Being Child Free - the good parts

Maybe this doesn't belong in aching hearts, but I wanted to start a thread listing some of the positive things about being child free. Because while it sucks to have the choice taken away from you, the end result isn't totally negative.

**Travelling. I have travelled through Central America for one year. I've been to Spain, Morocco, Bulgaria, Turkey, Mexico, Belize, Guatemala, Honduras, El Salvador, Switzerland, and more. All my friends with kids said they wished they could travel like I could.
**Free time. I actually have free time. I get to do what I want. I have many more well-developed interests and hobbies than my friends with kids. Maybe this has made me a more interesting person!


I'll add more as I think of them, but hope others will add to it too!

You are free tos et your own schedule. Your time is not dictated my the needs of the kids: transporting to school, soccer, scouts, playdates.

You can take a nap whenever you want!!!! And you have extra money, no kids bumming $20 every other day!

I guess I always wished I had children, but I have 2 nephews that are like my own. I don't have to worry about clothing them, feeding them, etc. I can spoil them rotten and return them to my sister and brother-in-law at the end of the day and let them deal......

Hello, Voo. I think I get your point -- you are trying to help those of us who don't have children to recognize it's okay. That's a good thing. But somehow this doesn't feel very supportive, overall. When I was young, I married someone who couldn't father children. I stayed with him for nearly 25 years. Then the idea of not having children really got to me. We ended up divorcing for real reasons, and I realized I didn't have my marriage, and I didn't have children, either. I met and married someone, but it was too late for us have children. We tried IVF; it didn't work. So I do get the point of your thread, but I'm uncertain that those who post here will always feel this way. Sometimes I'm very glad I don't have kids. But you know, these issues . . . are very personal . . . and this sort of does not sound supportive to me.

I would have to say sleeping in. I had a hard time initially with the thought of not having kids, but we have a good friend who has three kids and visited us for a week, and I would say a good thing about being child free is sleeping in!!!

ouch, sorry blueheron...

i actually have a very similar situation to yours, which i have posted about elsewhere...

i did feel weird sticking it in aching hearts, but there doesn't seem to be a forum section for things like this
i keep reading these extremely negative threads where not having children is like the end of the world, and for me this has just plunged me deeper into a dark place...is that supportive?
i'm not saying the situation doesn't suck, it sucks for me too, but it hasn't ruined my life, hell in some ways it's made my life better

so, i have been making an effort to get away from anger and depression and focusing on some positive thinking for my own sake
and I thought this might be helpful for everyone, it certainly wasn't my intention to make light of other people's pain

it is very personal...if i had my way here, I'd eliminate all the threads about being upset about not being able to have MORE kids...it's kind of galling to those of use who couldn't have ANY...but I'm not them and that's their own thing to get through...i just don't read those threads, you know?

Yeah, I know. It's best to read the threads that seem most pertinent. I did find your post about aching hearts -- your aching heart -- after writing this. I am just not sure many of us want to count as a blessing not having children if you wanted one, to begin with. In truth, I didn't want any, to begin with. In my line of work, the women who had children really had trouble with the work -- not just the complications of having to raise a family while working in our jobs but the problems of being in a line of work that had been dominated by men and, at the time I was coming through, thus was not at all family friendly. My men colleagues had wives who stayed at home and took care of the "family" details. They had trouble accepting women alongside them, period. It was hard enough just to make it through the work treadmill without kids. But I came to the conclusion that work -- having an active professional life, etc. -- should not supplant having children. And that is where I live.

I hear you about the threads from those who already have children. But these women are hurting, too, just as you and I are. They hurt from their own place, just as you and just as I hurt from our different places. Eliminating their threads, well, why make them hurt more?

And finally, the grieving process is a process. I think I'm over my grief, having had a cancer diagnosis (not cancer, just the diagnosis, which is why I had the hyst) and living with HPV. There are many more things to focus on than what one didn't do in the world.

Perhaps my grief is assuaged by the little fellow -- a geriatric cocker spaniel adopted from a local rescue group -- sleeping at my side while I write this. Volunteering, getting a pet that no one else would take on, these are ways of finding joy.

I hope you find some joy, some real happy joy, soon.

It was a good idea posting this thread. Maybe some women could see some positives when they are dealing with so much negativity, physical pain and grief.

Many of our hyster sisters-childless or not-are hurting, it's just different viewpoints. I may not be able to relate much to the women that do have kids but that's how it is. Bottom line? Everyone help each other.

I think it was a good idea posting this thread, personally I would rather look at the positives than the negitives in this whole ordeal.