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How Can I Get People to Understand?? How Can I Get People to Understand??

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Unread 05-04-2008, 10:23 AM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

How can I get others to understand that I am limited? NO one gets that I'm only 7 days post-op and can't be running around doing everything. Shoot I am in so much pain I can barely do anything.

My mom is staying with me to watch my kids but she is getting grumpier and grumpier. She tells me that watching the kids is so great and blah blah blah but her attitude tells another story.

My husband tries to help me but than he whines and complains about it. He looses his temper with the kids and my mom and himself. He whines about not being to do anything fun, he whines ALL the time! He hates his job, he hates his clothes, he hates his car, he hates ging bald, etc etc.

I don't know how I can go another 5 weeks like this! I am hurting so much and all they see is me not in a hospital so I should be just fine and dandy.

How can I get them to explain that I'M SICK!?!!?!
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Unread 05-04-2008, 12:01 PM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

Have your mom and DH sit on the computer at this site for a bit and read what the ladies have to say. That is the bad part of this surgery outwardly you look fine but your insides feel like razor blades!!

I would have hoped your mom was more understanding, but my mom was not either~~I have no young kids at home and did not need her help but she called me the other day and needs me to come over (70 miles round trip) and take her to the DMV POOHIE!! I said nope I do not want to she says OK at the end of the month you will be fine then NOPE I am not going to!! No one decides when I am fine, but me.

Can you just shut the door and block out the others???? I feel for you I do know alot of gals have this problem. I just do not understand the DH's attitudes we all know if they had to have something done to their peepees, they would be crying like a newborn baby.

I know I am not help sorry.
Unread 05-04-2008, 12:34 PM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

Shade19, If you can, do what Lunchlady says and just shut the door to your bedroom and make it a keep out zone!! Even at 3 months, I'm still limited and have to triple emphasize to my DH that I cannot lift a lot of stuff (ie anything over 15-20 pounds) yet without hurting myself, and driving around on this and that errand for him wears me out !! It is way too soon for YOU to be taking up anybody else's slack in the house. I'll pray for your DH and mom to have some sense put into their heads!!
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Unread 05-04-2008, 02:39 PM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

I found the perfect cure for the whining many years ago.

We had a family meeting and I introduced the WHINE JAR. Every time you whine you must deposit .25 into the jar - no exception. My friend gave everybody different colored chips. When they whined they had to deposit a chip.

The person with the most chips at the end of the week was on chore duty for the entire next week. Ha, ha, ha. It was priceless. They would tell on each other when one of them would whine. Pretty soon it became a whine free home.

Whining bites the big one. Hiding from it won't fix it. Granted, a refuse away from it is a good idea if the WHINE JAR won't work. Try it though if you can. It is priceless.
Unread 05-04-2008, 02:58 PM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

Wow--I thought I was the only one with a hubby who doesn't get it! He was at work the afternoon after my surgery and back again the next morning, figuring if I was in the hospital, I was taken care of. He watched the kids over the first weekend home (I had my surgery on a Thurs.). You'll notice I said he helped with the kids (not the laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.). Sunday afternoon, he declared that everyone needed a haircut --my job--( I have 3 boys-4, 5 1/2, 8) and himself. Could I just go down to the basement to cut hair? HELLO--I had major surgery 3 days ago! Monday, he was back at work, working his normal 50 hours a week. My mom helped with laundry and carting kids back and forth to school. But, he figured after 4 days, I should be fine--"you bounce back quick!" Yeah, especially when I don't have a choice. Any suggestions?? I can't just lock myself in my room-my kids would kill each other, the house would be trashed, no homework would be done, no lunches made, piles of laundry everywhere?? Help!
Unread 05-04-2008, 03:05 PM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

This is so not a practical solution here BUT we should hire maids and nannys for like a week and when our hubbys freak out because of the price, we can just smile evily and say well hunny, you wouldn't help me so I had to find someone who could. Would you like to read my Doctor's orders that says I can't lift anything, drive, walk, etc.... and than explain how else you would have had food and the kids would have had baths and the house was clean enough so that child protective services didn't take them away?

Maybe you should start appreciating all the bloody things I do for free!!!!
Unread 05-04-2008, 04:33 PM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

Same problem here, 6 wks post op, TAH. I was glad when they went to
work and school and I got up and did things slowly, just to feel "normal"
for a day. If I wasn't in my pj's, they'd think I'm better. DH walks in hospital
room in work clothes, "lets go"... like I could hurry... someone needs to get
the wheelchair, carry the flowers, get the suitcase... They are so used to us
doing things, they can't handle it. I wish I would have gone to my sister's in
another State to recover. Let them figure it out. I was forced to drive too
soon, "got to get to my job..." he says. Kids whined, DH whined, I cried and
am so dissapointed in them. I am ready to leave them all and go on a
vacation. And I just might. They don't get it. Never will. We spoiled them too
much. Friends brought dinners. Guess who cleaned up the mess?
I don't remember them getting me a glass of water. I just did it myself and
their consequence is I am just not available like I used to be!
Unread 05-04-2008, 05:15 PM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

My heart goes out to ALL of us! I had a botched "simple" LSH last week and almost died on the table. What should have been 2 hours and a 2 week recovery took 5 hours, 4 bags of blood, ICU, Oxygen, leg pumps, and many other ickies I can't think about today. I was supposed to have three small holes super glued closed. I ended up cut from here to here and many countless stitches and staples. Mother-in-law is shocked. Why on earth should I need any pain killers? When she had her D&C 25 years ago she didn't need pain killers. HUH?

DH is busying himself in the yard, son is 16 and needs to do homework yet DH is barking at him to do this do that go go go...

No one helps me up the stairs. No one helps me in and out of the shower. The cat box is piling up (4 cats can do that fast!) My sheets are sweaty and stinky, and my back is KILLING me from sleeping like the elephant man.

DH (do not think this stands for anything endearing) comes to the hospital for the four days I am in and whines NON-STOP that this is achey, thats hurts, ouch wah wah. Now with the yard work Ooh eeeh ahhh ouch. I finally told him, while drugged to the hilt last night, that "If this were a contest, no matter what, I would be the Biggest winner." That was the nicest way to say "SHUT UP" That I could find. (P.S. it did NOT work)

I guess if I wanted this surgery I would feel differently. But it was thrust upon me as an emergency with only 3 weeks notice and no matter how much time they give it is NEVER enough.

How do we shut them up? We don't. We spend their money, have affairs, spend more of their money, and pray for an easy way out. Speaking of which...I hear Ebay calling me....
Unread 05-04-2008, 05:47 PM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

Jacquie, I have tears in my eyes from reading your post As I said in my earlier post I am spoiled~~my pals always tell me I am, the way they describe their DH's is just like yours and some of the others above. Today is my 29th anny and I think I need to go in and kiss my DH's toes.

From one Jackie to a Jacquie I wish I could help you!
Unread 05-04-2008, 08:59 PM
How Can I Get People to Understand??

Can you have your doctor call the house when everyone can either be on a phone extension or be around a speaker phone?

They have to hear it from someone else.

Please check on this site for the Checkpoints and Mister Hystersisters. can also find a picture of a hysterectomy (they aren't all bloody, but they are clear) and print it out in FULL colour and high resolution - and post it on the fridge!

Also- do show the family your scar, if you haven't already. ;-)

HUGS and I hope something gets through the thick skulls!

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