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Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff! Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

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  #1  
Unread 04-18-2008, 11:05 AM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

Hi Ladies,

Please ease my fears if you can or offer any advice...

As of Tuesday I will be cleared for sex (8 weeks post op). I am so terrified to even try. At my appt last week the doctor treated me for granulation and said I could try sex in a week. I asked her about tearing the vaginal cuff and she said it was very rare! However after reading about the ladies on the boards here having a torn or ruptured vaginal cuff I am terrified that might happen to me. The pain sounds excruciating! I feel so badly for those that have gone through it. I even read a post that it happened to a lady here that was 10 months post op! I thought that if maybe I waited till 10 or 12 weeks I would be healed enough to be sure it wouldn't happen to me, but I guess that theory is blown out away! Are you ever safe? I also thought it might only happen the first or second time, but again I read here of it happening to someone even after several successful attempts.

I am just beside myself. I don't think I want to ever have sex again. I know that being married is not an option, but I am so scared right now. I know it doesn't happen to everyone, but that doesn't ease my fears.

Please help me if you can... I don't want this to ruin my marraige (I am not saying he would divorce me because of this but it could cause a lot of tension). Dh has been very patient so far, but once I get the okay I am sure he will want to partake and I won't have a good reason (in his mind) not to...

Thanks in advance!
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  #2  
Unread 04-18-2008, 11:34 AM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

My advice:

You get on top, tell him NOT to move, and you control the depth and pace. Make sure you're nice and lubed up and as relaxed as you can get, first. Go nice and slow, and if you want to stop for whatever reason, then stop.

When you're ready, try again, same as above. Have fun!
  #3  
Unread 04-18-2008, 03:35 PM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

I agree with SFK. You take control! My TVH was on Jan 21. Sorry fo the TMI!!!It was probably my 9th week post op before we tried it. I will say I was very uptight and tense. I tried to keep my hand between me and and on him to give me control of him. I must have squeezed it too tight then he was no use. I pretty much ruined that attempt but our second attempt was a lot easier. I did as many recommended and had one drink to help me relax. It didn't hurt. I did feel a little tenderness deep but he was very gentle and careful. We have several times since with no problems. We are using KY as my Dr recommended but the last time I didnt' even need that. Good luck and I'll be praying for you. It's ok to be scared. But honestly it wasn't too bad.
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  #4  
Unread 04-18-2008, 05:27 PM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

i had sex after 6 weeks TLH, i was scared to do it but fear will tighten up the vaginal area if you think about it too much, I was missionary and i let DH gently go slow and only try half way in cause its a tight squeeze in there and i could feel the end of the vagina!! My hubbie could also and the 2nd time i did it , well last night for a few mins it was better and you must use lub like Astroglide... My vagina is about 3 " long so that does NOT mean that you cannot have full penetraion, that cuff and vaginal can expand alot...Just take a deep breath and try, it cannot hurt...Please rsvp to me cause i will want to know how ya do...thanks DONNA
  #5  
Unread 04-18-2008, 05:45 PM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

I had sex 6 weeks post op. I made sure hubby went nice and slow. I didn't have to have any lube though, cause I surely needed as much as he did I found that after the hyster, my libido has surely got stepped up,lol. I was scared also, but just made sure hubby went slowly. I told him to remember that I was a "virgin" again, lol if that makes sense. You will be okay. DR. is right, it is a rare occasion that the cuff tears, no matter how long out from surgery, if you compare to really "how many thousands of women here" have had success to those who haven't. It's not as many as you think. If you are really too afraid, maybe contact DR. and he can help allay your fears
  #6  
Unread 04-18-2008, 06:18 PM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

Like any surgery, the body takes time to heal! It is a well made delicate machine. I am not a physician, but I can assure you that taking things delicate and slowly are possible the best avenues to approach. Maybe don't try deep penetration at first and continue where it is comfortable for both of you.

Your husband is you biggest supporter and I am assuming that he will understand your fears, but you both have fears with your new body. Listen to each other and find your comfortable place. Then maybe down the road, increase penetration. You will find your way. Don't be affraid. Be happy that you are alive, loved, and your husband loves you no matter what...
  #7  
Unread 04-18-2008, 07:09 PM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

I had to be on bottom...top just didn't "fit" right for a long time. But I kept my legs sort of squeezed together so he couldn't go in too far. I agree with ilovelavender...it took awhile to stretch back out for me, but I had a lot of work done....I have just in the last month felt pretty much back to normal as far as roominess and lubrication down there goes (for lack of a better word). Do just take it slow....my hubby was about as scared as I was and went VERY slow...he jokes now about how unromantic those first few times were....we were pretty much just doing it to get it over with, since it wasn't that comfortable for me at first each time. After we got going though, it would be ok each time (after the first couple times).
  #8  
Unread 04-18-2008, 07:21 PM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

Hi ladyblue-eyes!

Just because your doctor releases you to resume intercourse on a particular date doesn't mean you have to. No doctor that I can imagine would order his patient to go home from the appointment and immediately have sex.

Listen to your body. Why have intercourse before you feel ready and comfortable with the thought of doing so? I'm sure you know of other ways to sexually please your husband.

Take good care of yourself during this delicate early recovery time.

Many s and Best Wishes,
  #9  
Unread 04-18-2008, 07:40 PM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

Thanks for saying that Bizet. My dr told me that he was clearing me for sex, but what I told my husband was completely up to me.

I couldn't believe it, but my husband was actually joking with some of his friends that he never thought he'd say it, but he actually got tired of those "other ways" (haha). I have to say part of me was dreading it, but part of me was ready, while another part of me just wanted to get it over with, because I knew, with all my incisions no matter how long I waited, it was going to be a "challenge".

Good luck to all!
  #10  
Unread 04-18-2008, 08:31 PM
Almost cleared for sex and terrified of tearing vaginal cuff!

Hi Sisters,

I, too, am very nervous about resuming sex. I had my 6 week post op visit 2 weeks ago and I was told there were still sutures in there and to wait 2 more weeks to have sex ( today would be the day) I am so glad my dh was with me at that appointment. He has been very sweet about waiting. I just read another thread on here about someone who ruptured their vaginal cuff. I never really realized this could happen--so now I'm really worried. I know my dh will wait til I'm ready--part of me really wants to resume our sex life--I'm curious to see what its like now--because I had stage 3 prolapses before and sex had changed anyway. I still feel very different down there because of my repairs--still alot of discomfort, and my pelvic exam at my 6 week appt was painful--so I think sex will be too. I apologize for just rambling on--its great to have this site as a support for all of the questions and thoughts that can't be shared with others. Thank you all for the advice in previous replies to this thread.
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