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Going insane!! Going insane!!

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  #11  
Unread 04-03-2008, 09:34 AM
Going insane!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Reni
I want to make my daughter stronger than me so she can be happy.
Then show her that this abuse is not to be tolerated.
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  #12  
Unread 04-03-2008, 09:49 AM
Thanks!!

My daughter wasn't planned. I wasn't taking my pill everyday. Normally when I wasn't on the pill I couldn't get pregnant. I'm just weird. I was having sex for 5 years with no protection and never got pregnnant. At 19 I went on the pill to regulate my periods and I got pregnant during the first month of taking it. I miss you Oshan Joshua. Needless to say he didn't survive. I named him so I wold have closure. I was too early to tell the gender but my baby got a name anyway. Back to my daughter. I knew exactly with in days of conceiving that I was pregnant. My period would come every other Sunday like clock work. This one Sunday in June 2003 I didn't start. I was mad at the whole world. On Monday I had a blood test done. My quantitative number was 14. I was afraid to tell him. He wanted to adopt a daught instead of me getting pregnant. Well the decision was made for me. So we didn't adopt. He doesn't like to do take care of her much unless he has no choice. He says he is glad we have her but he doesn't show it too well. She is very important too me. My little princess.
  #13  
Unread 04-03-2008, 09:51 AM
Going insane!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Reni
Everyone gives me this advise. I don't like to give up. It would be a big fight even if he saw any of this. I have to delete everyday or he questions everything I do. I like my attitude. I'm kinda like a "Kerry Heffernan" type you know the on "King of Queens". When my husband isn't around I feel really good about myself. I can walk in a room and have all eyes on me. Growing up I never thought I was pretty. Probably because my dad always told me I was ugly and stupid. As I get older I'm like the way I look. In the past 3 years I have had more people tell me that I'm beautiful than I've had in my whole life. The way my husband makes me feel drives me to look for comfort from others who like me. I've only lived here since Sept. so I don't know many people here yet. One more thing as a little girl I was sexually abused for 4 years that I can remember. But he is dead now and it has helped me to talk about that. I want to make my daughter stronger than me so she can be happy.
Hi Reni,

We each choose our own destiny! Let me put it to you this way ... many women are not as lucky as you because they do not get out alive.
If you are afraid/resistant to make changes, will you at least love yourself enough to do some research and understand abuse a little better. Again, having worked in this field it is not uncommon for abused woman to have suffered abuse as a child. It is a the cycle of domestic violence. Like I said in my previous post ... knowledge is POWER!
I hope you make the right choice for you and your children.

Hugs,
Tracy
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  #14  
Unread 04-03-2008, 10:00 AM
Going insane!!

I have been doing research for the last 11 yrs. I do know alot about abuse. I have private therapist that I go to. One of them tell me that my depression is situtional. I know that. If I'm with my friends I'm on top of the whole. But I have to hide that from him. If I go to the store and I'm gone more than an hour he calls my cell to see what is taking so long. I can't go out with friends without him trying to make me feel guilty.
  #15  
Unread 04-03-2008, 10:01 AM
Going insane!!

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Reni
My daughter wasn't planned. I wasn't taking my pill everyday. Normally when I wasn't on the pill I couldn't get pregnant. I'm just weird. I was having sex for 5 years with no protection and never got pregnnant. At 19 I went on the pill to regulate my periods and I got pregnant during the first month of taking it. I miss you Oshan Joshua. Needless to say he didn't survive. I named him so I wold have closure. I was too early to tell the gender but my baby got a name anyway. Back to my daughter. I knew exactly with in days of conceiving that I was pregnant. My period would come every other Sunday like clock work. This one Sunday in June 2003 I didn't start. I was mad at the whole world. On Monday I had a blood test done. My quantitative number was 14. I was afraid to tell him. He wanted to adopt a daught instead of me getting pregnant. Well the decision was made for me. So we didn't adopt. He doesn't like to do take care of her much unless he has no choice. He says he is glad we have her but he doesn't show it too well. She is very important too me. My little princess.

Oh Reni,

I am so sorry for the loss of your first child. Your little princess must be your pride and joy.
When we did group work with moms who were abused they said they loved their children more than anything in the world, they would do anything for their children, their children were their lives etc. What these women were essentially saying was my children are more important than themselves. We have to model the behaviour not speak it for our children to learn. If you don't do this for yourself your daughter will very likely attract the same type of partner. You need to look after YOU first and your daughter's happiness will follow suit.
I am sorry that I am getting so deep into this but I feel very passionate about it.
I also worked in the court system sitting with children who had been sexually abused as their parents couldn't come in the courtroom because they were an accused or a witness. In the end I had to leave this field as I just wanted to take all the little people home with me where they would be safe. I realized I cannot save everyone but please seriously consider looking into even talking to someone who is in the field. It is all very confidential.

Hugs and thanks for reading,
Tracy
  #16  
Unread 04-03-2008, 10:08 AM
Going insane!!

I have 2 sons also. I love them alot too. I do take alot of pride in myself. I put on my make up before going anywhere, fix my hair and dress nice. Then I make sure my daughter is equally as beautiful. My oldest son is 12 and you it's not cool to hangout with mom. My middle son is 8 and is very attached to me too. Maybe the reason I think so much of my daughter is because she is a mirror image of me. She has my attitude and my parents say she looks exactlly like me when I was her age. I want to protect her.
  #17  
Unread 04-12-2008, 06:56 PM
Going insane!!

First, take care of yourself. Once you are feeling better and stronger, face the music and get counseling and/or legal advice. Men always threaten women and try to make us feel inferior. Don't be scared. I raised my two kids on my own. It wasn't easy - but I did fine. One is in college and one is in high school now. Both are exemplary children. I rather be happy alone, then be miserable with "someone". Take care and be strong.
  #18  
Unread 04-18-2008, 04:18 PM
Going insane!!

Things are pretty much the same. We will have a good day and the he turns back into the devil. I wish along with pelvic rest I could have had husband rest too. I'm so fed up with everything.
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