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what to tell your child? what to tell your child?

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  #1  
Unread 08-04-2008, 08:15 PM
what to tell your child?

I just found out that I have to have a hysterectomy it is schedule on Aug 25. I am having a vaginal hysterectomy. I was told about that site by a friend and I love it. I have printed off so much info for my husband he will not even read any of it anymore. But I am one of those I research everything. That is why I love my job I am a paralegal. Anyways, I am nervous but looking forward to the time off work and having my husband wait on me. However, I have a 12 daughter is who the sweetest and I told her that I am having the surgery and all of a sudden she will not let me go. She walks up to me and hugs me all the time and says "you are not going anywhere" or "you are not leaving me I need my mom." It just makes me want to cry. Yesterday I took her shopping and she asked me "what would I do without you?" I keep telling her over and over again I am not going anywhere. Any advice???
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  #2  
Unread 08-04-2008, 08:25 PM
what to tell your child?

Hi and welcome!

My daughter is 7, and unfortunately she already knows more about periods than I thought she would at her age, because she's seen and heard it from me.

I told her that I wouldn't have perod anymore, and that I would feel better. I told her she would get periods one day when she got older. She asked if that would be about the time she wore a bra!? She's smarter than me sometimes!

I don't say a whole lot about it because I don't want her to worry. She was with my mom and me at my D&C in Feb, and didn't want to get too close to me. I don't want her to be afraid, but I'm afraid I can't make her not be.

I guess if you just reassure your daughter that you will feel better afterwards, that may help. Best of luck and hugs!
  #3  
Unread 08-04-2008, 08:29 PM
what to tell your child?

when I told my step kids they were concerned as well. what I did (my step kids are a little older 15 and 16, and you'll have to decide if this is appropriate) is give them info on the surgery how often it is done and everything and I let them ask me anything about why I was having it done, what the benefits were, everything. I got them involved, and they have pitched in a ton.
the day I got home they had cleaned and organized for me, made the couch up with fluffy pillows and made me a hot meal, of course I didn't ahve much of an appetite, but they tried.
I think getting them involved was the best idea I had because they were able to understand that the surgery is not a once in awhile thing docs do it everyday did that make sense?
hugs sister, good luck, oh and tell her you love her and will never leave no matter what, and when I told my step kids that they asked point blank what if you die in surgery and I said to them I will always be in your heart, and you can always still talk to me, and I'll find some way to let you know I heard.
hugs chris
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  #4  
Unread 08-04-2008, 08:33 PM
what to tell your child?

That's a tough one... I told my oldest son (he's 19) exactly what I'm having and why because I knew he could handle the information. Also, he's autistic and processes things very literally and if you try to hide something or skirt around it he gets more upset when he finds out what the actual truth is.

My youngest son is 10 and I explained that the reason I've been sick for so many months needs to be removed in surgery and that I will not be completely well for a while but the surgery will get rid of what's making me sick. That's all. He isn't worried but does take extra steps to make sure I'm comfortable and understands that I'll need help picking stuff up off the floor or tying my shoes and sees it as a way to help me get better. I decided it was best if I stayed non-technical with him because he doesn't understand the big differences between men and women yet and I'll tell him more as he gets older if he wants to know.

My husband has been the worst, however, because he understands that things can go wrong and worries constantly. However, I showed him information on the Internet and in books I've bought that explains how hysterectomies are the most common surgery for women and the chances of anything dire happening are about 1 in 10,000.

My recommendation would be to reassure her that you'll be feeling much better after you've really started recovering from your surgery. Though you may not look like you'd ever feel better when you come out (my husband said I looked downright scary after my gallbladder surgery), things will change and soon you'll feel better than ever. You might want to give her tasks to do that will help you feel better now and help her keep her mind on positive thoughts.

Good luck to you both!!!
  #5  
Unread 08-04-2008, 08:38 PM
what to tell your child?

I told my neice (who lives with me), that I was going to get my tummy better. She's 6 and that seemed to work for her.
  #6  
Unread 08-04-2008, 08:53 PM
what to tell your child?

My children are all grown, so there really isn't anything to explain to them. Of course, they are worried about me not coming home; but that's because they care about me. Your daughter is only trying to show that she loves you. I really don't know what to say to someone of that age, but be honest. Always be honest, but not necessarily open about everything. You have to judge what to say by her age and her level of understanding. But it sounds to me like the 2 of you should sit down and truly discuss everything. Let her explain her feelings and don't make lightly of them. Good luck with everything.
  #7  
Unread 08-04-2008, 11:40 PM
what to tell your child?

I have a 13 year old son which acted sort of the same way when I first told him. He latched onto me like no other. I had my gall bladder removed 4 years ago which resulted in pancreatitus and in the hospital for 6 weeks so of course he was so scared.

I sat him down and reminded him on how much pain I get into every month (which he saw me double over at times) not to mention the embarassing days I had when I could not leave the house (due to major bleeding) - I had to explain more to him than I thought with him being a boy.

However when I told him i was going to be free of the pain, not miss work and some of his functions he understood I needed it done. I also told him I needed him to be strong and that I was going to need his help when I got home. He handled it like a trooper and is very helpful during post - op.

I noticed sometimes when you give them things they are responsible for and let them know we need them - it is amazing how they grow up (at least for that instance) - Good luck
  #8  
Unread 08-05-2008, 10:13 AM
what to tell your child?

I have 3 kids. My 2 oldest are away for this month. My son (11) is at his grandparents, so that I will have time to rest because he is very active. He's worried and keeps telling me he's going to call me in the morning on 8/12 to make sure I am ok. (my date is 8/11). I haven't really explained too much about it to him.

My step-daughter is 13. She just thinks it's cool that I won't get my period anymore. She's with her mom for the month.

My one year old will be the problem. She's just too small to understand why I can't pick her up and let her sleep with me. She kicks, and one kick to my belly and it will be all over for me.

I don't have much advice. Kids worry. They depend on us. Let your daughter know that you will feel so much better after that you will be a better mom. You can do more things together and you will be happier.
  #9  
Unread 08-05-2008, 10:31 AM
what to tell your child?

My 18 year old seems to understand and is okay with it all. The younger two 16 and 14 are a bit clingy it seems. I have told them both that it is a common surgery that is done everyday on hundreds of women and that I will just need a bit of help for a few weeks after I have it done. The cancer cells I told them were non invasive and it was the best type of "cancer" to have and that at the moment they think all of the bad cells are out. They are all old enough to understand and I sure will never hide anything from them.
  #10  
Unread 08-05-2008, 10:33 AM
what to tell your child?

My daughter was the same way, she is 11, I told her why I was having it and I would feel so much better afterwards, I answered all her questions and I also told her that she could visit me at the hospital. I don't know how long you have stay because my procedure was a TAH and I stayed for 3 nights and 4 days. And having her visit reassured her that I was ok.
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