ABUSE.
  #3  
Unread 04-02-2008, 12:57 PM
Going insane!!

Reni,

I am sooo sorry you are going through this. SFK is so right. Do you have any other family members to support you in your recovery? Maybe someone you can stay with? Your recovery needs to be all about YOU...not anyone else but YOU!!!

Was he abusive like this before your surgery? You do not deserve to be treated this way!

We're here for you, but Reni you need to make this about YOU. Please don't let him degrade you. To hell with the earrings!!

Please let us know how you are doing...
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  #4  
Unread 04-02-2008, 01:08 PM
Going insane!!

Amen to all above. Find some real support for your recovery. And when you have healed, and have the strength, either get some marriage counseling or a divorce attorney. Stress is not a good catalyst for healing.
  #5  
Unread 04-02-2008, 02:32 PM
Going insane!!

Thanks for letting me vent. He has been like this for most of our 11 yr marriage. I want out but I'm afraid of raising 3 kids alone. He threatens me that he will use my medical problems to take my kids away. I know it's abuse but when I tell him I want leave he gets worse. All of my family is in Texas and I'm active duty so I'm stuck here for 3 1/2 yrs. Maybe by some miracle by God things will be fixed one way or another.
  #6  
Unread 04-02-2008, 06:44 PM
Going insane!!

Please don't wait for "god" to make things better - you have to take things into your own hands. Telling people like that that you want to leave them just makes them worse - I'd skip that step if I were you. Who the hell is does this guy think he is, to trap you in the marriage. That's scum, IMO. You have choices, too, you know. You deserve happiness!!!!

I wish you all the best - a quote comes to mind:

It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
(I think that's from the movie Catch-22.)
  #7  
Unread 04-03-2008, 08:55 AM
Thanks!

My mom is a big support. She lets me tell her averything that is going on. The bad thing is my dad is kinda the same way. But she fiquires it's been 40 yrs why leave now. He likes to check everything I do. He doesn't want me to hang out with anyone or talk to any guys. He is afraid of what I might do or how my actions make him look. I'm my own person and I will do what I want to do. Most of my friends that I talk to are guys. They are very supportive to me. One of my friends is a EMT here and his situation is just as bad. He worships the ground I walk on. Atleast someone tries to make me feel good about myself.
My husband has never physically hurt me, but the emotional abuse is enough. He has to remind me that I was young and pregnant in the middle of a divorce; he claims to have saved me. All I ever hear is that ,"Who was there for you thru everything?" Basically I feel like a charity case. I'm glad I was able to find you to talk to. Thank you so much.
  #8  
Unread 04-03-2008, 09:13 AM
Going insane!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Reni
My mom is a big support. She lets me tell her averything that is going on. The bad thing is my dad is kinda the same way. But she fiquires it's been 40 yrs why leave now. He likes to check everything I do. He doesn't want me to hang out with anyone or talk to any guys. He is afraid of what I might do or how my actions make him look. I'm my own person and I will do what I want to do. Most of my friends that I talk to are guys. They are very supportive to me. One of my friends is a EMT here and his situation is just as bad. He worships the ground I walk on. Atleast someone tries to make me feel good about myself.
My husband has never physically hurt me, but the emotional abuse is enough. He has to remind me that I was young and pregnant in the middle of a divorce; he claims to have saved me. All I ever hear is that ,"Who was there for you thru everything?" Basically I feel like a charity case. I'm glad I was able to find you to talk to. Thank you so much.
Hi Reni,

First of all (GREAT BIG HUG)! You are so brave to share all this and to feel safe enough to talk about it. I spent several years as a crisis counsellor working in a shelter with abused women. The wonderful advise you have been given in all the posts above is so very true in my experience. YOU and your children are what's important here. YOU need to look after YOU first and everything else will fall into place. Abuse has many faces and being emotionally or psychologically abused takes so much longer to heal than a black eye. All forms or abuse are dreadful!
The information you share about your father is not uncommon for a daughter in the same situation. We live what we learn. The only problem is you are also teaching your children this. I am not blaming you just making a point as sometimes we get so lost in this. I STRONGLY suggest you google "domestic violence" and do some research. I would also call your local hospital or police department to ask about resources in your area. Support networks for abused women have come a long way and finding the knowledge will give you POWER! Be strong, keep you chin up and do it for your kids if you don't love yourself enough to do it for you.

Hugs,
Tracy
  #9  
Unread 04-03-2008, 09:22 AM
Going insane!!

Life is too short to live as a prisoner in your own home.

I dumped my first love because of jealousy issues that he had. I loved to play softball (this is a long time ago, just out of highschool) and he didn't want me to play because there were guys there that he "didn't know" and therefore wouldn't want me being near them. Because that statement was so rediculous I asked if he wanted to come along to watch the game (I didn't mean it AT ALL to be keeping an eye on me!!), and he didn't want to. So I ended it right there. There was NO WAY I was going to give up something I enjoyed doing just because some idiot was insecure. He ended up crying and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. OH WELL.

Fast forward to my first marriage - that turned out similar, but I (foolishly) tried to prove my loyalty to him. If I was 5 minutes late coming home from work, in his eyes it must have been because I stopped off somewhere and was fooling around with someone! Just after our first anniversary I'd had more than enough and was tired of wasting my time and effort on a lost cause. He threatened to kill himself (which most of these idiots do as an attempt at your sympathy), but he never did it, and he ended up on some medication for his overall mental problems. He's fine now, and I've been in my current relationship for almost 11 years.

Don't waste your life on people like that. If they threaten you, you must take it seriously because there's no guessing how far they're willing to go just to make sure you are theirs and nobody else's.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
  #10  
Unread 04-03-2008, 09:30 AM
Thanks!

Everyone gives me this advise. I don't like to give up. It would be a big fight even if he saw any of this. I have to delete everyday or he questions everything I do. I like my attitude. I'm kinda like a "Kerry Heffernan" type you know the on "King of Queens". When my husband isn't around I feel really good about myself. I can walk in a room and have all eyes on me. Growing up I never thought I was pretty. Probably because my dad always told me I was ugly and stupid. As I get older I'm like the way I look. In the past 3 years I have had more people tell me that I'm beautiful than I've had in my whole life. The way my husband makes me feel drives me to look for comfort from others who like me. I've only lived here since Sept. so I don't know many people here yet. One more thing as a little girl I was sexually abused for 4 years that I can remember. But he is dead now and it has helped me to talk about that. I want to make my daughter stronger than me so she can be happy.
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