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Am I selfish? Am I selfish?

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Unread 08-05-2001, 04:33 PM
Am I selfish?

I am 7 weeks post op from TAH/BSO. I think that I am doing ok, but I still have a discharge and some pain. Am currently not on hormones because they were not working for me. The HRT was causing migraines.

I am worried that I am being selfish. When someone in my family has a problem, I feel like I can't handle it. I start feeling overwhelmed and get very nervous and upset. Today, I really felt it, my mother started complaining that she was sick and that she might need surgery for her problem and that something had to be done immediately. She said that I would have to take her to the doctor tomorrow. I immediately got very upset. I really don't feel up to this. I don't need to take off work since I just got back to work. I don't feel like sitting at a doctor's office with her for hours and I know I can't deal with a hospital stay. I started crying and feeling guilty and well you know all the emotions were pouring out. I guess I just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.

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Unread 08-05-2001, 06:25 PM
Am I selfish?

Sometimes it's hard to deal with other people's problems when you're still dealing with your own.

Perhaps you need to give HRT another look... you are very early in your total recovery period, so it's possible that another form of HRT might help you with your rocky emotional state without the side effects. It can take awhile to get the balance just right!

Please stop by the Hormone Jungle and the No Hormone Desert Oasis, and read what the sisters there might have to suggest. And do talk to your doctor about it...there may be other solutions!

Be gentle with are still recovering, not yet ready to be the caregiver again!

Let us know how it's going!


Unread 08-05-2001, 10:12 PM
A tip for the overwhelming feelings

Hi there,

One thing to try when you start feeling overwhelmed is to say, "I need to get back to you about that" and start doing some deep breathing exercises. It is entirely possible that you don't want to even LOOK at a hospital right now after just getting out of one yourself.

I know how crummy it feels to not be able to support the people who have been supporting you through a rough time. But if you are still having a rough time (it sounds like you are) it might be best if you gently levelled with them and said as much. Especially since the hormone replacement just isn't working too well for you.

I wish you luck and grace - take care!
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Unread 08-05-2001, 11:32 PM
Am I selfish?

I do not think you are being selfish. If I read that right- you are still within the EARLY recovery (not the full recovery which is longer) of 6-8wks and ofcourse you are still recovering yourself- so it would be hard to be someone else's caregiver! I know that is hard to deal with being it's your mother and all... but I don't think it's being selfish- you have to realize your limits and take care of yourself also!
You don't want to end up back in the hospital or laid up for days/weeks/etc because you overdid it too early. It won't do anyone any good if you do that.
Unread 08-06-2001, 05:52 AM
Am I selfish?

Hi! During my 5th post op week, my father-n-law nearly died! He was taken to the hospital the day I was 5 wks post op and was diagnosed with kidney failure and a bacterial blood infection. He will be 80 in a few months. He is home now and doing surprisingly well. His kidneys are functioning at a good level and he is cooking and driving some. Anyway, that week I had to take care of my MIL and BIL by going over there and checking on them and taking food. She can't cook anymore and my BIL is a Down's Syndrome adult whose cooking skills are limited. I have been cooking extra for supper most nights and fixing plates. They only live about 5 miles away, but this has been a most stressful time as my MIL does not always understand why things are the way they are and has a hard time taking in too much info at one time. My BIL is rather spoiled and thinks he is in charge when his dad is not around! He actually does quite well considering he has the mind of a child. This week I am only taking food to them 3 days, but I will be calling and going over there to check on them and I have been doing their grocery shopping for them w/help from my boys 12 and 15. On top of all this my dh is the only other sibling in his family, they have no other family here and all responsibilities fall on him or me. I told my mom the only reason I did not break down and cry was because I simply did not have the time! I have told you all this to let you know, that I understand how you feel! Do you have any siblings close by? If so why aren't they helping with mom? Also, if you call ahead to her doc's office and let them know your situation, they may have a place where you can wait more comfortably than a regular waiting room. Like the other ladies have said, if I were you, I would give the hormones another chance. It took about three weeks for my Premarin to get in my system and I am just now starting to get some sleep at night. Well, I know this is long, but I wish you the best. Just know you are not alone. We have all been there when it seems as though everything happens at once! Prayers and Hugs!

TAH/BSO June 25th,2001 Uterine Fibroids and diseased ovaries
Unread 08-06-2001, 09:54 AM
Am I selfish?

I agree with the others...consider that TOTAL recovery takes from 6 months to a year, according to a gyn.

In that perspective, you are still very early in the big picture, and as Shelley points out, still in "early recovery". You are not in the least bit selfish, but I must warn you that you will get plenty of vibes (from others who don't know any better) that you should be 100% better by now.

Your body has been through MAJOR surgery, and it indeed takes months to fully recover. Also, KarenL's suggestion to re-examine HRT sounds like a good idea. Just know that you probably have internal stitches still dissolving inside, and it is perfectly normal to feel fragile, emotionally as well as physically.

My very best to you...

Unread 08-06-2001, 07:08 PM
Am I selfish?

I want to thank everyone for your replies. I did take care of my mother today and I think that I handled it very well. That was nothing seriously wrong with her. I think she over reacted and which caused me to really over react. I did go and see my DR today about spotting and he said I was still healing and used silver nitrate on some grannulation. He also thinks that I am overdoing it. I am not sure what all this means, but at least I do know that I am in early stages of this and not completely healed. I am going to try to take it easy and just do what I can do. I am going to try not to get overwhelmed and take things one at a time. It looks like I have some training to do.

Thank you so much. Feeling like I was not alone really helped me alot.


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