having surgery in 5 days

Hello Ladies!! I am so glad to find this site!! There has been sooo much information that I didn't even know its amazing. So I have surgery June 27th and I am just nervous and emotional. They are doing a LAVH (hopefully). I saw the general surgeon that will assist with the surgery and I almost had to call everything off. He had me more scared than i already was.....I had to make sure my dr was in charge of my care, not someone who I don't know.

The OBGYN told me friday that the adhesions I have where on my intestine tract and bowels when he did my tubal almost 2 yrs ago......Nice to know tha NOW!! So of course I got the whole talk about how they may not be able to do LAVH and may have to cut me open.

On top of this my Mom is not supportive at all. i can't talk to her about it because she treats me like one of her patients (she is an RN). This probably sounds crazy but I want my mom to be supportive with this. My DH is awesome but he can't understand all of it and either does my Dad.....does it sound crazy to want my mom?? I just feel like I am all over the place right now....so much to do so little time to do it!!

Thanks again to everyone....I am so glad I found this site!! Love Beth

Hi Beth! Welcome to HysterSisters. I had a TAH on June 18th. I feel good today, less than a week after the surgery. At first I'd hoped for a vaginal hysterectomy. But, for some inexplicable reason, I'm glad I had the abdominal instead. I know how scary it is to be told of all the risks of surgery. But it's mostly formality. Try not to worry about every little detail of surgery...My mom is also a nurse. But, unlike you, I worried about her being at the hospital. I was afraid she would boss the other nurses around. But she didn't. She is helpful post-op because she can tell me what to watch out for: signs of infection, etc. I imagine your mom is just going into nurse mode because it's what she knows best. Best wishes!

Hi Bethers21,
It is not silly to want your mom. Have you talked to her about what kind of support you want? She probably thinks she is being very supportive...in her way. Tell her you need her and how she can be helpful to you. I have adult children and wish they would tell me exactly what they need. When I guess, I usually overstep my bounds. I think it will be helpful to talk to her.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
ChrisQ

I am sorry your mom is not supportive. It is so wonderful to have great support. Maybe you could ask her to just not be a nurse when she is with you, just a mom... Maybe she will understand.

Hi. its good to have all the emotional support you can get. we all support you! i am sched for a TAH on july 15. huge many fibroids. 48yrs old. scared of the pain right after, but what can you do but ask for good pain meds! totally nervous. good to see all of the other girls on this site. good to feel not alone.

Maybe make it clear to her what kind of support you would like from her. She's probably not really sure herself how to approach this. You are married so you're not her baby at home, you could be a patient, or you could need an in-home care person. Or just someone to help with questions. Clarify your needs with yourself first, then talk to her honestly about it and ask if she feels she can help in that way. It sounds like you want "Mommy" to support you, not "Mom, the nurse". I can definitely empathize with you, my mom was a nurse too and would get all hyper and think of every medical disaster that could happen if I ever got sick. Unfortunately, she wasn't a very capable nurse and not much better as "mommy" but that doesn't seem to be what you're concerned about. I hope you can work out with your mother what you need, it's important to utilize her skills in anyway she can provide them.

Often in here, you will see women discussing the fact that husbands or boyfriends or any men really, initially seem unsupportive. It's because they can't fix your problem. If hubby is unsure about what he needs to do, just be sure he's very aware of what problems can happen, and the best way for him to make your recovery process better (ie, do the normal housecleaning, pick up groceries, etc.). If you think it may help, have him go to a pre-op appointment and have your doctor speak with him about what you can't do. There's also helpful information available for "hystermisters" here as well as showing him the checkpoints so he knows what you can't do.

I know this sounds like a bribe, but just let him know that once you get healthy again, you aren't going to have the pain you used to have, and chances are that you'll have a more exciting time in the boudoir. That'll give him a little push in the right direction to be sure you heal healthy!!

Best of luck, it sounds like you have some good resources for support, but you just need to maybe have a little get-together to talk over what will be needed by you.