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Hubby support? Hubby support?

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  #1  
Unread 04-08-2008, 09:09 AM
Hubby support?

I am 3 weeks post-op. Just started to feel very emotional around my hubby. He acts like its all over with, and asks whats wrong alot. Well,...."IM NOT FEELIN VERY GOOD THESE DAYS"! He is doing most of the work around here and I am doing what I can too, however, he doesn't seem very sympathetic. Am I being too much of a BABY?? I have my up days, and my down days. I dont ask for much. I do for myself now. Pamper myself????....yea right. Then I get looked at like I am lazy. Any help here??
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  #2  
Unread 04-08-2008, 09:21 AM
Hubby support?

Take a deep breathe. My husband has been wonderful. Very supportive and sympathetic. I love him very much. However, he is still a man. As with my kids..as soon as they see you up and moving around..slowly but still up and moving they think you are better. Oh sure, deep in the back of their mind they know you're not but it doesn't matter, you're up, dressed(maybe).

I've been puttering, cleaning here and there and cooking but I refuse to go back to regular routine and keep reminding everyone that I am still healing and if I hurt myself I will be back in hosp and down even longer.

It will not hurt your husband to do the stuff you do. I feel bad because mine works hard all day then was coming home and had to deal with house and kids. (they'd never make it if something happened to me) So I would try to do stuff and couldn't. I'd get tired or crampy and back to couch I go.

Do what you are comfortable doing and the rest can wait. If a mess bothers your hubby he can deal with it. It's also not unreasonable for your emotions to be out of whack after this surgery whether or not you kept ovaries..getting stressed makes you even more tired.
Good luck and remember to take it easy, you're still recovering.
Betty-Jo
  #3  
Unread 04-08-2008, 10:53 AM
Hubby support?

My DH is kind of the same way...he has been dropping hints...when can you do this do that. I can tell he is stressed working all day and coming home and trying to manage the house. I think to myself humm I've worked full time gone to school part time and did most of the inside house work along with having some type of a social life and he can't step up to take on a few extra chores? He really has been trying but he isn't used to it. Maybe that is your DH problem too- not used to it? I think we spoil our DH!
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  #4  
Unread 04-08-2008, 11:10 AM
Hubby support?

My husand has been great and I have a similar experience as Kyto43. What I learned quickly was to ignore his ranting when it happened. If I didn't, I would end up caving and possibly hurt myself. I also learned NOT to get dressed and put makeup on unless I had to leave the house. If you look healthy and good, they will have different expectations. I live in sweats and no makeup.

I had a lot of guilt at first but then realized that I have been taking care of him and our daughter, working a full time job for over 16 years....I think he can handle 6 weeks. By week 4, the ranting stopped and he and my daughter have settled into their new responsibilities...some of which I have decided I will NOT take back when I am well. Remember it takes over 21 days to change a habit and that includes getting more responsibility, perhaps that is why on week 4, things had changed.

Hang in there...take a breath when they rave and don't engage and don't cave in and take over the responsibility until you are physically and mentally ready ....stress is not good for healing. Take care!
  #5  
Unread 04-08-2008, 12:22 PM
Hubby support?

My DH was pretty supportive during my recovery! He and my DD did everything around here for me. I was not allowed to do anything for the first couple of weeks. Then me being the OCD freak that I am would get bothered if the dishes were in the sink too long before being rinsed and being put in the dishwasher. I would finally get so sick of looking at the dishes that I would start doing it myself and DH and DD would run me out of the kitchen. I am very thankful they were there for me during my recovery period. But DH isn't perfect and just like me has to blow off steam sometimes so he would occasionally glare at me or fuss but overall he was wonderful. I've always been the one around here to do. It's easier for me to do things myself than to ask others to do things. So I think I was my worst enemy during my recovery period
  #6  
Unread 04-08-2008, 06:18 PM
Hubby support?

My hubby seems to have forgotten that I had a major surgery 4 weeks ago, the first 2 weeks he was very supportive but not it seems like he thinks that I should be cured. My house is a wreck and I have been trying to do my best to keep it up but I apparently live with a bunch of slobs that do not know how to pick up after themselves.

I mentioned to him the other night that even though we could not have sex, I am missing the closeness, the emotional part, that we can still cuddle and such. I went to be by myself that night. Certain body part are out of commission so I am kinda feeling neglected. Does that make any sense?

My my, I have been on a rant. Sorry!

Hang in there, it has got to get better for both of us.
  #7  
Unread 04-08-2008, 07:48 PM
Hubby support?

Today was my best day since surgery exactly 4 weeks ago... boyfriend said to me "well I was WONDERING when you were going to get better!"

Dad said to me over the weekend "aren't you all better yet?"

They have no clue. I explained that I will have good days & bad days, and this is a long, slow process- just because I am dressed and wearing makeup doesn't mean I am all healed on the inside!
  #8  
Unread 04-08-2008, 07:54 PM
Hubby support?

Boy... these posts have sure hit home with me. I'm almost 5 wks p/o and doing pretty good, i don't go back to work til next monday. anyway, this past week was horrible emotionally for me too. i kept the one remaining ovary i had, so i know i'll still go through my cycles, and i'm not sure if it was my regular pms (with no m), but it was much worse. I felt very out of sorts and lost and very sad. I just cried and cried for a several days. Then one evening I overhead my DH tell someone that "I guess the surgery didn't work because she still has her hormones". Wow- i didn't realize i was having the surgery to get rid of my hormones. For the first couple of weeks after the surgery he was very helpful in the physical realm, but he is never emotionally supportive. I made him aware that he hurt my feelings and that he probably should have married a robot, later in the day he attempted an apology, but after he said he was sorry he hurt my feelings, he followed that up with that he was only kidding and that if I chose to take it seriously that was my problem. Needless to say, I have withdrawn and can't bring myself to talk to him- and he could care less. He doesn't even care enough for me to ask me what's wrong. He doesn't know what to say, so he says nothing- which makes the whole situation alot worse. I'm more upset with him for his avoiding the conflict than the original problem. As someone stated earlier they miss the cuddling and the emotional closeness, I can so relate to that, even though I am so used to the distance, that is the norm for our marraige. (if you've sensed marrital problems you are right). Wow, I'm sorry I have gotten on my soap box... just wanted you to know that your not alone. Good luck with your hubbies, and i wish i could have given you some wise advise that could help. God Bless
  #9  
Unread 04-08-2008, 08:12 PM
Hubby support?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by cntrygrl
Then one evening I overhead my DH tell someone that "I guess the surgery didn't work because she still has her hormones". Wow- i didn't realize i was having the surgery to get rid of my hormones.
Men. Sounds like something my DH would say. He told me he is afraid of me...I wish I would have said, "You should be...be very afraid!"
  #10  
Unread 04-08-2008, 08:24 PM
Hubby support?

My husband pretends in front of others how supportive he is but at home he won't even stop to listen to me when I say something about pain, which I really don't do much. Oh, wait, he listen to me today after my emergency doc appointment while he was munching down some food, without making or offering me something. MEN!!! make me wonder!!!
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