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Am I being selfish? Am I being selfish?

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  #1  
Unread 07-19-2008, 11:42 AM
Am I being selfish?

I had my LSH this past Tuesday, the 15th. While I was in my room waiting to be discharged, I sent a text message to my closest friends to let them know I would be going home soon. These are the same friends who all asked to be informed when I was out. This is my circle of about 8 closest friends, those I'd call 'best friends'.

One called me before I left hospital. One called me the next day. And that's it. Three texted yesterday to say they were sorry they hadn't called or anything sooner, they'd been busy. One called me day before yesterday, said she wanted to wait to be sure I had some time to rest first. The rest? Have only either caught them online or not heard from at all.

Am I being selfish when I say I feel sort of...abandoned? I have bouts of feeling like they're just too busy to be bothered with me. It makes me sad, it's even made me cry. Am I being a whiner?
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  #2  
Unread 07-19-2008, 11:47 AM
Am I being selfish?

You are not being a whiner al all!! I have only heard from one of my co-workers, no one else has called to see if I am even alive!! I thought that we were more than just co-workers, I thought we were friends! So I also feel abandoned also.
  #3  
Unread 07-19-2008, 12:04 PM
Am I being selfish?

I can so relate to how you are both feeling!! My co-workers and I have worked together for 10 years at the least and 2 of them I have worked with for 20 years!! They all promised to take turns bringing me meals and company and any other help I might need. I have seen 1 of them and it was the day after I came home from the hospital!! She brought dinner but the partial package of bread she brought to go with dinner was moldy and I threw it all out!! I was a bit nervous about eating it! I actually got a phone call last week wanting to know if I could drive in and bring them a lightbulb for the bathroom...it burned out and they didn't have any way of WALKING down the plaza and BUYING one!! I live 30 miles from work!!! It has been very hurtful and it will be tough going back to work next week and acting like nothing happened! It is a very big world to feel so alone in!!

Vickie
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  #4  
Unread 07-19-2008, 12:08 PM
Am I being selfish?

Don't feel bad, my father was driving from Gulf Breeze FL to Chicago the day of my surgery, when my DH called him to advise my surgery outcom he was 15 minutes from the hospital, my DH asked him to stop in to see me and he replied that he did not have time as he wanted to driver to KY by nightfall.

You can pick your friends but not your family!!
  #5  
Unread 07-19-2008, 12:10 PM
Am I being selfish?

Padfoot - you are not being selfish at all. "Friends" sometimes have a funny way of showing how much they care.

While I am surprised at how little some of the people I thought were closest to me have bothered to show any type of concern, I am also happily surprised at how others who I did not feel were quite as close to have really come through for me and DH.

I hope you are feeling better soon!
  #6  
Unread 07-19-2008, 12:13 PM
Am I being selfish?

So, two of your friends haven't called to check on you yet? Maybe they know about your progress from talking to the other friends? I understand being sensitive but try not to let this become to big of a problem for you. Some people are just better at comforting others.

I would say that out of eight friends, to have two that don't follow good etiquette is probably pretty normal. I am a comforting, motherly type but some people just aren't good at it, you know?

I hope you feel better soon!
  #7  
Unread 07-19-2008, 12:37 PM
Am I being selfish?

My friends have been better than my family. Ten days after my surgery I got the call that my grandfather was dying, he was at my mothers home under hospice care. This was out of state for me. Well I made the 8 hour drive and my popa died three days later. For ten days I lived on pain pills every 4 hrs to get through all the arrangements, viewing, funeral, cleaning (this included sweeping and mopping), washing clothes, making beds etc. You name it I was expected to do. Any yes everyone knew I had just had surgery.

Now I am home feeling worse than when I first came home from the castle. Let's not forget that I feel down a wheelchair ramp and busted internal stitches while I was out of town.

I just want to bless everyone out, that acts like I am just being lazy this week.

I could really just cry............so yes I understand how you feel! Hugs and Love!!!
  #8  
Unread 07-19-2008, 02:01 PM
Am I being selfish?

  Quote:
Originally Posted by Honeybeez
So, two of your friends haven't called to check on you yet? Maybe they know about your progress from talking to the other friends? I understand being sensitive but try not to let this become to big of a problem for you. Some people are just better at comforting others.

I would say that out of eight friends, to have two that don't follow good etiquette is probably pretty normal. I am a comforting, motherly type but some people just aren't good at it, you know?

I hope you feel better soon!
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm trying not to let it bother me too much - I know I'm also on a hormonal and emotional roller coaster right now, so that probably plays a part in how I'm feeling about it too. I dunno, I guess just a quick "glad to hear it" would have meant alot to me, but you're right, some people just aren't good at comforting. I guess because I am that type of person, it's hard to remember that.

Hairbear - now that is the worst thing I've read in quite a while. That they would call you and ask you to do something like that, even if you *weren't* recuperating from surgery, that just seems really wrong. I'm so sorry. *hug*

I want to thank everyone who's responded - it helps to hear both sides.
  #9  
Unread 07-19-2008, 02:14 PM
Am I being selfish?

hugs

It is hard when people let you down

My soon to ex husband left me 3 weeks after my surgery.
  #10  
Unread 07-19-2008, 02:28 PM
Am I being selfish?

Not to get your friends off the hook, but sometimes friends can't see other friends in pain and they make excuses not to be there. It's weird. I know I've done that to friends and had all the intention in the world to go and visit. When the time came I chickened out then felt guilty! Your choice now is to try to understand their fears or let this anger get in the way of friendships. Good luck!
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