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Concerned about return to intimacy Concerned about return to intimacy

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Unread 06-18-2008, 10:55 PM
Concerned about return to intimacy

Hi all,
I was finally given the green light to have sex last week. My doctor is a man of very few words and all he said was "go, have sex" No words of wisdom, no warnings. Then again he was like that throughout my entire ordeal. Talking to him is out, all he ever says is "well, I'm not sure" or "Let me think on that"

Let me explain: I was diagnosed as a sex addict just before surgery. Its all I thought about, all I wanted. I could have 15 orgasms in a day and not be satisfied. I was happy, in a weird sort of way, like that. I felt sexy and alive, vibrant. I woke up in the hospital, on day two after almost dying, "ready" to go. It was sad and funny at the same time.

At week two I was having orgasms. Nothing mind-blowing but nice. It helped me to sleep. Doctor didn't say I couldn't so why not? I could only orgasm once and then it almost hurt. I thought "okay, you just had major surgery, give it time."

Fast forward to week six and doctor okays sex. Session one was nice, no orgasm. Session two hurt, three the same. Session four I finally had an orgasm and tried for more but it still hurt. This is VERY frustrating. I feel like I am losing a big part of me and I am so depressed.

Will it come back? BF says to give it time. Its only been 7 weeks. But I feel myself withering away inside and I'm scared. I define myself by my sexuality and thats all there is to it. I have been extremely sexual my entire life and I will not take up another hobby to take its place. I just want to cry.

Any suggestions? I have tried toys, stories, porn, fingers, you name it. An online friend, 3rd yr med student says its mental, that I am fighting it. I really think its physical. I DO have my cervix and ovaries. I did have a lot of stuff moved around inside during my emergency surgery when a blood vessel broke. Am I just really bruised inside? Oh when I do..."complete the mission" it feels good until the very end. Then it feels achey and kinda, I donno, "pinchy" I had that problem when I would urinate for the first 5 weeks after surgery. EXACT same thing. Was that the catheter causing that? I had it in almost 4 days and was so bruised. Just a thought... I don't need lubricants that works just fine, I think. No one has complained. UGH I am frustrated beyond words! I want to be well NOW! I want my life back NOW! My doctor said a "simple procedure with recovery in two weeks" then the vessel bursts. WHY???? UGH

Thanks Guys, for listening. Sorry if I offended anyone!
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Unread 06-19-2008, 02:36 AM
Concerned about return to intimacy

So sorry about what you've been through. I'm no expert, but just give it time. Your body needs time to heal.

Good luck to you!

Unread 06-19-2008, 08:30 AM
Concerned about return to intimacy

I'm sorry for all the frustration you're experiencing right now. While we don't all experience desire like you seem to be, many of us have had to deal with the frustration of really wanting to be healed so we can have the closeness and intimacy we desire with our dh's.

From my own experience I can share that the "spirit was willing but the flesh was weak". We tried at 7 wks with a few problems, but not insurmountable. I was sore and tender, with tummy cramps for several days after each attemtpt. Think about all you had done in this intimate area of your body and then consider how rough sex can be. I don't find it any wonder that you are experiencing some problems with trying to push yourself to be where you just aren't able to be at this stage in your recovery.

I want to encourage you to try to relax and just give this some time. Your body has been through an ordeal and even though you have been cleared all those tender tissues are still healing and will be for a while yet. I don't understand very much about sexual addiction, but I hope you can stop and reason out what's happening with your body and learn to listen to all that is has to say to you. It sounds like all you can hear is the desire, but your body is trying to say so much more. There are natural patterns at play here, calling for you to make some rational decisions about what is best for you. I hope you can stop and really think about what's happening here and not allow yourself to make choices that aren't good for you in the long run.

My heart goes out to you in your struggle. I hope you can find a balance that will work for you. Listen to everything your body is trying to say to you. I think you'll find it will all work out in time.
's, Rita
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Unread 06-19-2008, 11:55 AM
Concerned about return to intimacy

Yes, Yes, Yes!

Rita's advice is perfect!

I guess you could call me a "recovering" sex addict. I ALWAYS want it, but through some unfortunate experiences have learned to not act on it so much. I woke up from surgery "ready to go!" But I've been afraid to try anything until the Dr says so. I think your med student friend is right as well. Mental is a huge part. I am sooo worried that when I finally get the green light that I won't be able to orgasm. In the past, the harder I try to have one the more likely that I won't. I know the feeling-you want sex so bad!

I'm optimistic for you that it will all return, especially if you have had orgasms already. Just take it easy and relax. You are still healing in there! Don't force it!

Good luck!

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